“Traitor!” I shouted at Veronica, who shrugged.
Ramona leaned forward, resting her elbows on her thighs. “Just call him. It’s the only way to stop the crazy. I know you’re afraid, but not talking to him is what made you crazy in the first place. The only power anyone has over you is what you give them.”
I took a long, deep breath and let it out slowly. “Okay.”
She watched me for a second. “Okay?”
I nodded and smiled, reaching for my phone. “Okay.” But before I could even unlock the screen, it rang in my hand.
The number was from Santa Cruz. It was a number I recognized. It was the first number I programmed into my Razr when I was sixteen and the number I’d dialed from my mom’s cordless phone.
Rodney fucking Parker was calling me.
I stared at my phone stupidly for a second before snapping out of it to answer. “Hello?”
“Pen?” His voice was familiar and velvety and full of swagger and ease.
My eyes were big and round, and my mouth was sticky and dry. “Rodney?”
Ramona’s mouth popped open
He laughed. “Holy shit. I can’t believe you kept the same number.”
“What the hell, man?” I said lightly, shooting for breezy, which wasn’t easy considering every nerve in my body fired in warning. “How are you?”
“Good, good. Damn, it’s good to hear your voice.”
I mouthed Oh my God at Ramona, who blinked at me. “You too. What’s up?”
“You’re in New York, right? I caught your show on TV. Couldn’t believe it. You’re just as hot as you always were.”
I stood and paced out of the shop and into the steaming hot afternoon. “Uh, thanks.”
“So I called my agent, and she called your agent to get your number. If I’d known it was the same, I would have called you yesterday,” he said, smiling on the other end of the line. “Listen, I’m in town with the band — we’re playing at Lucky’s tonight, and I’ve got a couple of tickets for you. Tell me you’ll come see me.”
I felt sweaty and a little nauseous. “Yeah, okay,” I said a little sarcastically. I had literally no intention of going to see that asshole anywhere.
“Good. I was prepared to beg.”
Rodney. Begging me. For anything.
It was the stuff of my wildest dreams and my worst nightmares.
I laughed. I couldn’t help it. I had to be dreaming or having a full psychotic break or a stroke or something.
“You okay?” he asked as I laughed like a hyena.
I pressed my fingers to my lips and tried to stop, succeeding after a second and a few heavy breaths. “Yeah. Yep. I’m good.”
He chuckled, and I remembered all the nights with him, all the kisses at my locker, all the hours listening to the band practice. All the good. All the bad. All of it rushed back over me like a tsunami.
“All right,” he said. “The tickets will be at Will Call under your name. And bring a friend.”
“Sure, sure,” I answered as I swallowed my laughter.
“Doors open at seven. Man, I can’t wait to see you. It’s been too long, babe.”
“Oh, yeah. Cool. For sure.”
I hung up without waiting for him to respond. And then I sat down on the dirty fucking curb and burst into hysterical laughter.
Rodney had called me. And invited me to a show. And asked me to bring a friend. And called me babe.
The universe had to be fucking with me.
The last time we’d actually spoken, he’d dumped me after graduation, and I’d unloaded two years of feelings on him with my volume level at twelve and an audience of at least two fifty. I’d seen him at a few parties after that, and both times, we’d ended up fucking in a bathroom and his car, respectively. There was no talking either time.
After that summer, I’d moved to New York, and I hadn’t really thought about him much. I had thrown myself into my life, my goals, which in part included not ever getting serious with anyone. Which insured they always wanted to get serious with me.
And I know what you’re thinking — God, Penny, you’re such a liar. You thought about him all the time.
But I really hadn’t. He’d affected me, but I’d closed the door and tried not to let it bother me otherwise. It was simply a sticking point, a reason why, devoid of general emotions on the matter.
I was an excellent suppressor of emotion on that particular matter.
Things I could thank Rodney for.
My abs hurt a little from laughing, and I wiped a stray tear from the corner of my eye.
Rodney had done so much to shape who I was, and Bodie had undone it all just by existing, just by caring for me.
I thought about Diddle, the boy I used to know. I thought about the man he’d grown up to be and how brilliant and determined and wonderful he was. I thought about how good he made me feel, how he cared for me, how I cared for him. I thought about how different Rodney was from Bodie, how one could be so cruel and one so kind. How one could seek to tear me down while the other lifted me up.
I thought about how Bodie was everything I wanted, and I thought about how wrong I’d done him.
I thought about how I could possibly make it right again.
And then I unlocked my phone, navigated to my favorites, and touched his name, hoping I still had a chance.
* * *
Bodie
When my phone rang and I saw our picture on the screen, my heart stopped and started again with a jolt I felt down to my toes. I’d imagined the moment for days and had lost hope that it would happen, that I would hear from her. And now that my phone buzzed in my hand, I had no fucking clue what to say or do or feel.
So I went default.
“Hey, Penny,” I answered, hoping I sounded cool.
She laughed nervously. “Bodie, oh my God. You won’t believe who just called me.”
A slow tingle climbed my neck. Not what I thought she’d say. “Who?”
“Rodney.”
My insides liquified at that single word. “Really?”
She laughed, the nervousness slipping away until it edged on hysteria, her tone giddy and rushed. “Seriously! Get this: he had his agent call my agent.” She laughed again, a burst of feverish giggling that made my blood boil.
I tried to chuckle, but it sounded a little like I was choking. “No shit. What did he want?”
“He’s in town and has tickets to his show tonight at Lucky’s.”
More laughter — my pulse ticked up.
“He told me to bring a friend.”
“Great. I’m your friend. I’m coming with you.”
Another round of giggling, this one hitting me in the heart, reminding me how much I wanted her for my own. It was a sound meant for me this time, a sound that said she wanted me with her.
All that was gleaned from a simple series of bursts of air from her lips.
“I didn’t think you’d be interested,” she said, half-joking.
If there was one thing I didn’t joke about, it was Penny and Rodney in the same room together.
“Penny, I’m interested in all things related to you.”
She paused for a second. “Listen, I don’t really think—”
“I’m coming with you. What time’s the show?”
Another pause.