More than that, I couldn’t bear to take Nyar’s gold. I had never come here for the gold. It was always the thought of him that lured me, and now I couldn’t imagine living any other life but at his side. I decided I would not give a single piece of Nyar’s gold to my family.
I poured out the gold, packing only the food and water in the satchel. I even left behind the coins I had earned. I didn’t want anything from him except…him. I dressed in the clothes I had brought from home. The only thing I stole from Nyar’s house was the healing stone that was shaped like his cock, because I wasn’t sure I could bear to go a night without something to remind me of the way he felt inside me. I thought he would approve of this small bit of wickedness. It seemed very goblin-like.
I laced up my boots, trying my best to shove away the heavy feeling of despair inside me. I still had one glimmer of hope.
I needed to find the water witch’s daughter.
Chapter Ten
The journey back felt much longer than the journey there. For one thing, there was no rain this time. The sun was bright and hot, and I was no longer used to it. I had been adjusting to the soft, sparkling lights of the caverns, and the consistent, cool temperature. Now I could feel heat beating on my back with every step. I had to keep my cloak on and the hood up to prevent sunburn, but it was so heavy.
Of course, worse than any weather was the feeling inside me, that I might never see Nyar again, that I had failed him and his people, and all I had to look forward to were my selfish sisters and the same old life I had known, where my ambitions and curiosity was discouraged.
I recognized landmarks along the way, the ancient stones and familiar trees, and by late afternoon I was passing through the hamlet on the way to Fairhaven. People looked at me with blatant suspicion now. They already suspected I’d been off to see the goblin king, I’m sure, but with my hair cut short, I no longer fit in with the villagers.
In Fairhaven itself, it was even worse. As I walked into town, people stared at me and whispered. I saw the brewer’s wife, a woman I had bought small beer from many a time, and she only glared at me without any greeting.
I reached my own house, and stopped outside, putting a hand to my stomach to calm the churning dread inside me. Then I opened the door.
Clara immediately hurried forward to greet me. “Sabela! It’s been a week! Does that mean you got the coins?”
“I have nothing.” I was curt.
Father and the twins entered the room now, asking the same questions.
“What do you mean, you have nothing?” Marta asked. “What about the coins? Did he trick you? You were gone an entire week, so clearly he liked what he saw!”
“You couldn’t even steal a single trinket?” Trixy asked. “You can’t possibly have felt bad about it, after what he’s done.”
“Or were you terrified of him?” Clara asked. “He didn’t hurt you, did he?”
“Finally, a bit of concern for my welfare,” I snapped.
“Of course we’re concerned for your welfare,” Clara said. “But you do look well enough, except for your hair. What will Mr. Vedast say about that?”
“Mr. Vedast?” I asked, wondering where that had come from. Mr. Vedast was another merchant in the town, better off than my father, but quite cutthroat in his business dealings.
Father looked uncomfortable. “Beauty, while you were gone, word got out about where you went. Everyone thought it was very selfless of you to sacrifice yourself for the sake of the rest of us. But Mr. Vedast so admired what you had done that he was moved to ask for your hand.”
A horrid shiver went through me. “I don’t believe it.”
“It’s true. He came to me and—”
“I mean, I don’t believe he admires what I’ve done. That man? He’s ruthless!”
“He is tough as a merchant, but that’s why he’s the richest man in town,” Father said. “That doesn’t mean he doesn’t have personal convictions, qualities he admires in a bride. Clearly he isn’t moved by mere beauty, or else he would have offered his hand to you long ago. What he admires is your courage, your sacrifice. It couldn’t have worked out any better if I had planned it.”
“It just figures that sleeping with a goblin is what gets Sabela a husband,” Trixy pouted.
“I don’t want to marry Mr. Vedast,” I protested. “I…I think I could marry the goblin king. I just need to save his life. He’s not the man you think he is. He was cursed by a witch.”
“Cursed?” Clara sniffed. “Sabela, listen to what you’re saying. Cursed or not, why do you want to marry a goblin king—king of what? A hill? Rather than a prosperous merchant?”
“You belong here with us, Beauty,” Father said. “This is your home. This is the life you’ve always known.”
“Goblins are ugly,” Marta said. “Mr. Vedast is handsome enough. I can’t believe you don’t even want to marry him. I wish he would ask me. It’s not fair; Sabela gets everything.”
“Maybe we’ve thrown too much at her too quickly,” Father said. “She’s been through quite an ordeal. Why don’t you go to sleep, and things will look better in the morning. I’ll have Mr. Vedast over for dinner tomorrow so you can have a proper introduction.”
“Don’t spend the gold, Father, please. It’s to pay for the rent! I’m not going to marry Mr. Vedast. You’ll waste it.”
“Dearest, you’re tired. Try to put it out of your head.”
Put ‘it’ out of my head?
He meant Nyar.
I could never put him out of my head.
Really, I could hardly stand the sight of them, chattering about money and connections, grumbling that I had not brought the coins because they needed money for the feast they would put on to woo a man I hated.
My sisters urged me to sit down and have a little warm stew and drink, and then get some sleep.
I went to the bedroom I shared with Clara, and I felt as if I hardly recognized the place anymore. I was so homesick for my bedroom in the caverns, for my ceiling of stars. I sat down at the dressing table, regarding my face in the small mirror. I didn’t look like the same girl anymore either. My short, curling locks had a very different character from my long, heavy mane of hair. I looked just as rebellious as I felt. But even my face itself seemed older, less of an innocent girl. Did they see it? Or was it something I only felt inside?
Downstairs, I heard my sisters still murmuring about me, but a moment later, Clara came up.
“It will all be all right,” she told me. “Get dressed for bed. You look exhausted.” She plucked her own nightgown off the peg where it hung.
I didn’t want to share a bed with Clara anymore. But this was my life here.
Tomorrow, you can go to the library and look at the maps, then set off to find Keely.
I changed into my nightgown in the corner of the room, opposite from Clara, and realized she was looking at me. She glanced down when I caught her.
“I’m sorry,” she said. “I didn’t mean to stare. I just wanted to make sure he didn’t harm you.”
“He didn’t, Clara. Truly. He treated me well. At first, he was a little rough. He didn’t trust me. But by the end, it was…very loving.”