We head out in Nick’s Porsche, and Bria is asleep in minutes. Nick is quiet the whole drive, and once we’re at the airport, he busts out a stroller for Bria so that she can keep sleeping. I push her while Nick gets all the bags, and as we head into the International terminal, I can’t help but think that we look like a family. I try to push the thought out of my head.
As we check in with our passports and go through security, we have an hour before boarding, so I walk up and down the terminal nervously while Nick lets Bria sleep in his lap. I buy a couple books, and I make my way to the bathroom, assessing my appearance. I’m not wearing a stitch of makeup, and I’ve thrown my hair up into a messy bun.
Relax, Evi. It’s just a vacation.
I vow to drink as much as possible to forget how good it felt to kiss Nick.
How right it felt.
We get onto the plane relatively hassle-free, and the flight attendants check Bria’s stroller at the gate. I thank them, and they hand me the ticket.
“Have a good flight, Mrs. Wilder.”
My heart stops. Nick is too far ahead to have heard. I shake my head vehemently.
“We’re not married,” I hiss.
“My apologies,” she says warmly. “Cute kid,” she adds, gesturing to Bria. She does look quite precious right now, fast asleep in Nick’s arms.
“Yeah, she is.”
I follow Nick and Bria to our row. Nick takes the window, Bria sits in the middle, and I have the aisle. Once we’re all buckled in, Bria leans over to me and rests her head on my shoulder. I lift the armrest and wrap my arms around her. I try not to look at Nick—instead I bust out my book and begin to read. I’ve never been on a flight this long, and the thought of being stuck next to Nick for six hours is slightly terrifying.
“She can really sleep through anything,” I whisper as the plane takes off.
“She slept through most of the crash,” he says solemnly. I almost ask him what he means, and then understanding hits me.
The crash that killed Isabel and Matthias.
“Wow.” It’s all I can think to say.
“Didn’t really wake up until we were at the hospital. She was the only one who wasn’t injured.”
“What… what happened?” I ask, and Nick turns towards me.
“I was driving. It was late. We were coming back from dinner. Isabel was still breastfeeding Matthias, and he was crying, so she went into the backseat and held him in her arms, feeding him. She wasn’t wearing a seatbelt, and obviously, neither was Matthias. It was stupid, I know. I fucking kick myself every single damn day about that.”
I look over at him, and he has his head in his hands. He continues.
“It was raining. I hydroplaned. I wasn’t speeding, but I definitely wasn’t being the most careful driver. It would’ve been fine, except that they weren’t wearing their seatbelts. Isabel insisted on feeding him, and I let her. I fucking let her. We hit a tree, and they flew forward, through the windshield. Both of them were pronounced dead later that night, in the hospital. They sustained too many injuries. They both had internal bleeding, and neither of them could be saved.”
“Oh, Nick…” I whisper. I reach out for his hand, and he takes it. “I’m so sorry.”
He just looks at me sadly, and I can see the regret etched into his face.
“I shouldn’t have let her go back there. I should’ve insisted—”
“It’s not your fault, Nick. It was raining, and there were extenuating circumstances that came together to form this awful thing—the rain, the tree, the internal bleeding. None of those things were your fault.”
“It’s hard not to blame myself, though.”
“I know.”
I hold his hand tightly, and Bria stirs underneath us.
“She was so distraught when she woke up,” Nick says, and his voice breaks. I look over at him. The cabin lights are off, but his face is illuminated from the plane wing lights. “Bria. She didn’t stop crying for days, weeks. She was only three. She couldn’t process that her mother and brother were gone, just like that. She didn’t understand. She still has nightmares about it.”