I shake my head, staring at my wine glass like it has all of the answers. “What? How? They think you killed dinosaurs?”
“I did kill a dinosaur,” she says, perking up on the couch. “Two T-Rexes actually,” she continues, holding up two fingers.
My face drops and I stare at her with raised eyebrows. “You killed two T-Rexes?” I ask in a monotone voice. I can’t believe that. “How?”
Her bravado starts to fade and she sinks into the couch, rubbing her chin. “With a…with a meteor on the first one and some old wrinkled up smurf dude’s staff on the second.”
I take a deep breath and sigh. “I’m so confused right now. And what’s this kaleem thing they keep talking about?”
“This,” Avery says, jumping up and lifting her animal skins to showoff an ugly tattoo on her lower back.
“A tramp stamp?” I say, raising an eyebrow.
Both Turic and Pontuck bow their heads. “Kaleem,” they say in unison.
“They think it’s the sign from their prophecy,” she says with a shrug. “Who am I to argue?”
“This is so weird,” I say, shaking my head.
Avery’s eyes turn to Pontuck and she grins as she takes a long sip of her wine. My eyes follow hers and a flood of warmth hits my chest when I see the way he’s looking at me with pure adoration and love.
“You slept with him, didn’t you?” she asks with a knowing smirk.
“What?” I ask, jerking my head back. “No!”
Avery just grins as she takes a sip of her wine. “That vibrating bump, right?”
“What is that thing?” I ask, whipping my head around.
“I don’t know,” Avery answers, laughing, “but it’s fucking amazing, isn’t it?”
I just nod, shivering as I remember how it feels. “Yeah. And their saliva.”
“I know, right?” Avery says, staring up at her man in wonder.
My eyes dart to Pontuck. “I can get used to living with these guys.”
The laughter dies down and I drop my eyes to the glass in my hand. “Where’s Mandy?”
Avery sighs as she rubs her eyes with her hand. “I was really hoping you knew that,” she says, looking worried. “I have every spare Drandroka searching the planet for her. If she’s alive, we’ll find her.”
“That’s a big if,” I say, feeling my chest tighten.
She nods. “Well, Cookie Monster found you, so you never know.”
That reminds me. I narrow my eyes onto her and bite my bottom lip. “Avery, Cookie Monster?” I say, my voice tight with warning. “Are you kidding me? You’re making me scream out Cookie Monster during sex. Please change it.”
Avery lets out a little chuckle. “Fine,” she says with a sigh. “You’re no fun. Cookie Monster,” she calls out, waving him over.
Pontuck approaches with his head bowed in respect. She places the translator into his hand and motions for him to stick it behind his ear.
“Yes, my Saku,” he says, when he has it in place. “How can Cookie Monster serve you?”
“Geez,” I whisper under my breath. This chick has got the whole village wrapped around her little finger.
“You have served me for a thousand lifetimes,” Avery answers. “You have traveled through the dangerous forests, fighting the many fanged beasts to find your Saku’s friend. The proud name of Cookie Monster no longer serves you. I bestow upon you a new title for you are far better than when you parted and you get bonus points for showing my friend a good time.” She turns to me and winks.
“Oh, God,” I mutter, rolling my eyes.
Pontuck stands proudly as Avery speaks.
“I now name you, Snuffleupagus.”
Pontuck’s face breaks out into a proud smile as he stares ahead with sparkling eyes.
“No,” I say, shaking my head as Avery laughs. “Avery!”
“Okay,” she says, holding her ribs as she tries to control her laughter. She’s trying to hold it together but she’s having a hard time doing it. “I name you, Big Stupid Farty Face.”
I drop my head in my hands as Pontuck stands a little straighter. “Thank you, Saku Avery,” he says, proudly. “Big Stupid Farty Face is so honored to please you, the true Saku.”
Avery is busting a gut laughing and I can’t help but join in.
Pontuck turns to me with his shoulders back and a gleam in his eye. “Rolanda,” he says proudly. “Did you hear? Big Stupid Farty Face’s new name is Big Stupid Farty Face.”
“Stop,” I say, as Avery almost falls off the couch laughing.
Pontuck looks upset as he watches me. “You do not like the name-”
“Don’t say it,” I warn, holding my hand up. “Don’t say it.”
Avery wipes her eyes as she straightens up. “Ah, you’re no fun.” She turns back to Pontuck and nods. “Okay. I name you Pontuck. You’re back to Pontuck.”
Pontuck stands straight and alert as his face glows. “Pontuck,” he whispers to himself as his cheekbones rise.
“Pontuck,” I say. “Translator off, please.”
He’s smiling to himself as he plucks off the black dot and hands it back to Avery.
“Thank you,” I say to her. “You made him very happy.”