On some level, way in the back of my mind, I’d known this moment was coming. But feeling the gathering tension in the air hadn’t prepared me for the storm. I was caught between a rock and a hard place—a submissive who trusted and relied on me, and a new lover who I wanted more with.
And while I definitely felt something for Lacey, something real and good and pure, I’d have to sell my soul to hold on to it. And there was no fucking way I was ready to do that. Not now, possibly not ever.
Choosing Lacey meant uprooting my whole carefully constructed life. My independence, my simple pleasures, my freedom from pain. But not choosing her . . . the thought felt like a knife between the ribs.
Uncomfortable, I shifted, searching for a way to make her understand. “I told you in the beginning how I operated, what I was looking for.”
“You have feeling in that closed-off heart of yours,” she said, her voice cracking with emotion. “I’ve seen it. When you talk about those kids at the camp . . .”
“No. That’s just my way of ensuring one less kid falls down the rocky path I did. It’s nothing; trust me.”
Her eyes said something different.
Trapped, confused, I told her I needed to think and got the hell out of there.
As I drove toward town, I texted Greyson. Meet me at West’s? Even if he didn’t offer any useful advice, I could still get black-out drunk.
? ? ?
As soon as I sat down next to him at the bar, Greyson said, “Let me guess. This is about Lacey again.”
“Hello to you too, asshole.”
The bartender came over, and I ordered a whiskey.
Greyson took a slug of his beer. “What’s the situation?”
I gave him a quick recap of everything that had happened in the past twenty-four hours, including Lacey’s final decision about monogamy.
“So, congratulations, you were right,” I finished sourly.
“Damn.” Greyson sighed. “That’s some heavy shit.”
I glared at him in exasperation. “I’m so glad for your infinite wisdom.”
Greyson shrugged, turning his palms up. “What do you want me to say? You’re in a tough place, and I can see why you’re stressing out, but the solution is kind of obvious. Right?”
Obvious? The hell is he talking about?
When I didn’t respond for a minute, his eyes widened into an incredulous stare. “Dude. Are you serious? You have this incredible connection with Lacey, and you’re still going to keep fucking around?”
“I didn’t say that,” I snapped. “I came to talk to you because I don’t know what I’m going to do. This isn’t as simple as you seem to think.”
“I think you could love Lacey. I know you don’t love Daniella.” Greyson shrugged again and almost spilled a little of his beer. “Sounds pretty damn simple to me.”
I didn’t even want to address his use of the L-word. The motherfucker.
“Just because we’re not romantic doesn’t mean Daniella isn’t important to me. We’ve been friends for years. I can’t just ditch her.”
My whiskey chose that moment to arrive. I threw a ten at the bartender and said, “Keep the change,” impatient to finish before Grey could interrupt. “If you got a girlfriend and suddenly stopped hanging out with me, that would make you a tool.”
“But I’m not fucking you, am I?” Greyson laughed at his own joke. “And you’re not just ‘hanging out’ with Daniella. Sex kinda changes the equation.” He pinched his thumb and finger together. “Just a little.”
Why did Greyson have to be so goddamn annoying when he was right? “Yeah, but Daniella needs me. I give her a place to live. I’d be throwing her out on the street.”
“Oh, please. She’s only living with you for free because you insisted. She’ll be fine on her own. Nurses make pretty decent money, and she’s had two years to squirrel away almost all her paychecks. And it’s not like Lacey would insist that you evict her without warning.”
I bit my tongue. Greyson had no idea what he was talking about. My arrangement with Daniella wasn’t just about money. She needed security and stability and emotional support. She also needed kink, and because of her asshole ex-Dom, I was the only person she trusted enough to submit to. The ugly aftermath of her breakup two years ago was still in play now.
But none of that was any of Greyson’s business. I couldn’t blab Daniella’s whole private, painful history just to make a point. And deserting her in a time of need would make me an ass.
Greyson interrupted my stony silence. “Actually, screw this. Daniella’s a big girl. Why not talk to her directly, instead of just talking about her?”
Because that would make this mess feel way too real. Because it meant my whole life was poised on the edge of a cliff. I struggled to come up with an explanation that wouldn’t make Grey laugh in my face.
Eyes narrowed, I folded my arms over my chest. “I’m not doing that.” Bringing this up now would only make her worry. I would tell her when I had a final decision.