“It’s okay. He’s okay,” she said. Wes had every right to be angry. She nodded for him to continue.
“You’ve ruined us, Abby. Don’t you see that?” His anger had spilled out, and Abby absorbed it willingly. He’d been too nice and too kind all these years, and he was right. It was possible that she had ruined everything. But it didn’t scare her. Whatever happened to her, she would survive. She tried to hug him good-bye, but he’d stormed out. He needed to be angry with her. That was what he needed now.
Time passed slowly in jail. Lily and Mom came every other day for her hourly visitation. But she hadn’t seen Wes for over a month. Abby was beginning to worry that she’d never hear from him again, until Lily showed up and handed Abby a letter. She recognized Wes’s handwriting on the envelope instantly.
“He gave this to you? How is he?” Abby asked, eager for any news about him.
“He’s hurting, Abs. But he misses you.”
Abby could barely speak. She’d missed Wes more than she’d thought possible. This was the longest they’d ever gone without talking, and she was starting to think the silence might actually drive her crazy.
Abby said her good-byes to Lily and returned to her cell. She settled onto her bunk, her hands trembling as she began to read.
It was a Wednesday, April 10th. We’d been hanging out for a few months since I’d moved back to town, and we were at my place and you were wearing that old gray T-shirt and your purple hoodie and we were on the sofa watching Tommy Boy. We’d seen it a million times, but it was that part where the deer wakes up and rips the car to shreds. You laughed so hard that night, you snorted Dr Pepper all over the place. The look on your face when you turned to me, blushing and embarrassed and so adorable, that look was one of a kind. Classic Abby Riser. That look and a million other looks made me love you. Not Lily. I know you’ll find this hard to believe, but I barely remember what Lily and I had. I know that I cared about her but we were so young. We hadn’t been through anything real. We hadn’t lost anything or anyone. I wish I’d known what you were going to do that day at the courthouse, that I could have stopped you. On one hand, I don’t understand why you’d throw everything away. On the other hand, it makes perfect sense and I hate myself for not realizing it sooner. I’m furious and hurt and scared. All my friends think I’ve lost it, that I’m a pushover, that you’ve put me through enough. They think I should just walk away. God, I wish it were that easy. But I’m telling you this now and I hope you hear it. You’re it for me, kid. You’re the one. So I’ll be here waiting. When you’re ready, I’ll be waiting.
Abby read the letter six times. She’d barely cried since she’d been arrested, but Wes’s letter shattered her. She looked down at the envelope, and that’s when she saw it. Her note, the words she’d written the night before Rick’s sentencing and left for him. We matter. Love, Abby.
She wrote him back, poured out her heart and soul, begging him to come see her, begging him to try to start over. He came the following week and then every week after that. She didn’t want him to bring David, didn’t want this place to be part of her son’s earliest memories, but he’d bring videos and stacks and stacks of photos. Sometimes they’d talk nonstop; other times they’d sit in silence, both of them realizing that after all the fight they’d put up, they were forever bound together.
When their visits ended, Abby was consumed by sadness, hating that they had to be separated. But once she was back in her cell, once the guards locked her in, she’d curl up on her bed with one of the new bestsellers Lily always brought her. Lately she’d been writing more, filling her journal with long letters to David about how much she loved him.
Abby still had no way of knowing what the courts would decide about her future. The legal wrangling was outside of her control. But whatever happened, Abby knew that for now, she was safe and she was loved. It wasn’t the life she’d imagined when Lily returned, but she went to bed each night with a clear conscience. Abby made sure to say all the right things to the doctors. How sorry she was, how she’d snapped, that she went into some kind of fugue state. But she wasn’t sorry. She hadn’t really snapped. Rick Hanson needed to be exterminated, and no one else was going to do it.
Knowing that Rick was gone, that Lily would never have to worry about him, was what Abby needed. For now, this life, in this room, was enough. Lily was free.
CHAPTER FORTY-SEVEN
EVE
This place could go for a fortune. Are you sure you won’t reconsider?”