"I – I thought you were…"
Darren winced, keeping a hand on my shoulder as he studied my face. "You don't give me much credit," he said hoarsely, "if you thought one of your castings would kill me." He had meant it as a joke, a play on the vanity he always wore around the rest of our faction - but it only made me cry harder.
"Hey. Hey!" Darren shook me. "I was kidding, Ryiah!"
"How…?" I couldn't finish.
"I was on my way back when I heard you calling but by the time I got there the Caltothians had found you..." He swallowed. "I was about to jump in when you pain cast… If I hadn't cast my shield – well, let's just say your pain casting has gotten a bit stronger since the first-year trials."
I couldn't look at him. I was too afraid if I did I would see I was alone – that this scene was all just a figment of my imagination, a way of coping with my loss. What he said made sense, but it was just too simple, too easy.
"Ryiah. Look at me."
I kept my eyes fixed to the hem of his sleeve, but then Darren lifted my chin so that I was forced to meet his eyes. Silent tears slipped down my face.
My breath hitched.
He's here. He's alive.
It should have made the tears stop – but they only seemed to come down harder.
"Why are you still crying, Ryiah?" his words were almost a whisper.
I just shook my head, not trusting myself to speak.
"Ryiah." He was looking at me strangely. "Are you in love with me?"
Was I? Was that it? Was that why I had been unable to make a decision for weeks – and, even after I had, I'd still been miserable inside? Was that why I had resigned myself to the enemy instead of going back to the ship? Was that why I couldn't stop crying?
And then: don't you dare tell him! You know it will be a mistake if you do!
"Yes." My voice cracked. I hated myself for saying the word aloud.
I heard myself add softly: "But I don't want to be."
"Why don't-" His eyes met mine and Darren swore. "I should've known. I should have but I was too proud to accept it." He laughed shortly, "By the gods, it doesn't surprise me that the girl I love is too proud to be a mistress." His eyes became serious. "We are the same, you and I. Both of us are too mule-headed, too stubborn, too proud-"
I looked away, unable to hold his gaze.
"-And I am just too in love with you to care anymore." Darren's hand found my trembling one and he said abruptly, "I'll end it, Ryiah. I will call off the betrothal."
I looked up. Shock – and hope - tore across my heart in rapid succession. Then: "But what about your duty?"
"I don't care!" His face was inches from mine and I could see the anger building in his eyes. "I am tired of following their rules. I deserve one good thing. One good thing for always doing what they want, being who they want me to be – I…" Darren's grip on my hand tightened. "I want you, Ryiah. Just say the words and I'll do it. I'll find a way to convince my father."
I could barely breathe. Every inch of me was singing and crying out. The words were fighting to rise and I was hard pressed to stop them. I didn't want to stop them.
He doesn't know what he is saying. Both of you are drunk on emotion. He isn't being rational, you aren't thinking clearly. Who's to say the king will even let him call off the engagement? And most importantly: Could it be this easy?
I realized I didn't care.
"I choose you."
"You have to mean it."
I glanced up, startled. "I do!"
Darren had started to smile. "Prove it." His gaze dropped to my mouth.
All at once I was aware of how close we were sitting. My poor beating heart almost ripped itself right out of my chest. I had said yes. I had chosen him. And Darren was looking at me. He was looking at me and, and…
This time it wasn't a dream.
The sky lit up and I froze.
Lightning.
The ship!
"Get up!" I pulled Darren off the ground and pointed to the trees just beyond us.
"Ryiah, what are you-"
"They are leaving!" My whole face was flushed. "Andy cast lightning! We have to get to shore – they might have already-"
Darren started to run, clutching my hand in his as he made his way through the forest. I followed, hardly conscious of the pain in my side. We were two shadows in the night, racing across the darkness, our hearts beating as one.
The wound in my stomach, the dizziness, none of the aches from earlier had really subsided – but somehow the warmth of Darren's fingers in mine gave me strength to continue. I couldn't remember how close we were to shore. I didn't let myself think about what would happen if the others were gone. I just kept running, running knowing that even if they were, I had won:
Darren was alive.
If the gods had chosen to grant one wish, I was happy it was mine.
CHAPTER TWELVE