"Well, happy New Year to me," a voice says from behind me. I turn to see a pretty blonde girl staring at me. She's not wearing a costume, just tight jeans with a T-shirt that reads, I don't need a costume. People want to be me.
She's assessing me over the top of her champagne flute, and her glassy expression tells me it's not her first drink of the night. "And what's your name, handsome? Or are you protecting your identity from the super villains?"
I give her a smile. "No, they all have the night off."
She leans in and puts a hand on my chest. "I'm Zoe. Stevens. Perhaps you've heard of me. Most people have."
"Yeah, I know you, Zoe. We met a few months ago at Cassie and Ethan's wedding."
She pulls back, confused. "I don't think so."
"Yes, you talked to me for half an hour about how Ethan used to have a huge crush on you in drama school and now that he and Cassie were married you wanted to keep your distance, so he didn't try to relive the past."
She shakes her head. "Yeah, I remember the conversation, but I had it with a geeky guy with glasses. Not..." She looks down at my body, " ... you." She gives me a wink like she's joking, but I'm finding it hard to get a read on this chick. "So, how do you know Ethan?"
"His sister is my best friend."
She frowns. "Oh, you're gay?"
"No."
"So, you and Elissa are both straight but don't fuck? That's weird."
"We're friends. She'd dating Liam Quinn. You know, the movie star?"
She gives me a condescending smile. "Sure, that's what the papers are saying, but I can't see it myself."
"They were together at the wedding."
She laughs. "Yeah, right. If Liam Quinn was at that wedding, I would have been the first person to know about it. Some people have Gaydar. I have Stardar. I can sniff out a famous person at thirty paces."
"Uh huh. So you would have seen that Angel Bell was at the wedding, too."
She thinks for a second. "Oh, yeah. She was dancing with her boyfriend. Some bookish, curly-headed dude."
"Yeah, that was also me."
She stares at me for a full three seconds before bursting into laughter. "Oh, right. Of course it was. And then you ran off into a phone booth and changed into this." She giggles and takes another sip of champagne before fixing me with a deadpan expression. "But seriously, all jokes aside, are you single or not? Because we could totally have some fun together. Do you have anyone to kiss at midnight?"
Before I can answer, a guy a bit shorter than I am appears beside us in a flesh-colored bodysuit.
"Really?" he says to Zoe. "You're trying to make me jealous by flirting with this guy? How dare you use my love of superheroes against me."
I take a closer look at him. Apart from cladding his entire body in pale pink lycra, he's also wearing a mushroom-shaped hat and large pinky-brown furry slippers. What the hell?
"Go away, Jack," Zoe says with a flip of her hair. "Josh and I are having a conversation, and he's super hot."
Jack turns to me and holds out his hand. "Hey, man. I'm Jack."
"Yeah," I say as I shake it. "Jack Avery, right?"
He gives me an impressed smile. "Have we met? Or have you just heard of the legend that is the man?"
"The second thing. You were at Cassie and Ethan's wedding. They told me all about the gang from The Grove, but I only got to meet Zoe. Nice to finally put a face to the name. I'm Elissa's best friend."
"Oh, cool," he says, shaking my hand. "I saw Elissa and Cassie out on the dance floor before." He leans in and whispers, "Just between you and me, did those two ever hook up? Because ... hot!"
The anger that floods my system must show on my face, because he quickly drops my hand and steps back. "Sorry, dude. Just kidding. Keep your cape on."
Zoe's disdain is clear. "What the hell are you even supposed to be, Jack? Apart from an insufferable jerk?"
He gestures to himself and smiles. "I'll give you a clue. I'm the most famous thing in the world right now."
Zoe stares at him, looking unimpressed. "You know I hate guessing. Just tell me."
"I'm Liam Quinn's cock." He grins at her.
Zoe's scowl falters. "Appropriate, considering you're such a huge dick."
They glare at each other for a second more before cracking up. Then, without missing a beat, Jack pulls Zoe into a searing kiss that makes me all kinds of uncomfortable.
"I hate you," Zoe whispers. "This is the absolute last time this is happening."
Jack proceeds to suck on her neck. "That's what you said the last twenty-eight times."
"You're keeping count?"
"One of us has to."
"You're disgusting."
"One of the many reasons you find me irresistible." He pushes her back into the wall and they keep going, getting more inappropriate by the second. I look around, but no one else seems to even notice.
"Okay, then," I say. "I'm just gonna go. See you guys around."
I take a deep drink of my beer as I move through the crowd. Let's hope this isn't an indication of how this night will go.
When I pass by a group and see Marco, I almost do a spit-take. He's usually dressed impeccably, but tonight he's rocking a full Elvis ensemble, complete with a constellation of tacky-as-hell rhinestones and pompadour wig. He throws up his arms when he sees me.