She turned to face him. “Why? Why do we have to talk about it? This thing has been going on between us for a long time, and I guess it’s just something that we have to deal with. But please . . . let’s not talk about it if all you’re going to keep saying is that you can’t and don’t want to.”
He let her step away from him. He’d buttoned his jeans, but the zipper was still down, and she took a certain satisfaction in that, and the way his hair was still rumpled. His mouth still plump and wet from her kisses.
“You’re going to leave again, anyway,” she continued. “Right? In what, a month? You’re going back all the way to the other side of the world.”
Something shifted in Nikolai’s gaze. After a second, he nodded. She shrugged.
“You have a life there, isn’t that what you said? Anything that will take you away from this place.” She gestured at the office, but they both knew she meant more than just where they stood. “You’ll go. I’ll stay. That’s how it works. And nobody has to know this ever happened.”
“We’ll know it.” He put his hands on his hips, brow furrowed. Frowning. He looked pissed.
She smiled, then. “Yes. We will.”
He returned her smile, and she wanted to curse herself for letting it warm her. Nikolai sighed. He tossed the paper towels in the trash and smoothed his shirt.
“It’s just a thing,” Alicia said, as though saying it aloud would make it feel true.
He nodded. “Yeah. Just a thing.”
“Nobody ever has to know about it,” she whispered as he moved closer.
He kissed her. “Nope.”
“Just until you leave again.”
“Sure,” he said. Then, after a second or so, he crushed her against him to bury his face against the side of her neck. He squeezed her.
The embrace felt a little desperate, but she understood that. Wasn’t that always how she felt about him? He released her abruptly, and they both stepped away from each other.
“Your zipper’s down,” Alicia told him.
With a rueful chuckle, Nikolai zipped himself and watched her as she went to the desk to pull out a couple of doughnuts from the bag. She handed him a powdered sugar and took an apple fritter for herself. Alicia settled into her desk chair and waved at him to take a seat across from her.
“How are the home repairs going?”
“The list keeps getting longer. She started this nightly dinner thing, too, where she cooks for us and wants to sit around and talk about our days.” Nikolai paused. “Maybe losing her mother has her contemplating the meaning of life or something? Or maybe she’s just being manipulative. With her, you can’t tell.”
Nikolai bit into the doughnut and looked around the office until he spotted the single-serve coffeemaker. Without asking, he got up to help himself, using the pitcher of water she kept there for that reason. “Want one?”
“Yeah, thanks.” She watched him for a second before continuing. “I didn’t think she’d really stay.”
“She shows no signs of leaving. She plans to live there for the rest of her life, I think.”
“With Ilya.”
Nikolai chuckled. “Yes.
“No wonder he’s been such a pain in the ass lately.”
“Yep.” Nikolai glanced at her over his shoulder as the machine hissed and spit a dark brew. “I heard them arguing. She threw out the fact it’s still her house again, so she has the right to stay in it as long as she wants to. Unless he wants to buy it from her, which you and I both know he probably can’t do.”
Alicia frowned, thinking of the business debt still hanging over their heads. Her parents had paid off their mortgage before retiring early. After her divorce, they’d given her a good deal on buying the house from them, something she’d always appreciated, especially considering the money they’d already given her.
“He was paying the mortgage on it and has been since she left. I mean, that was the huge thing. You left,” she paused, remembering how sudden and horrible it had been to find out that Nikolai had gone away without saying good-bye. Alicia cleared her throat, continuing, “The next thing we know, Galina’s off to South Carolina, leaving everything behind. If he hadn’t started making the payments, the bank would’ve taken it.”
“Yeah. Well. Apparently Galina’s name is still on the house, not his.” Nikolai brought two mugs of coffee to the desk and handed her one. His mouth twisted for a second. “Even if he was the one handling the payments, his name isn’t on the paperwork.”
She’d been stupid. Married to Ilya for ten or so years, and this was a surprise. They’d divorced as swiftly and amicably as they could, splitting their ownership of the business to the original percentages of when they’d bought it, and taking only the assets they’d each brought to the marriage. They’d never fought about anything material. Still, it seemed like something she ought to have known.
“The mortgage on that house was the one thing Ilya always made sure to take care of. I figured he’d bought it from her the way my parents had sold theirs to me. He never mentioned anything about her name still being on it. And, honestly, he hasn’t mentioned anything about her asking him for money or anything else for a long time. I thought she’d stopped.”
Nikolai blew on the coffee. “Maybe she’s changed.”
Alicia laughed. Hard and loud. Nikolai joined her a second later, and the two of them filled her small office with the ringing sounds of their shared hilarity. It faded, leaving him smiling at her.
“I have something to tell you,” he began, but stopped himself at the warning look she shot him. “Hey . . . c’mon. I brought you doughnuts.”
Alicia very deliberately tucked the last piece of apple fritter into her mouth but spoke around it. “We’ve already talked about it. There’s nothing else to say.”
“I was going to say that I don’t want to keep sneaking around like this. Furtively doing things in your office, or whatever.” Nikolai met her gaze evenly. “It doesn’t feel right.”
Alicia sat back in her chair, uncertain about what kind of response he expected. “No. It doesn’t.”
“I think it’s clear this unfinished business is real. Something between us.”
“Yes,” she said quietly. Her heart beat hard enough for her to feel the throb of it at the base of her throat. She closed her fists in her lap, keeping her hands from shaking.
“For a long time. Years.”
“Yes,” she said again.
Nikolai crossed the room to her in three long strides that startled her enough to push back in her chair. It hit the wall. He leaned across her desk and took her hands in his.
“I’ve spent too many years of my life trying as hard as I could to get away from Quarrytown, but no matter where I went in the world, no matter what I was doing, I always thought about you,” he said.
Alicia gently withdrew her hands from his loose grasp. “Nikolai . . .”
“Just listen, okay? I thought about what happened after Jenni.”
“We were kids,” Alicia said. “Dumb kids.”
Nikolai shook his head. “Was that all it was?”
“I don’t know,” Alicia admitted in a low voice, looking away from the intensity of his gaze. “It was a long time ago.”