He reaches up and hooks his finger on my sunglasses, gently pulling them off. My instinct is to retreat, pull them back, look away or crack a joke. I do nothing, and he looks into my eyes. I feel suddenly naked.
Only milliseconds pass, but I can feel myself tensing incrementally, drawing up my armor, locking and sliding each piece into place.
“Don’t,” he says.
“Don’t what?”
“Back away.”
I roll my eyes, breaking his gaze. “I’m not moving.” I push my sunglasses back to my eyes, and he lets me. It disappoints me on some level.
He’s looking at me like I’m lying to myself, and I try to mentally shrug it off and glance back out to the metallic colors of the water before us as the sun sinks lower.
He lets out a long breath next to me. A sigh maybe, but it’s caught in the wind.
“You seem to be liking Eversea more,” I say to make conversation. Albeit a prickly subject.
“I’m worried he’s going to crush her.”
“I know. Me too.”
“Really?” he asks sarcastically. “You seem to be cheering them on.”
“I want her happy, you idiot. Of course, I’m cheering them on. He makes her happy.”
“All I’ve seen is him making her miserable.”
“Then you’re not looking close enough.”
He shrugs. “Didn’t he come to Butler Cove in the first place because the tabloids were ripping him apart? Now he’s going to have my sister as collateral damage the next time they decide to go after him. And worse than that, they could go after her. The whole thing is just a fucking disaster waiting to happen.”
“What did he say to you on the beach after the race?”
Joey squints out into the sunlit horizon. “He said, he knew I didn’t like him, but that he was completely in love with her, and that he’d … he’d rather rip his own heart out of his chest than ever let anything hurt her. That he’d protect her from his life the best he could. And he promised me he wouldn’t interfere with her plans for college and what she wants to do with her life … whatever she decides that is.” Joey rakes a hand through his salt and windblown hair. “He said he’d give up his dreams before he let her give up on hers.”
I’m silent.
Absorbing.
Wow.
“So.” He clears his throat. “So, your mom must be proud of you. Congrats on finishing in three years.”
Subject change. I tell myself I’m grateful. “Thanks,” I say. “You know it’s not that hard. I’m not quite sure why they make college four years anyway. You know in Europe, actually pretty much everywhere, it’s only three years.”
“Well, obviously they have to have built in goof off time for us Americans.” He chuckles.
“True. Send people off to college to live without rules before they are even allowed an alcoholic drink, and watch them implode from the freedom. It’s like the country’s largest social experiment.”
He nods. “Highest rate of alcoholism is in college age kids.”
“Is that so, Doctor Butler?” My tone is flirtatious before I even realize what I’ve done. Oh shit, and I’m mentally back in the kitchen.
He looks at me sharply. I guess his mind went there too.
I grunt. “Get your mind out of the gutter.”
“Between your legs is hardly the gutter.”
Oh fuck. Oh fuckity fuck. My stomach freefalls off the side of the boat.
I have nothing to say. Like, nothing.
“Do you know something?” Joseph asks.
No. I know nothing. “What?” My tone wavers.
When he doesn’t answer, I look up to meet his eyes. We’re disconnected because of my sunglasses. For some reason, I pull them off and watch as surprise registers, and his eyes flicker. Jesus, the color of them is something else. Bluer than the ocean around us. A tiny speck of brown like a beauty spot below the pupil in his left eye. It fascinates me. That tiny mark of imperfection.
“What?” I ask again.
“You haven’t looked me in the eye for three years.” His voice is full of grit.
He’s right. I haven’t. Apart from in the kitchen the other night. It’s been a childish attempt to avoid the pain of it. Looking into his eyes hurts.
It’s hurting me right this minute. But I keep doing it, like holding my hand to a hot stove.
His gaze pulls from mine and wanders over my face as if he hasn’t seen me for a while. He takes a piece of my hair and wraps it around his finger.
My heart has clawed its way up my chest into my throat. Obviously I lost my stomach several nautical miles ago. Gone are all my witty jabs I can usually pull out at his expense. I hardly register we’ve entered the mouth of the estuary that is Broad Creek.
It’s only when we pass the spot where my father’s boat used to be that I become aware of my surroundings. Joseph is aware too I think because he looks around at some of the other boats anchored here and there.
And as if we’ve fallen into some vortex or portal that occurs only on this piece of water, he drops his hand to mine on the white vinyl cushion and slides his fingers between my fingers. It’s both erotic and shocking.
He looks up at me. “Spend the night with me tonight.”