She snickered.
“I wonder if a couple more hook-ups might get him out of my system?”
She shook her head at me like she felt sorry for me.
“What? That’s a valid, reasonable question. And entirely possible. Maybe he’ll be super stinky or gross next time. Or maybe he never flosses.”
“No one flosses.”
I gave her a look. “Seriously, do you even know how to have fun?”
She gave me a look back.
“I like you,” I said with a smile. “And I predict that in two more meetings with his magnificent hammerhead, I will have had it all fucked out of my system.”
“Why two more?”
“Because, by the end of date three, it always goes south. Usually it’s about them turning into crazies or coming on too strong. It’s just like on The Golden Girls. Dudes propose to Blanche like she’s the last woman on earth, and within a week of meeting her. She always turns them down though, that sassy bitch. She’s my guru. When I don’t know what to do, I just ask myself, What would Blanche do?”
“So, what would Blanche do?”
I thought about it. “Well, she’d bang him until it got weird and then kiss him goodbye, wiggling out the door, twiddling her fingers at him.”
“Why not do that?”
“Ugh, I hate the thought of it getting weird, that’s why. It’s easier to just bolt before it happens. I’ve gotten so good at dipping out of the third-date situation.”
“Mmm,” she said noncommittally. “When will you see him for date two?”
I frowned. “I don’t know. Date one was last night, and I’m still recovering. Physically. You know, because he nailed me so hard.”
“Naturally.”
“I have two whole bangs left, so I’ve gotta make the most of it. I need to maximize my bang-to-date ratio. But, if I could do whatever I wanted, I’d see him tonight. Or now. You don’t mind if I just go, do you?”
She laughed. “Sure, and this is free, right?”
“Obviously.”
I sighed, gun buzzing up my arm as I kept working. “He’s exactly what I need right now.”
“So are you going to call him?”
I frowned. “It hasn’t even been twenty-four hours.”
“Hold up,” Ramona said from the wall of my booth, startling me.
“Jesus,” I said, heart jumping. “I’ve got a tattoo gun in my hand, asshole. Give a warning cough or something.”
“Sorry. I was eavesdropping and have unsolicited thoughts to share.”
“Well, by all means, do tell.” I gestured for her to go ahead.
“Since when do you follow rules? If you want to bang, call him and bang.”
I nodded my head as I considered it. “I approve of your logic.”
“I mean, what are you afraid of? That he’ll think you’re coming on too strong?”
We both laughed real loud at that. As if I knew another way to come on.
“Seriously though,” Ramona said, “if you want to call him, call him.”
I really wanted to, but the rule had been so deeply ingrained in my brain that I struggled to override it.
“Penny, if he called you right now and asked you over, what would you do?”
“Pretend I got diarrhea so I could leave,” I answered without hesitation.
Ramona nodded. “That’s what I thought. Also, someday you’re going to try that line and it’s not going to work.”
I waved her off with a laugh. “Please. No one questions diarrhea.” I turned to the girl in my chair for the final word. “What do you think? Honest answer, no bullshit.”
She smirked. “I say, go get that dick.”
So I laughed and decided to do just that.
* * *
Bodie
I was so deep in the code on my screen that afternoon that I almost missed my phone buzzing on the desk. And that would have been a goddamn shame because it was a one-worded text from Penny.
Question.
Insta-smile happened as I picked up my phone, sat back in my chair, and typed.
Answer.
Little dots bounced.
Would you think I was needy if I wanted to see you again tonight?
It would be a little hypocritical of me to judge.
More dots as she typed, and I stared at my phone with a healthy helping of disbelief.
It hadn’t even been a day, and here she was, asking to see me — the girl who didn’t date. And maybe it was nothing. All I knew was that I’d gone to bed with a smile on my lips and her face in my thoughts, and I’d woken up exactly the same way. My mind had been rolling her around like a fine wine, appreciating every second I’d had with her over and over again. And if I had a chance to see her again, I’d take it, and I’d use it.
So, sounds like we’re both needy then. What to do, what to do?
I typed back, my smile stretching.
I could think of a thing or two. Or three. If you come over later, I can show you. I’ll have visual aids.
Tell me there will be graphs. I love a good graph.
I laughed out loud, garnering looks from Phil and Jude, who flanked me at their monitors.
Girl, I’ve got graphs like you’ve never seen. Big, long graphs, packed with data I compiled all by myself.
Fuck, I love it when you talk dirty to me. I’m off at 8. Be there around 8:30?
Good. And make sure you don’t have panties on.
Too late.
I set my phone down and leaned back in my chair, sighing, knowing I looked like a sap. My saving grace was that I was thinking about all the places I’d fuck Penny in my apartment in a few hours.
“Was that her?” Jude asked, looking like a hyperactive puppy.
“Yeah. She’s coming over tonight.”
Jude shook his head. “Man, I cannot believe you bagged Penny. After all this time. I guess your high school voodoo shrine in your closet didn’t completely go to waste.”
My face went flat. “I didn’t have a shrine.”
Phil snorted. “You kept a gum wrapper from a stick of Wrigley’s she gave you junior year.”
“Fuck you. It had her number on it.”
“Sure it did, buddy. What about that broken bracelet you kept of hers?”
I rolled my eyes and chuffed. “She asked me to fix it.”
“But you didn’t,” Jude shot.
“Because it was too broken,” I volleyed.
“Then why didn’t you give it back to her?”
“Because it was fucking broken, and I didn’t want to admit it to her, dick.”
Jude gave me a look. “You wanted to keep it.”
“Jesus, I’m not arguing with you about this, Jude.” He was right. I’d never tell him. “She’s coming over tonight at eight-thirty, so I need you guys to … you know. Leave.”
Phil frowned. “Man, we were supposed to work tonight.”
“Yep, and now you two are going to work at Angie’s.”
Phil pouted. “I won’t get any work done, though. I can’t be with Angie and not hang out with her.”
“You’ll find a way.”
Jude perked up. “Philly, ask her to make those blondie things she makes. Or brownies. Or, like, she can bake anything because I want to eat her sweets.”
Phil’s face hardened. “You’re not eating my girlfriend’s sweets. Those sweets are mine.”