“It depends on who’s wearing it. On me, people would be like, ‘Well, yeah, we can see that.’”
But looking at Caitlin now was more like looking in a mirror. Reflected there, she saw exhaustion, worry, guilt, shame. “Oh God,” she said. “Is it Leo? What are you doing here?”
“Leo is fine,” Caitlin said. “They discharged him, though we’re keeping a close eye. Just to be a hundred percent sure.”
“Doctor’s orders?”
“More like Mom’s orders.”
Violet looked past her into the darkness, but no one was there. “Who’s watching him?”
“George.” She took a deep breath. “I’m here about Bear. I … I know where he is. I came to take you to him.”
Violet blinked at her, disbelieving. Opposing tides of relief and fury clashed within her, turning her instantly into a dangerous whirlpool.
“If you know where he is, why isn’t he with you?” she cried. “Why did you waste time driving here, rather than calling the FBI? What’s wrong with you?”
“Because we were afraid if I brought him to you, you wouldn’t come with me,” Caitlin said, jutting her chin stubbornly into the air. This was unfamiliar territory for her, Violet knew, being called out on anything at all, let alone something so awful. And Violet could see it on her face as her voice turned pleading. “I need you to come with me. No matter what happens next, you’ve got to come talk to Finn first.”
“We were afraid?” Violet repeated, incredulous. “Who is we? You and Finn?”
Caitlin shook her head. “Me and George.”
It was all Violet could do not to shake Caitlin by the shoulders. “Where are they?”
“The cabin,” Caitlin said, and Violet drew back. All along, she’d been picturing Bear being dragged along on the run, spending the night in seedy hotel rooms, even sleeping in his car seat as Finn drove and drove him farther and farther from her. But relaxing at George’s family’s vacation home, in the place where Violet and Bear and Finn themselves had vacationed the summer before? With what, with Caitlin there too? Grilling dinner, laughing around the campfire?
“How long have they been there?” she asked.
“A couple days,” Caitlin admitted.
“Days?” The relief she felt that her little boy was safe and accounted for was displaced by a blind rage. Her eyes burned.
Caitlin started to cry. “Vi—”
“I’m calling Agent Martin right now.”
“I swear to God, I don’t know where they were before that! I was just as shocked as you when they showed up.” Caitlin’s words came rapidly, desperately, almost incoherently through her sobs. “It’s not like Finn called me, or knocked on my door. He broke into my house while I was at work. I came home and found him there—but then he blackmailed me. And I’ve been trying to figure a way out of it, trying to figure a way to get Bear back to you, trying to figure a way no one gets hurt, but everyone got hurt. Even poor Leo—”
“And you left them there and drove down here?” Violet felt her own panic rising. “What makes you sure they’ll be there when we get back?”
“George is keeping watch. There’s an alarm. And Finn is … he’s asleep.”
“Asleep?”
“I slipped some Ambien into his drink.”
Violet stared.
“Leo didn’t exactly just get into the pills. I was careless—” She was heaving such gasping breaths that Violet worried she was about to hyperventilate.
“Calm down, Cait,” she heard herself say.
“All I did was make everything worse! It’s so scary having the FBI involved, and George still doesn’t really even know what the hell is going on, but of course he’s furious, and I know I’m in trouble, and I just want to do the right thing. I need to do the right thing before I pay the consequences, okay? So after we get there, you can call the cops, the FBI, whoever, but please, come with me first. Some part of me still thinks that if you and Finn just talk…”
Violet’s mouth opened, but she was unable to summon any words. Caitlin turned to look over her shoulder, into the darkness of the backyard, then back at Violet. “Are they watching right now?” she asked, as Violet started to grasp the weight of everything she’d been saying. Finn had dragged Caitlin into this. Caitlin, who maybe could have helped avoid this whole thing if she’d just told Violet about Finn’s past from the start—but who had children of her own. Children who called Violet Auntie Vi, and whom Bear loved like brothers. “I wanted to tell you when I called from the hospital, but I was sure your line was bugged. I was going to bring Bear to you, but then Leo got sick and George had to come and we all went back and Finn was still out of it and George thought it would be better this way, for me to bring you there, so maybe we could all sort it out together—” She cut herself off abruptly. “Are they watching you right this minute?” she asked again.
It seemed a maddeningly audacious question, but Violet was too shocked to do anything but answer. “I don’t think so,” she said.
“Good,” Caitlin said. “It only took me three hours to get here. Three hours more, and you will be back with Bear.” Her eyes filled with tears again. “I know you hate me for this,” Caitlin said. “You have a right to. Just please, get dressed, get whatever you need, and get in the car. I’ll explain the rest on the way.”
32
AUGUST 2016
Caitlin had once had the misfortune of breaking up with a college boyfriend on the hind leg of a road trip. Better to know now, she’d told herself, that we don’t make good travel companions. What’s life if not one big journey? They’d driven the route back to campus in near silence, until they’d been caught in an intense rainstorm, and the rubber of the windshield wipers on his rusty old Volvo kept detaching from the metal as they scraped across the flooded glass in nerve-shattering, useless swipes. They had to keep pulling over to reattach them, getting more and more soaked each time, and eventually ended up waiting out the storm on the side of the road, screaming at each other all over again, which was almost better than the silence.
It was Finn whom she’d cried to after she got home. “On the bright side,” he’d said, “at least you’ve gotten that out of the way.”
“What?” she’d asked miserably, reaching out to accept the beer he offered.
“The most awkward silence you’ll ever share trapped in a car with another human being.”
She shuddered now to think of the laugh they’d shared. Finn had been wrong about so many things.
She knew Violet had questions. But her friend seemed determined not to ask them—or not to have to ask them. Rightly so, perhaps. But Caitlin wasn’t sure where to start. So she just drove, every few minutes stealing a glance at Violet, who remained staring out the passenger window, lips pursed, eyes glassed over with lack of sleep and the threat of tears.
Quit being stupid, she told herself. Just be honest. She cleared her throat.
“I guess I have a lot of explaining to do,” she ventured.