She was absolutely not going to fall for that bullshit. No way. Alicia lifted her chin, gaze steady on his, not giving away even the tiniest hint that she’d just imagined that tongue someplace else.
“Oh, I’m sure they’re delicious. I’m sure that even a day or so ago you might’ve convinced me to gobble up the entire bag.” She paused to narrow her eyes but couldn’t stop the corners of her mouth tilting into a small, tight, and humorless smile. “But like I said. I’m over it.”
Nikolai opened the bag and peeked inside, then at her. “Mmmm. Just one? Just a taste?”
“Nah,” Alicia said coolly and leaned back in her chair to prop her feet on the desk. “I’m not hungry.”
His face fell. He closed the bag and set it on the edge of the desk. The good bakery smell was enough to make her stomach rumble, but she pretended she hadn’t heard it. Nikolai obviously had, though, because his crestfallen expression turned sly.
“Sure I can’t convince you?” he asked. “Just one little bite?”
Alicia tilted her head to make sure he saw how she was looking him up and down. Then, she shrugged. Without taking her gaze from his, she said, “Too many sweets make my stomach hurt.”
“Allie.”
“You know, I prefer to be called Alicia,” she answered in a clipped tone. She set her feet on the floor with a thump and turned toward her computer, putting her hands on the keyboard not only to wake the monitor from sleeping but also to hide the fact that her hands were shaking.
“Alicia,” Nikolai said in a low tone full of apology and longing.
She didn’t turn. She let her fingers hover over the keyboard, though the truth was she couldn’t focus on the screen in front of her. She gave up after a second, folding her hands in her lap, twisting her fingers together. She didn’t answer him. He said her name again. Rougher. Raspier.
At last, Alicia twirled in her chair to face him, but that wasn’t enough, so she got to her feet to walk to the side of the desk. She took the bag of doughnuts and thrust it at him, forcing him to take it. Making him back up a step toward the door.
“Don’t bring me something you’re not ready for me to eat,” she told him. “Don’t do that to me again.”
“I’m sorry,” Nikolai said.
She shrugged. Chin up. Voice steady. Back straight. “That makes me feel so much better. Thanks. You can leave now.”
“Don’t do that. Please,” he added. “Don’t shut me out like that. Look, you know we . . . we can’t.”
“Right,” she said around the lump in her throat. “Of course we can’t. I guess it doesn’t matter that we already did.”
Nikolai cleared his throat. “He’s my brother.”
“He was my husband. You think I don’t know how messed up that makes this? Do you really think I don’t know?” When he didn’t answer her, she crossed her arms over her chest. With a sigh, she looked away. “Just go, Nikolai.”
This time when he said her name, she couldn’t hide the shiver that rippled through her. Grateful for the thick sweater and her crossed arms that hid her tightening nipples from his gaze, Alicia frowned and closed her eyes. If he touched her, she thought, she would knee him in the junk. She would punch him in the face. She would . . . she would . . .
She would let him kiss her mouth, softly, but with determination. She would let him put his arms around her and pull her close. She would let him tickle her lips with his tongue until she opened for him, and when he threaded his fingers through her hair, tipping her face to his, she would let him do that, too.
“I don’t want to want you,” he said, his mouth on hers.
She’d have pulled away but for the grip of his hand in her hair. “So stop, then.”
“I can’t.” He kissed her again, harder this time.
She pushed herself against him, her thigh going between his to nudge upward. Not to hurt him. She wanted to feel him getting hard for her. She wanted to touch him. When she tried, he captured her arm at the wrist and stopped her an inch from his body—for no longer than a heartbeat or three, however, before he was moving her hand to cup his thickening erection through his jeans.
“Touch me,” he muttered into her mouth, then against her cheek, her throat, as he slid his lips along her skin. He moved her hand slow, slow, curling her fingers over the bulge in the denim.
He groaned aloud when she yanked open the button and slid the zipper down, notch by notch. She freed him, pushing at the waistband of his jeans and briefs until she could hold his bare flesh in her palm. She stroked him as their mouths found each other’s again.
“I’ve been aching for you . . . couldn’t stop thinking about how you felt. How you sounded when you came . . .” Nikolai’s voice rasped, stuttering to silence when her grip circled the head of his cock.
He was so hard it was like gripping iron. The angle was wrong. The position, awkward. She wanted him in her mouth, but she couldn’t force herself to stop kissing him, not when the taste of Nikolai’s mouth was so tantalizing. Her tongue slid along his, mimicking the stroking rhythm of her hand. He pulsed in her grip.
It was her turn to slide her hand along the back of his neck. To grip him there, to hold him still while she nibbled at his lips and kept up the steady, demanding pace of her fingers gripping him. His fingers loosened on her wrist. His hips thrust forward, at least until she closed her fist tight around him, just below the head.
“No,” Alicia whispered into his ear, then took his lobe between her teeth. “Don’t move.”
She laughed breathlessly when he let out a muttered curse, but she didn’t relent. She pulled away enough to look at his face. He kept his eyes closed. His mouth, wet and open. His hands went flat against the filing cabinets, but he didn’t move. Not even when she slowed the stroking to what must have been an infuriatingly slow pace.
Nikolai’s brow furrowed. A soft noise slipped out of him. Then another when she gave in to the desire streaking through her and moved her hand faster. Faster. Until finally, he tensed. Warmth coated her hand, but she kept her gaze focused on his face. Waiting for his eyes to open, for him to look at her when his pleasure overtook him.
He did.
Alicia waited another half minute before she stepped away from him and grabbed a couple of paper towels from the shelf next to her desk. They busied themselves with cleaning up, neither of them speaking. She had her back to him, waiting for him to leave. Because of course he would, right? And he’d probably take the doughnuts with him, too.
Nikolai didn’t leave. He came up behind her and put his arms around her to draw her back against his chest. He nuzzled the back of her neck, and Alicia let herself melt into the embrace.
“Alicia . . .”
“I don’t want to talk about it, Nikolai.”
“We have to talk about it.”