“Or we could choose to simply be.” Max walked around the tree toward her. “Children are never guaranteed for our kind. Don’t ever think that you aren’t enough, Reni. You have always been enough for me.”
She leaned her forehead into his chest. How can I be enough?
“I love you,” he whispered. “You will always be enough.”
What if Max was right? What if they had both lost their chance of a soul mate? Renata knew that she’d never love another scribe the way she loved Max. Her fear had been that he would find better. Find his best.
But what if it really was her?
“Are you frightened?” he asked.
“Yes. Aren’t you?”
“I’m only frightened you’ll leave again,” he said. “I’ve chased you for a long time.”
She lifted her head and met his eyes. “This was my last hiding place.”
His eyes danced. “As if you couldn’t find another.”
“I’m tired of running from you.” She leaned forward and took his mouth in a long kiss. His lips were warm and dry. Heat radiated from his chest and arms as he put them around her. Renata’s head spun. From pleasure or lack of air, she couldn’t quite tell. When they broke apart, Max was smiling as she gasped for air.
“You wanted to be caught.”
“Maybe. I suppose if I hadn’t, I would have shot you the first time you found me.” She closed her eyes and leaned on his shoulder “What do you want from me, Maxim?”
“I want you to give us a chance,” he said. “I want to love you when you don’t have one foot out the door like you did in Vienna. I want you to move to Istanbul and live with me and help me in my work. Help Leo and Kyra train kareshta. Help me gather information about Grigori who are threats. You don’t have to stay in one place—you’re not that kind of woman—but I want to know that when you’re ready to come home, you’re coming to me.”
As he listed his wishes, Renata realized that what Max really wanted was a commitment. He wanted Renata to risk that his love would last. That it wouldn’t be usurped by an interloper who might or might not exist. He wanted her to trust him.
When she thought about it that way, the answer was obvious. Max was the most stubbornly faithful man she’d ever met. She’d trust him with her life. More, she’d trust her sisters’ lives to him.
“Yes,” she said simply. “We should cut this one and get back to the house.” She stepped back and looked at the tree, holding her hand out for the ax Max was carrying. “May I?”
His mouth was hanging open. “What?”
“We should cut this one. Unless there is something wrong with the other side. You looked at it. I did not.”
“You said yes.”
“I did.” And part of her soul was crouched in fear. She felt as if she’d stripped to her skin and walked into the storm that was coming for them.
“You’ll move to Istanbul?”
She nodded. “It’s a reasonable suggestion and a good base. I have no problem working with Malachi.”
“You’ll help Leo and Kyra.”
“When I can.”
He dropped the ax and reached for her hand. “You’ll come home with me.”
“And I’ll leave again.” She looked at him. “Understand that, Maxim. I won’t be with you every moment. I was that girl once; I’m not anymore. I need to be useful, which means that sometimes I’ll leave. Sometimes you’ll come with me. Or I’ll go with you. But sometimes I won’t be able to tell you where I’m going and I’ll have to go alone.”
His hand gripped her fingers. “But you’ll come home.”
“I will come home. So if you want to be that home, then I say yes. I’ll come home to you.”
They spent the afternoon cleaning and decorating the tree, cutting paper garlands from stacks of newspaper piled by the fire, making stars out of sticks and thread, and finding small candles to light the branches. They set the tree in the corner, and Max decorated it while Renata cut bread and opened cans of oily sardines and oysters one of the renters had left. She set out a tray with oysters, olives, apples, and roasted hazelnuts.
“We should be fine as long as you like bread,” she said. “There’s plenty of flour and oil. The meat I brought will last for another week or so. The previous renters left quite a few cans of these. The apples won’t last long though.”
“Is there hunting here?”
Renata nodded. “There’s good hunting if the weather clears. Deer and chamois, mostly. I can set out traps for rabbits.” She could feel his eyes on her. “What?”
“You’re very easy to live with,” he said. “I remember from Vienna. Not everyone is.”
“I thought the same about you.”
“Did you live with Balien?”
Her chest tightened, but she forced herself to take deep breaths.
Max said, “It still bothers you to talk about him.”
“It bothers me to talk about the past,” she said. “It’s not him in particular. And no. My parents were traditional. We wouldn’t live together until we were mated, though we shared rooms when we traveled. That wasn’t an issue.”
“Why didn’t you mate?”
Renata laughed a little. “Not everyone is so eager to jump into mating. I wanted to meet Balien’s family. And later, he was worried that mating with me…”
“You both would have been weaker for a time.”
She nodded. “It didn’t seem like a good idea when we were running.”
Max turned back to the tree, hanging red paper stars on the top branches. “I’m giving us six months.”
Renata blinked. “What?”
“Six months,” he said. “After that, the world might be falling apart, but I’m taking you away and making you mine. My brothers will have to understand.”
“Six months is not very long.”
He frowned. “How about six months and eighteen years? Is that long enough to know if someone is your mate?”
Her cheeks reddened. “I suppose you have a point. Still, we don’t know what will be happening in six months. It might not be a good time—”
“No.” Max walked over and pulled her up by her hand. “Six months, Renata. I knew years ago we were suited. I’m not willing to wait longer to appease someone else’s schedule or plans. You are my priority. When it comes to you, I will be entirely selfish.”
“You’re important to your watcher.”
“And you’re important to me.” He kissed her and let her go. “Six months.”
She snuggled into his side, looking at the tiny lights on the tree as they sat by the fire.
“Admit it.”
Renata didn’t feel like arguing. “You’re right. It’s lovely and a wonderful tradition. Though I’ll be sweeping up pine needles for weeks.”
“Worth it. I’ll vacuum them up too. The tree is perfect.”
She cocked her head. “It does look very nice there.”
“Our dinner was delicious. And the bread you have baking smells heavenly.” He nuzzled her hair. “Almost as heavenly as you.”
“The bread is far, far sweeter,” she said with a laugh.
He leaned back and looked at her. “What is that expression? I don’t think I recognize it.”
“I’m… happy.”
“Are you?” He played with her hair.
“Don’t tease.”