I cringed – Ian's quiet anger was worse than shouting. I was unable to do anything besides blurt out, "I'm sorry!" again. He didn't need an explanation. There was nothing that I could say to change the way he was feeling.
"Did he say he's going to leave her?"
I nodded. "When we get to the palace."
"It won't last." Ian drew in a deep frustrated breath and stared at me. "He's only going to break your heart, Ryiah. He's a prince – he's never going to choose you! You are lowborn!"
I opened my mouth and then shut it instead.
"You will never, ever be good enough. Not for Darren." There was so much fury in his eyes - and now there was anger building in me as well.
"You don't know him!" The words came out harsher than I intended.
Ian ignored me, continuing bitterly: "Whatever lies he told you, I hope the fleeting moments are worth it, Ryiah." Then he straightened. "When he betrays you – because he will - I hope you remember that."
I watched the fourth-year retreat angrily into the barracks, shoving past the prince as he exited the building. The two of them locked eyes for a single moment, and then Ian was gone and Darren was left standing outside, watching me.
I shook my head slightly. The prince watched me for another moment, and then sighed and disappeared back through the barrack doors.
I felt silent tears build up in frustration. I blinked them away. Now more than ever I needed to remain strong. Alone.
Everything depended on these next few months.
****
"Langli may be a beautiful city," Ella said as her horse dipped its head attempting to steal a cluster of tall, high grass, "but I am happy we are moving on now."
It's almost over!
I smiled to myself and let my gaze slip over to Darren, riding a couple spots in front of the faction. He was in the middle of a debate with Eve and Ray and a couple of the fifth-years they were friends with. After a couple seconds he looked back, sensing my stare, and he didn't look away.
My pulse stopped. I ached to cross the distance between us and touch his face, his lips, anything besides empty air.
The sensation became more desperate when I noticed the expression in Darren's eyes mirrored my own. It was like this every time one of us caught the other staring. Neither of us was capable of looking away - as if there were some invisible cord holding us in place, trapping us in a daze we couldn't break… until Eve tapped the prince's shoulder and Darren, jumping, returned to his dialogue with the others and his back to me.
I continued watching him, memorizing the confident way he spoke and the way he drummed the saddle with his long, lean fingers until Ella reached over to wave a hand in front of my face.
"Hey," she chided, "enough of that! We've still got a week to go before we reach Devon and I'd like to think I'll get some conversation out of you on the way there!"
I bit my lip. "Sorry Ella."
"You are worse than your brother and I."
I raised a brow. "You two only think you are sneaky. I know your aim hasn't gotten any better since you started those 'late night practice sessions.'"
"Well it's not as if I am being courted by Byron's favorite apprentice." She snorted and added quietly, "Darren could stare at you all day and the master would deny the entire thing. Meanwhile Master Joan catches one whiff of Alex and I and she sends us on latrine duty for a month!"
I lowered my voice, "Darren doesn't do that." Then I gave Ella a meaningful look. Priscilla might be out of earshot but there was still a chance someone could overhear us. No one could know about Darren and me. Well, Alex and Ella and Ian knew – but the first two would never tell, and Ian was too busy avoiding me.
Darren and I had to be very discreet. Right now the others could only speculate. They knew that something had happened while Darren and I were on the mission – it was obvious since I had ended things with Ian. But what they didn't know was what. Darren was still with Priscilla, and as far as they could tell Darren and I had never shared so much as a word in passing since we arrived.
Except for the staring.
On our last day on the ship we had both agreed that the best thing to do was wait until we reached the palace. If Darren were to publicly denounce his betrothal before that, chaos would ensue. Priscilla's father had too much influence, too much wealth. The king would be upset beyond measure if he found out from an angry lord first. An exchange of letters would never suffice. Darren needed to seek out his father in person and in private, before the news breached. He needed to give his father a chance to accept his decision before it was announced publicly. Otherwise… I didn't want to think what it would mean if the king refused.
It was our best chance.
Glancing back up front I saw Priscilla had joined Darren's party. My heart sped up, angry blood coursing across my veins as the dark-haired beauty took her place beside him.