“How could you when you have a pathological fear of commitment?”
His body emanated tension. His back and shoulders were too straight. He pulled off to the side off the road and cut the engine. “There’s something you need to understand. It wasn’t because I’m incapable of commitment. There just wasn’t anyone I wanted. There’s a huge difference.” His brows were drawn. He took her shoulders in his hands. “I know what I want when I see it, and right now all I see is you.”
The look in his eyes made it hard to breathe. She made the mistake of breaking eye contact to focus on his mouth and immediately recalled the feel of it on hers. She wanted desperately to feel it again . . . and a whole lot more, but feared that acting on that desire could only lead to trouble. Big trouble.
“You say all the right words, but words don’t really mean anything,” she said. “If we agreed to have a baby together, how can I know you’ll stick around?”
“Because I believe in promises and I keep my word. If I tell you I’m gonna be here, I’m gonna damned well be here. Once I set a course, I believe in staying on it.”
“But what if it’s not the right one?” she asked. “Would you just keep going in the wrong direction?”
“Probably,” he admitted dryly. “It’s that bullheaded quality I mentioned before.” He tipped her chin up to meet his gaze and continued softly, “I think we could be damned good together. I don’t understand why you’re fighting it so hard.”
“Because I’m scared, Zac. I want to believe this could work between us, but what if it doesn’t? I’ve had my heart broken once, and once was enough. I just don’t want to go through that again.”
“You think I’m not scared of the same thing?” he said. “That I won’t measure up? That I’ll screw it up? I hope to hell I don’t, but I’m not going to let that fear keep me from going after what I want.”
“And what’s that?” she asked.
“The same things you want—a home, a family. I came back to Oklahoma hoping to set down some roots. Maybe you came here for slightly different reasons, but you’ve stayed because you also wanted something to call your own. But the ranch isn’t enough anymore, is it? None of it has made you happy.”
“No,” she confessed in a whisper. “It hasn’t.” Although she tried to convince herself otherwise, she wasn’t content with her life.
“So then you poured your heart and soul into cattle . . . but bottle-feeding baby calves still wasn’t enough, was it?”
“No,” she said. It had only made her want more. Zac had seen right through her and forced her to confront the truth.
He reached for her hand and placed it on his chest. “I have a hole here too.”
She held her breath at the sensation of his strong, steady heart beating under her palm.
“There’s a heart in there all right,” he said. “It beats steady and does its job without complaint, but there’s something missing. I’ve been going through the motions for too damned long, and I think you’ve been doing the same. You think a baby’s gonna fill that hole, and maybe it will. But what if it’s still not enough? You’re a beautiful, intelligent woman. You should have everything life has to offer. Why settle for less? Why sell yourself short? You deserve to be happy. You deserve to be loved. You deserve to be with a man who appreciates you . . . and I’d like to be that man.”
CHAPTER SEVEN
Delaney said nothing as Zac put the truck in gear and pulled back onto the road. His confession had shocked her speechless. How could she have known this man for so long, yet not know him at all? She stole a glance at him, vividly reminded of the adage about still waters. For almost eight years she’d worn her heartache like a badge of honor, but in less than a week this big, broody bull rider had reduced it to a barely perceptible twinge. She wanted so badly to be able to trust him. She longed to be held and kissed and touched . . . to be needed . . . to be loved . . . but things were happening so damned fast.
The rest of the ride was short and silent, which only amplified the tension. Delaney’s nerves were stretched as taut as high-tensile wire by the time they pulled through the gate of the Circle B. It was a sprawling complex that included a main house, a bunkhouse, and a number of corrals and outbuildings. The main house was built in the style of a Mexican hacienda and sat on over ten thousand acres, which stretched out over grassy plains all the way to the river.