Beast: Learning to Breathe (Devil's Blaze MC #5)

“You don’t have to be here, honest. I’ll be fine on my own. You could wait in the car. Or you could go home, really. I can walk to the diner and get a ride from Charlie later. There’s no point in us both being here,” she rattles and the entire time she’s talking she’s looking around the room as though she’s afraid people are staring at us. It hits me then.

Of course. I remember Lucy’s words. “He’s repulsive. A woman would have to be drunk to want to be with him, and even that might not be enough.” Women are all the same. Does she think it bothers me? Fuck, no. I was only doing her a favor. I won’t make that fucking mistake again. Never again.

I growl, getting up, and walking off without looking at her. I don’t offer her words. I don’t need to explain. I stomp out, leaving her behind me. You’d think I’d know by now that you can’t let your guard down around women. They’re all evil and the only time they can be bothered with you is when they want something. I’ve been done with them for a long time, this one almost made me forget that.

“Michael,” I hear Hayden yell as I open the door to my truck.

I stop walking, even while calling myself every name under the sun as I do it. I turn to see her standing by the front door, confusion on her face, but that’s probably just an act too.

“I…uh…you’re leaving…now?”

Jesus.

“I’m leaving. Don’t worry,” I rumble, getting in my vehicle and slamming the door. I start the truck, ready to pull out when she pounds on my window. I put it back in park and hit the button to roll the window down.

“Michael…”

“What?” I ask, exasperated and nearing the end of my rope. I make it back to my place I will not give this woman the time of day. She could literally choke and need me to give her CPR and I’d refuse. I will stop giving into my instincts where Hayden is concerned.

“You seem…upset…well, more so than usual,” she says as if that’s an explanation to why she’s here, when it’s not. It’s ridiculous. This is why she followed me out there?

“Go back in, Hayden, before someone sees you with the beast,” I spit out at her, then I throw the truck in reverse, and back out. She jumps back to keep the truck from hitting her. There’s no way I would have hit her. I’m not that far gone. Not yet.

Lucy was right.

Hell, everyone was right.

I really am an animal.

A beast.





23





Hayden





Michael’s words hit me like a hard slap to the face. I’m such a moron. Does he really think I don’t want to be seen with him? That seems unreal to me, but his parting shot at me seems to indicate that.

I walk slowly back to the reception area. My mind keeps going over everything that just happened. How could Michael think I wouldn’t want to be seen with him? That concept is so foreign to me. I think I’m in shock.

“Miss Graham,” the receptionist calls, demanding my attention.

“Yes?” I ask, walking to her.

“I’m afraid we’ll have to reschedule.”

“What? Why?”

“The doctor is booked up and when we called your name you weren’t in here. It wouldn’t be fair to put everyone in here off while we wait for you now, would it?” I look around the room and there are a few people here, but only like three or four. Besides, I was only outside for five minutes, ten tops.

“I really need to see the doctor. I was only outside for a few minutes. Surely, you can work me in. I am supposed to have my ultrasound today, it’s the first time since I got out of the hospital.”

“I’m sorry there’s nothing I can do,” she says and the look on her face says there is, but she’s not doing it. It also signifies she’s doing this on purpose and hates me.

I hate her too, and I’d like nothing more than to slap the hell out of her. I don’t though. I have bit my tongue since moving here and I continue doing it for one reason. I need quiet. I need to be accepted here if only for my daughter’s sake. If what Charlie says is true, Whitley is the only place close that I might be safe from the Dwellers. Somehow my useless brother managed to do one thing for me. He somehow gave me a sanctuary. I am grateful for that, even if I hate him for so many other things. I need safety for Maggie. I can’t let closed-minded people like this bitch push me away or cause me to react.

Charlie always tells me that stirring shit only spreads the stink around and attracts more flies. She’s not wrong, and really, I’ve had too much shit…too much. I don’t want more, and I don’t want any of it to splatter on my child. If I had the money, I would have moved farther away. I would have moved to a place no one had heard of the Dwellers. I don’t have that luxury, and I’m scared I might get in a bigger mess. The Dwellers consider me their property, even now. They have a lot of enemies. That much I know for sure. What happens if I end up among those people who think they can use me to lash out at them? Or worse use Maggie.

So, as much as I hate it, I took the small house my brother gave me and the sanctuary I’m told he found me. I still don’t know why he did it. Maybe he felt guilty. I don’t fucking know or particularly care. He sent me a goodbye letter years ago telling me his sins had finally caught up with him and that he was sorry. It was too little and way too late for that to mend whatever bridges had been burned between us. I don’t know what happened to him. From the hints in the letter, I figured it wasn’t good. I hurt over that. I did. Yet, and I know it sounds cold, I had washed my hands of my brother. When I needed him the most he betrayed me. He betrayed me in the worst way imaginable. He may have helped me in the end…but by then too much damage had been done. I hope God has mercy for him, I’m not a good person, because I have none.

“When can I reschedule?” I ask the receptionist, feeling deflated. If I had any pride I’d tell her to go fuck herself, and I hate myself that I don’t. She gives me a date which is just a couple days away. I look at the card, nod my head in agreement, and leave.

I walk outside feeling completely dejected. I shouldn’t have panicked about Michael. I just didn’t want him to see the way the girls in the office treated me. I really didn’t want him to see how the doctor felt about me. I saw the look on Michael’s face that day in the diner around the Dwellers. I think if I saw it again—or something worse, it would crush me. In a very strange way it feels like I have a friendship with Michael now, and I really want to keep it.