Many long, lonely weeks later…
The little boy sitting across from me was the spitting image of his father. He had the same thick, dark hair that had a tendency toward curling, and the same clear, jade green eyes. He even had a single dimple in his cheek, a mirror to his father’s, even though his dad’s was covered up by a very attractive beard. Every time I looked at Hyde, I searched for some part of his mother, any piece of her she might have left behind in him, but he was all Zeb. Considering the way his mother had been taken from this world, it was probably a good thing the little boy was a miniature version of his old man. Right down to his thoughtful, serious personality that aged him eons beyond his actual years.
“She takes all my toys and she follows me around everywhere.” He rolled his expressive eyes as he picked at the pizza that was in front of him. “My dad says I have to be nice to her and share my toys because she’s younger than me and I need to set a good example.” He sounded as put out as any six-year-old could.
I reached over and snagged a pepperoni off his slice and popped it in my mouth while he fake glared at me. He really was the cutest kid on the planet. “Being nice and sharing are both good things. I think you should probably listen to your old man, Hyde.”
He screwed up his adorable face in an expression of youthful indignation. “She’s just so loud and messy.”
The she he was referring to was Remy Archer, the three-year-old daughter of a friend of Zeb’s that was indeed a handful, but in the best way possible. Hyde was also her most favorite person in the entire world, next to her parents and little brother. She followed him around like a puppy, begging for attention and throwing a fit when he didn’t give her what she wanted. The blonde toddler never met an adventure or experience she wasn’t willing to dive head first into and even at her tender age, she was headstrong and defiant. I could see why her wild and rebellious personality was hard to mesh with for a child that was as serious and overly cautious as Hyde was. Remy lived for trouble; Hyde made himself sick worrying about all the ways in which he could disappoint the adults in his life. Losing his mom so young, and in such a preventable and tragic way, had left its mark on the boy, and no matter how fiercely he was loved, those scars would remain.
I reached across the table and ruffled his hair. “Loud and messy can be a lot of fun, Hyde. In fact, most kids your age live for loud and messy. You should embrace the chaos while it’s still acceptable.” I didn’t want him to miss out on any part of his childhood now that he had a stable home life and parents that weren’t going anywhere. His mom had stolen too many of his years from him and because I felt the same way about mine and the constant pressure to live as Xanthe’s keeper instead of as my own person, I knew he deserved more.
He polished off his slice and gave me a toothy grin when he was done that melted my heart. “I guess she’s not so bad, once you get used to her.”
“That’s the spirit, kid.” I glanced at my cell phone and was surprised to see how much time had slipped by. Everything felt like it was going in slow motion since I’d landed back in Denver. Days dragged on, weeks inched by, and hours felt like years as I waited for Ben to come and find me. Time felt like it stood still until I picked up Hyde for our weekly dinner dates. I owed Zeb and his girlfriend Sayer everything for letting me stay in the boy’s life when they didn’t have any reason to. They didn’t have to share the precious time they had with him with a stranger who had made as many bad choices along the way as the woman that abandoned him, but they knew I loved him. They believed me when I said that all I ever wanted was what was best for Hyde, so one night a week, I got to lose myself in the unconditional love of a little boy that made my hurting heart feel whole again. “We should probably pack it in and get you back home. Your dad said you have a project you need to finish for school.”
He nodded solemnly and waited patiently while I paid the bill. “I have to write an ‘About Me’ book.”
Winter was fading fast into spring, but it was still chilly enough that I made him put his hat on over his ears as we walked to my brand spanking new SUV. Getting the insurance to pay out on the other one had been a nightmare and that was from someone in the industry. I got Hyde into his seat and strapped in before absently asking, “What’s an ‘About Me’ book?”
He gave a shrug and kicked his feet, which hung way up off the floor. His dad drove a cool vintage truck that earned all the badass points, so my SUV, as fancy and shiny new as it was, didn’t impress him very much.
“It’s a book that’s filled with things about me. Stuff I like, stuff I don’t like. I’m supposed to tell the teacher about my family and friends.” He made a face that had me laughing when I caught sight of it in the rearview mirror. “I guess I’ll have to tell her about Remy since she’s technically my friend.”
I snorted out a laugh and made my way through the city toward Capitol Hill where all the old, restored Victorians were. “Yeah, buddy, she is your friend, so you should definitely include her. Be sure to mention that you share your toys with her. Never hurts to butter the teacher up.”
His eyes locked on mine in the mirror and he tilted his head to the side. “Do you think I should mention my mom? I know she’s not here anymore, but she’s still up here.” He pointed to the side of his head where his little beanie was sitting slightly askew.
I sucked in a breath and willed the spasm in my heart to pass. “If she’s in your head and in your heart, Hyde, then she is a part of you. She’s always going to have a spot in your memories, both good and bad, but you don’t have to share that with anyone else if you don’t want to. That can be something that’s just between you and her, little man.” I hoped that was the right thing to say. I didn’t want his son telling Zeb that I was encouraging him to keep something from him, but I knew how closely I guarded the memories I had of Xanthe and now the ones I hoarded from my time with Ben. It was something special that was just mine, something precious that I didn’t want anyone else to taint or tarnish. Those memories were what kept me going when the days felt endless and keeping it together felt impossible. I didn’t want anyone else’s fingerprints all over them, so I wouldn’t blame Hyde for wanting to keep the few good moments his mother had given him all to himself.