“We have a few minutes before dinner is ready. You want to share what you’re thinking so hard about over there?”
I wasn’t sure I did.
I had been getting ready to leave Brenda’s after visiting with her for a few hours when Kean sent a text asking me to have dinner with him at his place. I had stayed the entire weekend with him and had planned to return to my apartment. Thad had promised a security detail would be stationed outside my door for my safety but after the work day I’d experienced, I wanted to see Kean.
I wanted to talk about what happened with my boss and the article. I wanted to explain why I had decided to not only toss my assignment out the window but also why I’d waited so long to disclose my decision to everyone. However, when I had arrived at his place, I found myself knotted in a bundle of anxious nerves. I was worried Kean would be upset that I’d waited to bring him into the loop of what I was doing, especially since it concerned him.
“I had a bad day at work,” I replied.
“Wasn’t today the due date for your article?”
“Yeah it was due today. But I didn’t turn it in.”
Grabbing a dish towel off the counter he momentarily gave me his back as he pulled the casserole dish out of the oven and set it on the stove.
“Why didn’t you turn it in? I thought I gave you enough information for it.”
“You did. And I appreciated it. I know how hard it was for you. I chose not to complete it because it wasn’t what my boss wanted me to write.”
Setting a plate heaped with cheesy noodles in front of where I was standing, Kean crossed his arms and leaned a hip against the counter, waiting for me to continue.
“Shawna wanted me to take a different angle than what I wanted to write,” I repeated, scooping up a big fork full of hot noodles and shoving them past my lips.
I immediately regretted the decision when the roof of my mouth burned like hell. Kean shook his head and handed me a glass of water, which I quickly downed.
“Ciaran, let it cool some. You’re going to damage the roof of your mouth and there is not much I can do to fix it. What exactly did your boss expect you to write?”
I set the water glass down and took a gulp of my wine before answering his question. “She asked me to include personal information about you since you normally do not give interviews. She is convinced women would go crazy for it and it would boost magazine sales. I didn’t feel it was fair so I opted not to write the article.”
Kean froze.
It was so quietly still I could hear the oversized metal wall clock ticking from where it hung on the living room wall.
“You’re just telling me this now? When did your boss state she wanted information about my personal life?” he asked after a minute or so. There was an edge to his voice I hadn’t heard in quite some time. It made me squirm in my seat.
“I’ve always known that was the angle, why?”
“Why? Did you seriously just ask me why? You knew the magazine you work for was clamoring to use my personal life to make money this the entire time and what? You lied about it?”
“See, I knew you were going to get upset.”
He frowned and placed both hands on the counter in between us. “If I recall correctly, you told me more than once this article wasn’t personal. You even told Gloria you were planning on taking a different approach with it. More about why women choose to have plastic surgery. You lied and you don’t think I have a right to be upset?” His voice rose as he posed the last question.
“Kean, I didn’t lie so calm down. I was never going to write what Shawna wanted.”
“Do not fucking tell me to calm down. And you did lie. Whether you lied to your boss or to me it makes no difference. It’s still a lie. But I have another question for you. Did you know what Shawna wanted before or after we fucked, Ciaran?”
Shit. Shit. Shit.
Kean thought I slept with him just to get my story. I needed to explain it was never like that. I shook my head trying to tell him that I didn’t sleep with him to get what I wanted but my mouth refused to cooperate.
“Did you know before we fucked?” Kean yelled.
I paled and stayed mute as he stormed around the counter and grabbed me by both arms. Shaking me lightly, he growled, “You fucking did, didn’t you? You let me fuck you knowing you were doing it for the sake of your damn article. You let me talk about my family and my past all so you could write about it. Were you even getting threats or was that a lie too?”
I fought the urge to cry as I found my voice. “No, no. I promise that wasn’t it. I slept with you because it was what I wanted. I wanted you. All the threats were real. I can show them to you. And the candy, Thad found the candy.”
Releasing my arms, he ran both hands through his hair. “Were they real? For all I know, you, Whitman and your fucking co-workers probably made them all up.”
“Kean, please calm down, I would never do something like that. Stuart attacked me. He tried to rape me!”
“Don’t fucking lie to me, Ciaran.” He slammed his palms against the counter.
“I swear to God, I’m not lying. I told my boss this morning I wasn’t going to write it,” I shouted, throwing my hands into the air.
“This morning. After I saved your ass from Stuart. How convenient. You want to know the irony of it all? I would have fucked you anyway, because you are no different than any other woman out there.”
“Kean, you’re acting ridiculous. I’m not fucking lying.”
“Get out,” Kean growled as he moved out of the kitchen and across the living room.
“Kean, don’t shut me out like this. I love you.”
He looked down at his shoes before meeting my eyes. There was a world of hurt reflected in them as he fixed his gaze on my face. “Ciaran, I can’t do this with you.”
My insides felt like they were being ripped to pieces.
A knock on the door of the apartment startled us both. Kean stormed over to it and yanked it open. A familiar-looking, curvy, platinum blonde stood on the threshold holding a brown paper bag in her hands.
“Monique what are you doing here?” Kean snapped.
“Now, Kean. Is that the way to greet me after we spent the entire day the way we did? I figured you must have worked up an appetite so I brought your favorite dinner from the Chinese restaurant you love. I remembered it from the last time I stayed the night here.”
My sharp intake of air drew both their attention as those stormy deep green eyes collided with mine.
“Monique, now isn’t good,” Kean said, keeping his focus on my face.
I couldn’t move. My system had gone into shock.
I stared past him at Monique as I inhaled air at a fast pace. This couldn’t be happening. He wouldn’t sleep with Monique after everything we had been through. Would he?
Kean let go of the door handle, his expression unreadable, as he slowly walked towards me. “Ciaran?”
Fuck. He had.
Kean took another step in my direction and reached his arm out in front of him like he was preparing to grab me but I flinched, making him freeze. “Ciaran, wait. I can explain.”
I looked at the opened doorway where Monique serenely smiled and made my decision. Dodging Kean’s hands, I grabbed my keys from the accent table closest to the front door and ran for the elevator. Thankfully, Thad was just stepping out of a car so the doors were wide open. I bolted right past him and hit the door closed button before he could react to Kean’s yelling from down the hallway. Leaning against the elevator wall, I fought for control over a rapidly-building panic attack.
God, I was such an idiot.
Kean had been screwing Monique this entire time. He hadn’t let me in at all. He stood there and blamed me for using him when this entire time he had been using me. I was just another notch on his fucking bedpost. Why did I have to fall for him?