The guys from the bar followed me.
I wove across the dance floor, glancing back: stark white light seared all the faces, carved shadows sharply, a horde of grinning skulls. They could’ve been anyone. Any of these people I’d once trusted, felt safe among. Who I’d made feel welcome and safe. Now they saw me as a predator, hunted me like prey. Used my own identity against me, this masculinity I’d fought so hard for. While I was here hunting the man who’d actually done what they accused me of.
This was so colossally fucked-up.
I knew Umbra like a lover and I looped through halls and crossed catwalks till I shook them, like Tam shook me that first night. Then down into the catacombs, where the walls were soft and crumbling like bone, the air that of an opened grave. I meant to get my weapon—no intentions, just in case—but someone stood in the hall outside BI HQ. Someone short, raven-haired, brimming with dark energy.
Shit.
I did a one-eighty, ducked into a bathroom. Both Inge and Tam should’ve arrived by now, to triangulate Adam.
I texted Tam.
REN: I’m drawing too much attention REN: And Laney’s here TAM: What a perfect shitstorm TAM: I’ll be your cover. Where are you?
I gave her my location. Then took a deep, calming breath and began blotting my pants with paper towels.
When Tam walked into the bathroom two girls trailed her. Makeup-counter queens, collarbones popping. Hips and elbows cocked like guns. Dangerous girls. The type I used to hook up with.
They saw my face and gawked.
“Let’s go,” I said.
The girls blocked the door.
“What are you doing here,” said one.
The other’s finger poised over her phone as if she could make me vanish with a button tap.
Tam said, “Pardon?”
“He shouldn’t be here,” said Phone Girl.
“It’s a unisex bathroom,” I said tiredly.
“It’s not a rapist bathroom.”
Tam lunged. I caught her arm.
“Please,” I said. “Let’s just go.”
For a nauseating moment it seemed Tamsin meant to Take a Stand. To defend me. Start an argument where people would discuss my body parts like slabs of meat, my identity like a disorder. As much as I was grateful she cared, confrontation was the last thing I wanted. Especially with these girls. Their bravada was a revolt against years of sexist social programming, being told they either weren’t virgin enough or whore enough, being shamed and scrutinized and on display 24/7. They were sick of it. Sick of feeling like meat, too. They believed I was a predator, so they seized this opportunity to wield the small scrap of power they possessed.
I couldn’t begrudge them that. No matter how much I wanted to scream in their faces, I’m the fucking victim.
Tamsin looked at my face and saw something there. “Move,” she snapped at the girls.
We walked out together, her arm around my waist.
Ingrid intercepted us as we drifted through the empty halls of the Oubliette.
“What happened?” she said.
“Hate brigade spotted him. Tried to run him off.”
Inge scowled. “I told you this was a bad idea. I’ll take you home.”
Tam tried to transfer custody but I stood my ground. “I get a fucking say here, too. I’m not leaving.”
“You’ll compromise us,” Ingrid said.
“Go with her,” Tam urged. “I’ll handle this. I’ve been watching Adam unseen for months.”
“I hate that you two are teaming up against me.”
Inge made a noise of disgust. “We’re teaming up for you, asshole. You’re fucking welcome.”
Tam’s fingers curled around mine for a moment, those pale eyes arresting. A glimmer flitted through them, reminding me of the coded patterns in city lights. She squeezed and I remembered, suddenly, When you touch me it feels like a conversation. She was telling me something.
And I was too freaked out and beat down to hear it.
I let Ingrid sweep me under her arm.
Tamsin murmured, “Be careful,” and I wondered, Of whom?
Halfway up the marble steps to the Cathedral, I froze. Wisps of light flickered around our feet, ghost fingers pulling at us. Ingrid curved her body around me protectively.
“Did you see—?”
“I forgot something.”
Her face was close, eyes glassy. “Your gun?”
“I need it, Inge. I feel so fucking . . . powerless.” Grimace. “Don’t make a dick joke, okay? It’s not about compensation. I literally do not feel safe, anywhere.”
“Hey.” She touched my cheek. “I understand. Let’s go get it.”
We descended back into the chill depths. I nuzzled into her neck, hiding my face, but strangely I also felt succor. This was how it used to be: Me and her versus the world. So tight on the court no one could break through.
So tight nothing could ever break us.
I wondered what Tam would think, if she saw.
Now the hall to Black Iris HQ was empty. I stepped apart from Inge.
“Stay out of sight,” I said. “I’ll be right back.”