It pained me that she was right. She had tried to come to me more than once but I refused to listen. I didn’t deserve her, not a single ounce of her, in my fucked up life.
“Ciaran, I’m sorry, baby. I’m so, so sorry. This is all my fault. I hate that you are being threatened over shit concerning me. You could have been seriously hurt if not killed.”
“Kean, it’s not your fault. I’m the one who was assigned to write about you. Whoever it is knows what I’m doing and is trying to use me to get to you. I keep trying to figure it out myself.”
“I know I acted like an ass but you still should have told me. I could have helped. How was I supposed to keep you safe if I didn’t even know you were in danger to begin with?”
She pushed up and pressed her lips to mine.
I broke the kiss, the need to get her out of the hospital and somewhere safe weighing heavily on my conscience.
“Let’s get you home.”
“Will you stay with me?” she asked, misunderstanding my words and intentions. She didn’t realize which home I was referring to.
“Ciaran, I was talking about my place.”
She gave me a smile that pierced right through me. I returned it as I leaned my forehead against hers. I was falling deeper with every ticking second.
Chapter Twenty-Four
Ciaran
The next morning Kean dropped me off at work with strict instructions not to leave the office unless I notified him where I was going. I was bothered by his request but since I had pitched a fit over his original plan, which was to leave Thad with me as an acting bodyguard, I half-heartedly agreed.
I wasn’t ungrateful. I appreciated Kean’s concern but at the same time it made the situation so much worse by feeding my paranoia. Adding Thad to the mix would draw too much attention and I was trying to lay low. I couldn’t stop constantly checking my surroundings, doing double takes thinking I had seen something when there was nothing. I was seeing shadows move in corners that didn’t exist and freaking myself out. I figured if I could become one with the shadows, I wouldn’t be noticed.
The night before, Thad had returned to Kean’s hauling an overnight bag from my apartment. He informed us both he was able to retrieve the chocolates and was having someone run fingerprints off the box they were packaged in. They were also testing to verify the candies had been laced with diazepam but it would take at least twenty-four hours before those results were in.
He also found a note. It had been taped under the plastic liner that held the candy. Not a place I would have looked but I don’t think it was meant for me. More than likely it was meant for after they found my body. I was immediately curious what the note said but both Kean and Thad refused to tell me.
After listening to what information Thad did share, I took a hot shower, threw on one of Kean’s t-shirts and crawled into bed where I crashed. The next thing I knew, it was morning and an already dressed Kean was waking me up. Unfortunately, it was much later than my normal time and caused me to rush as I threw on clothes for work. Out of irritation I snapped at Kean and promptly felt like shit when he explained he was trying to allow extra time for me to rest.
Then we got into another heated discussion when I told him I wouldn’t be returning to his place after work. My plan was to take an Uber to the hospital to see Brenda and return to my apartment afterwards. Kean had absolutely hated and refused the idea. He was determined to keep an eye on me at all times, which I hated. I was frustrated and on edge.
For the first time in my life, I felt like I was dependent upon another individual for my safety. I’ve always taken pride in my strong woman persona and wasn’t used to someone coming to my rescue. I also didn’t want fear to be the basis of my relationship with Kean. If we were doing this, then it would be based on our feelings for each other not that I was scared to be without him or that I needed him to protect me.
Sitting at my desk I glanced at the vase of white roses standing against the partition separating my work area from Brenda’s.
A wave of guilt swept through me.
Brenda didn’t deserve what had happened to her. It was my fault. I should have warned her not to accept or open any packages that were delivered for me. It was tricky because she had seen the roses on my desk. The single blossom on top of the candy box made it seem like it was from Kean. I hoped she could forgive me for dragging her into my drama.
“Ciaran.” At the sound of my name, I yelped.
Spinning around in my chair, I almost kicked Stuart who was standing right behind me. “Stuart, you scared me.”
He crossed his arms. “Have you heard anything about Brenda?”
“Kean called the hospital this morning to check on her status. She was doing better. They are going to keep her a couple of more days for observation. I’m planning on going to see her this evening after work.”
Stuart looked over my head and out the window before refocusing his blue eyes on my face. “How long have you been sleeping with Kean?”
The cranky side of me wanted to snap at him that it wasn’t any of his business but the overwhelming guilt I was feeling came out. “A couple of weeks. I’m sorry, Stuart. I didn’t mean to hurt you. It just sort of happened.”
His color started to pale. “Is it serious?”
“I get the feeling it is. Honestly, we haven’t really discussed it in great detail.”
Stuart absentmindedly nodded. “I stopped by to see if you wanted to grab dinner tonight? We need to go over our assignments before Monday’s final print is due.”
“Tonight’s not good. What about grabbing lunch now?” I asked, trying to make eye contact with him. It wasn’t working. He kept his gaze focused on the scenery outside.
“I can’t right now. I have a meeting in five minutes, then an errand to run. It has to be tonight.”
“Stuart, I’m planning on seeing Brenda tonight. How about tomorrow afternoon?”
“That won’t work. I’m flying out tomorrow morning and won’t be back until late Sunday. The only time I can get with you would be tonight. Tell you what, we can make it an early dinner and you can see Brenda after. I would hate to tell Shawna you couldn’t fit it into your schedule, especially since you never turned in a draft to begin with.”
I sighed. I was getting sick and tired of everyone telling me what to do.
“No, Stuart. That’s not going to work. I already made plans to see Brenda. Sorry.” I shrugged.
An awkward silence filled the small cubby area as Stuart finally met my glare and we stared each other down. I wasn’t sure what he was waiting for but I wasn’t about to look away first.
He blinked once, breaking the connection and walked off without another word.
I slumped back into my desk chair.
Hopefully, the man had finally gotten the hint.
……………………..
My phone chirped with an incoming text message. Looking at the screen, I was shocked to see it was already past seven. I had been staring at my computer screen for hours while I tried to figure out a way to rewrite my article.
Tapping my phone, I opened my text messages and smiled at Kean’s lit up name.
Kean: You were supposed to let me know when you left the building.
I groaned and typed a message back.
Me: I know but I haven’t exactly left the building yet. I was working on my assignment and lost track of time. I am getting ready to leave for the hospital.
The phone chirped immediately.
Kean: I can pick you up. I’m not too far away. Are you ready to go now?
Of course, he wasn’t too far. With his overbearing protectiveness, I wouldn’t be surprised if he was already waiting at the curb.
Me: You don’t need to come get me. I scheduled an Uber. It should already be outside.
I couldn’t believe I just lied to the man I cared about in a text when all he was trying to do was protect me. It was like another one of those defense mechanisms that I couldn’t control. My mind was determined to be independent.