"Don't do this."
"This was a mistake," I heard myself say. "I'm not – you aren't yourself - we-"
"Ryiah." Darren's eyes burned crimson. "I'm not sorry."
****
I'm not sorry. Darren's words continued to echo across my thoughts as I raced down the corridor halls. Panic invaded everything I had worked so hard to build. I had to find Ian before Lynn got to him. I had to tell him that it didn't-
"Ryiah!" Ella and Alex found me as I stumbled down the stairwell. "What happened? Lynn just told Ian she needed to talk to him and when he declined she said…" Ella's hazel eyes took in the rest of my appearance: the tussled hair, the smeared rogue, the frayed ends on the back of my dress when Darren had shoved me against the wall.
"Ry." My twin's eyes were huge. "How could you?"
I spotted Ian stumbling out of the ballroom, Lynn running after him talking rapidly. The blood froze in my veins when he saw me. Pain flared in his eyes.
He immediately turned heel and headed in the opposite direction.
I ran after him, not caring that everyone in the atrium saw me as I dashed across the room in panic.
"Ian – wait! Please!"
The fourth-year turned, green eyes flashing. "Don't follow me, Ryiah."
"Ian, Ian I'm sorry!" I couldn't speak. Tears were pouring down my face and I couldn't stop them as I stood shaking in the hall, begging him to stay.
Ian hesitated, and something slipped across his eyes as he looked back at me. "Who is it, Ryiah? Is it me? Or him?"
My breathing hitched and it felt impossible to speak. I knew which one I should say, but the last ten minutes could not be erased. No matter how much I wished they could. "I," I faltered. "I don't know."
"I hope you figure it out soon, Ryiah." He swallowed painfully. "Because my heart is breaking until you do."
I watched him go, hating myself.
"Ryiah."
Darren was watching me from the shadows.
"You did this!" I turned on him. "You always do this. You swoop in and ruin my life and then you run away leaving me to pick up the pieces! Haven't you done enough?"
His eyes stayed on my face. "Ryiah. I'm not running away. I'm in lo-"
"Don't!" I clapped my hand over his mouth, suddenly afraid. "Don't you dare say it!"
Darren stared down at me, two flames dancing across my vision. My hand trembled.
"You had your chance," I continued bitterly. "There was no one else and you chose her. Not me. Priscilla, Darren! You are still with her."
"Ryiah, it's not that simple!"
"But it should be!" I cried desperately. "It is with Ian!"
"Are you really in love with him?" Darren asked quietly.
My eyes stung and I forced myself to walk away. I was too afraid of what I might do if I stayed with the non-heir a moment longer.
"You don't love him." Darren's voice chased after me. Haunting me. "If you did, you wouldn't have kissed me back. Not like you did."
I didn't reply. I was too busy running away.
CHAPTER TEN
I liked misery. It was the only possible explanation for why after four weeks of awkward silence and long pauses there was still no answer to Ian's question. It was wrong to draw out my decision …but it seemed like every time Ian's name came to my lips I would remember Darren and a little part of me would shatter.
Why are you stalling, Ryiah? It was ridiculous. Darren was with Priscilla. He was a prince. There was no hope in saying yes to the boy with the garnet eyes who left me reckless and confused at every turn. There was no future with him. None. Darren had duty. To the Crown. Gods only knew Priscilla and Blayne had spent enough time reminding me of that.
And I was not – would never be - a mistress.
"Concentrate, apprentices, if I have to say it one more time I am going to have all of you take turns serving as your partner's mark for this exercise."
No matter how well he can kiss.
A surge of heat sprung from my hands and I sent my casting crashing into sky beyond. The bolt shimmered in the air, a brilliant flash of gold, and then it was gone. My jaw dropped. Lightning. I had just cast lightning.
"Ry," Eve said to my left, impressed. "How did you do that?"
Several others had turned to stare as well and I felt myself blushing under the attention. The younger apprentices had been trying for weeks to successfully cast the most infamous of all weather magic… I had been the first one of my year to successfully manage it.
"I – I don't know," I stammered. I tried again, holding my breath and summoning the same projection as before. Nothing.