The rabbits, not the bulls, surrounded us. The bulls were just blocking the exits, but the rabbits looked ready to leap. And ready to rend and tear. The rabbits looked quite eager to fight. Realized they were the shock troops of this world. Not great for us.
My music changed to “Red Carpet Grave” by Marilyn Manson and Tim Skold. Took the hint that if I didn’t start doing what I did best—keep the bad guy monologuing until I could formulate the way to win—we were all dead. “Um, you know, as to that, are you aware that your solar system has left its galaxy of origin?” I mean, the tapestries seemed clear, but maybe he never looked at them.
“Of course I am.” Johpunnt shrugged. “We are going to rule the universe.”
“No. Your sun is going to die and you’re going to die with it.”
He chuckled. “So na?ve. No, we will live forever.”
“Sure you will. Also, seriously, how can the prophecy work if it’s your rabbits killing me, instead of you doing it yourself?”
“What?” Johpunnt seemed a little thrown by this question. Good.
“I mean, I get it, I’m supposed to be here and get defeated. But if your rabbits are the ones who defeat me, doesn’t that mean they’re the ones who should lead or ascend or whatever, not you? I mean, you’re just standing there imperiously, not doing anything. They’ll be doing the real work and the real defeating. Why should you get to rule when they’re doing all the heavy lifting?”
“Because I am Mad Lord Johpunnt! And their honor is to serve me!”
“Just like Darkseid,” I said as an aside to White. “Couldn’t care less about his people.”
“Most despots are like that,” White replied. “The problem is that they tend to have so many minions willing to die for a cause that doesn’t serve their interests in any way and for a leader who doesn’t care about them.”
“Well, until the despot is killed.” Did the entwined-fingers arms-over-the-head stretch. “And that’s what I’m here to do, I guess, since reason doesn’t seem to be on the table.”
“Some people only respect strength,” Buchanan said.
“True dat. You guys ready?” Noted more rabbits coming in. They were massing in groups, but didn’t expect that to last long. “I think the Mad Lord has called in more troops, just in case. Because he’s a coward.” Ensured my voice carried.
“You accuse me of cowardice?” Johpunnt seemed offended. Good again.
“Yeah, I do. You don’t have the balls to fight. At least Telzor tried. Sure, he failed, but he gave it a shot. You’re too afraid of me to come down off that dais and fight me like a sheep. Or do you go by sheeple?” Wasn’t sure how sheep fought, actually, but that didn’t matter at this precise time.
“Sheeple has a ring to it,” Roanach whispered to Clorence. Chose not to share that it was a derogatory term on Earth. Why spoil the moment?
“I am the leader,” Johpunnt snarled. “And I go by the title of Mad Lord!”
“Blah, blah, leader, blah, blah, mad lord. Well, that’s right, at least. You’re totally bonkers.”
“I am the one who rules all and leads all of Helix Rime!”
“That means you should lead, you insignificant pompous ass. It doesn’t mean you hide behind everyone else shouting orders and screaming for your entitlements. You lead by example, by doing the best for your people. You’re doing the worst for them now. Your system isn’t going to survive too much longer, and instead of figuring out how to find a new star, you’re just happy floating in the black between galaxies, pretending everything’s fine when it’s all going to hell in a really big handbasket.”
“That was tried!” Johpunnt said. “And they doomed us!”
“Excuse me?”
“In the old, old days, the star of our ancestors was dying. They said they would save everyone, send us to a paradise. But we were sent here! To hell!” He shook his head and started pacing. “For so long, our ancestors waited. Waited for the others to find us, to bring us to the promised land. And then, then somewhere along the way, we realized that no one was coming!”
Had to offer the sane option, just because it was required, not that I thought he’d respond to it. “Perhaps they just didn’t know where you were.”
“They knew! They sent us here on purpose! Once we realized that, then we spent so long, too long, thinking we were to blame, that we had done something wrong, something to deserve the punishment of this place. Then we realized.” He stopped pacing, spun, and looked at me and I realized who he reminded me of—Farley Pecker, the head of the Church of Hate and Intolerance. This was a sermon, of sorts, and he was the preacher. And he definitely believed.
“That you just needed to figure out how to get into space to find the rest of your people?”
“No! We realized that we were the chosen ones! Chosen to become stronger, better. Chosen to rule. Chosen to destroy those who had the easy lives. And from that moment, we knew only one thing—the joy of revenge. We will have our revenge! We will destroy everyone and then rule the universe as is our birthright!”
“You know, I’m losing you. If you destroy everyone, what is there to rule?”
Johpunnt blinked. “What?”
“It’s not an exact science, desperately sending out meteor spaceships. Planets move. Asteroids and other space crap knock your ships off orbit. Maybe you don’t land where you were supposed to. Maybe you land far from where you were supposed to go, maybe you land close. Maybe some of your spaceships get destroyed. And that doesn’t indicate evil intent.”
“No, what do you mean about ruling?”
“I mean that all that doesn’t mean that you get to go on some insane rampage just because your spaceship didn’t hit a nicer location. And I still fail to see how destroying all the other locations works in your favor. If there’s nowhere else to go, why bother?”
Johpunnt gaped at me. “To . . . to rule the universe.”
“But you said you want to destroy all of it. So, how does that work? You’re the king of nothing?” On cue, Algar shared “The King of Nothing” by Seals and Crofts. “Look at this planet! It looks unlivable, but your people are surviving and thriving here. And instead of doing what you can to make that better, you’re only focused on some ancient vendetta and bizarre form of rulership that leaves everything devastated.”
“Our rage is everything,” Johpunnt said. “Our rage is all that matters.”
“Sheep crap it is. Caring for your people is what matters. Not destroying everything. Making things better is what the leader is supposed to do, not make them worse.”
“I am the chosen leader of my people,” Johpunnt said. “When the Lord finally loses his fight with life, a new one is chosen. I was marked as a child as the future leader.” He indicated the wool on his head. “And I have ruled Helix Rime well for all the years that I have been the Lord!”
“Um, how long is that, exactly?”
“I have—what?” He seemed confused.
“I’ll speak more slowly. How long have you been the sheeple in charge? I’m sure your time doesn’t correspond with mine, but since we’re speaking the same language, I assume I’ll manage to do the math. So, how long?”
“Five hundred years.”