I chuckle. I've been dying to see her, but my Gammy hasn't been well, so I moved out of Liam's pad and back to Mom and Dad's to help take care of her. Plus, Lissa and Liam have had their hands full dodging the media frenzy from their naked picture debacle. God, it's like most Americans have never seen naked bodies before. I don't see what all the fuss is about.
Ironically, when I said that to the girl who was filling Gammy's prescription at the drug store, she quipped that if I didn't understand it, I hadn't seen the size of Liam Quinn's man member. After judging her for using the term man member, I joked that the whole thing had been photoshopped, and I knew for a fact that Quinn was packing an acorn in his pants.
I've never seen someone look so disappointed in my life. I felt so bad, I tried to tell her I was joking, but the words wouldn't come out. I think it's an ingrained male response to pay out on other guys' dick size. Who am I to argue with nature?
"Josh? Helloooo?"
"Sorry. Just thinking about your boyfriend's dick."
"Me, too. Bestie mind meld!"
"Yeah, but most of the time when I ask what's on your mind you say Liam's dick, so I don't think it's much of an achievement."
"Yes, but knowing you're thinking about it too makes me feel special. Now, get your ass over here! There are a whole bunch of shots with our names on them. God knows I don't want you anywhere near sober when the countdown hits and you start lamenting about your woman being on the other side of the world."
"Way ahead of you. Had two beers with dinner. Mom did not approve."
"That's because you burp like a frat boy when you drink beer."
"I've told you before, Lissa, the bubbles have to go somewhere. Better out the top than out the bottom."
There's a knock on my door, and my Gammy calls out, "Joshua? Are you still there? Don't forget to show me your costume before you go."
I put my hand over the phone. "I'll be out in a sec." I go back to Elissa. "K, better go before she barges in on me in my underwear. Again. See you in twenty minutes."
"K. See you then."
I hang up and throw my phone on the bed.
All right, Kane. No more bullshit. No one's going to tease you tonight. Get your ass into that costume and go on your way.
I head into the bathroom and open the small plastic case on the sink. My eye doctor convinced me to try contacts last time I got new glasses, but I seriously couldn't be bothered poking myself in the eyeballs every day, so I've barely worn them. Tonight, however, I need to be spec free.
I take a deep breath and take off my glasses. It feels weird leaving them behind. They've become such an integral part of my identity, my face feels naked without them.
"Okay. Here we go."
I fight with the floppy plastic bastards for a good ten minutes before I successfully get them both in, and by then my eyes are streaming. I grab some toilet paper and dab my face. "Fuck me. Bet Clark Kent never had to go through this bullshit."
When I'm done, I check myself out.
Man, it's weird being able to see clearly without having anything on my face. Combine my lack of glasses with my slicked-back hairstyle and my new body, and I barely look like myself.
I take a deep breath.
Well, I guess that's the point, isn't it? Let's do this.
???
Five minutes later I stand in front of Gammy feeling weird and awesome all at once.
"Oh, Joshua," she says with reverence. "You look wonderful. So handsome."
"Thanks, Gammy."
"I thought you'd wear the other one I always see you in. Space Trek, or something."
"Star Trek. I thought I'd make a change tonight. Try something different."
"It's lovely. But you seemed more comfortable in the other one."
She's not wrong. This thing is so tight, it's like wearing full body Spanx. My internal organs are screaming.
"Yeah, well ..." I say, "I'm trying to get out of my comfort zone for a change."
She smiles and beckons me forward to where she's sitting on the couch. When I bend down, she kisses me on the cheek and holds my face. "Darling boy, I'm not sure why you want to change, but I thought you were perfect before all the workouts and protein shakes. And I'm certain your lovely lady did, too, so if this is for her, you may have wasted your time."
"I can't just be doing it to be healthy?"
"Of course. But is that why you're wearing that costume?" She gives me one of those looks that makes it feel like she's staring into my soul.
Busted.
"I gotta go, Gammy. Do you need anything? A drink? A pillow? Grand Theft Auto on the Xbox?"
She pats my hand. "I'm fine, bubbeleh. You go have a good night."
"I will." I kiss her on the cheek and slip on my overcoat. Can't risk being heckled on the subway.
"Oh, Joshua?" I turn to her. "Just remember that what you wear isn't who you are. It's what's on the inside that counts."
I smile at her. Trust Gammy to use my identity crisis as a teaching opportunity.
I give her one last kiss. "See you in the new year, Gammy. I love you."
"I love you, too, my sweet boy." She gives me a knowing smile before I head down the hall and out the door.
TWO
The Gang's All Here
"Are you at the party yet?"
Angel sounds so close, I feel like I could reach through the phone and touch her.
If only.