“I have no idea.” It turned back to me. “I remember . . . a terrible dream. A nightmare.”
“It was all real. Someone needs to take me through your ship, fast. We have the rest of your fleet to try to save, and if I don’t get back to my ship, my people are going to do their best to kill all of yours.”
Wouldn’t have thought a sort of humanoid beetle could go pale, but this one managed it. “No,” it whispered. “Earth is bloodthirsty. The humans murder our kind every day.”
“Um, on my planet your kind tend to be the size of my thumb or smaller, and they aren’t sentient as you’d know it. However, the bloodthirsty part is right on. Take me through this ship, right now.”
It obliged and we scuttled off. Well, it scuttled—the Aicirtap could and did walk on their hind legs but apparently if speed was required they went on all sixes, or whatever they called it. Every Zapped Aicirtap we passed was coming out of their terrible nightmare. All seemed distressed, many were sobbing, and some were wailing.
Turned out to be a good thing I’d seen Alien and Aliens and any horror movie you wanted to name, because there were plenty of Unzapped Aicirtap. Zapped them all, even the couple that were hiding in the cargo bay. Algar did me a solid and put one of my favorite songs to fight to, “Electric Worry” by Clutch, on repeat. This time I was fairly sure it was only for my enjoyment, as opposed to warning me about dangerous electrical currents.
Once the ship was cleaned—and we’d waded back through Aicirtap who were falling on me, begging me to either tell them their collective nightmare wasn’t true or begging me to save the rest of their people—told the Zapped Spokes-Aicirtap to sit tight. “If weapons start firing, land on that planet.” Pointed to Mars. “I don’t think you can breathe there, but it’ll get you out of the fight and identify you as the ship where all the Aicirtap are back to normal.” I hoped.
“Wait,” it said. “What do I call you?”
“Kitty. What’s your name?”
“Ulzax. Are you a female or a male?”
“Female. You?”
“Female as well.”
“Great, then, girl to girl, this situation really isn’t your race’s fault, in that sense, but that’s not going to fly in a war crimes court. So, don’t fire on my ship but get ready to have to fire on your own, because if the rest of your fleet reaches Earth, everyone dies. And that includes all of you.”
She nodded. “We will do as you’ve said.”
“Great.” Considered what else to say. “I’ll be back.” Then I thought of Chuckie, because he was guaranteed to still be on the helicarrier, and hit my Beaming Bling.
Landed next to Chuckie right back in the helicarrier’s command center, just in time to hear Jeff bellowing about demanding to be allowed off the ship. My music turned off.
“Chillax your face. I’ve got it under control.”
Everyone stared at me. “Where the hell have you been?” Jeff asked, sounding freaked out and huffy. “None of us could leave. This equipment doesn’t work.”
“Oh, it works.” ACE, Jamie, Algar, and/or Naomi were just ensuring that it couldn’t work until I was back.
Everyone started talking. Put up the paw. Everyone, including Jeff, shut up. I had embraced the FLOTUS Power and now it was mine to use at will. Excellent.
“No arguing, no speaking, no complaining. Just listening and doing exactly what I say. The Aicirtap are salvageable. Change the setting on your guns to Devolve. We’re all going to pick specific ships, one of us to a ship. Then, once you’re there, zap any and all Aicirtap you see with the Devolution ray. I don’t want dead Aicirtap, I want living ones. Search every inch of the ship—I found plenty in the obvious places but more than enough in the not so obvious ones, too.”
“What the hell are you talking about?” Jeff asked.
“I get it,” Chuckie said excitedly. “Cliff’s ray works on the mind, and that’s what the Z’porrah’s uplift must have affected in the Aicirtap. The pituitary gland would affect size and strength, and messing with the mind can always affect the emotional centers. Did you actually devolve one?”
“No.” He looked disappointed. “I devolved the entire ship full of them.” Chuckie brightened back up. Turned back to the others. “And every one of them is distraught to hysterical over what’s happened and is happening. They are to be rescued, just like the rest of the aliens who came to Earth for help. They came to us for help, too. They just didn’t know it.”
“Where do we aim?” Jeff asked, Commander in Chief Voice on Full, all freaked-out husband gone and replaced by the guy who’d led his people against much worse monsters wearing only an Armani suit and a hell of a lot of leadership and authority.
“It takes a direct hit anywhere on the Aicirtap, but if you can hit the head it’s a faster return to normal for them. They have no memory of what they’ve done, by the way. Remembered as a nightmare. But since I told them the nightmares are real, they are, as I said earlier, pretty damn freaked out.”
“They’ve murdered millions of people,” Siler said. “You sure we should show them mercy?” Had a feeling I knew why he was asking.
I nodded. “Not all killers are evil. What they did was evil, but they aren’t. If we’re going to save the world, or the galaxy, or whatever, that means we have to try to save all of it. Even the parts we don’t like, are afraid of, or have hurt us. We have to save it all. Or we’re no better than the Z’porrah. Or what the majority of the Aicirtap are right now.”
“And no better than Cliff or LaRue or Reid,” Chuckie said quietly.
“Exactly. Secret Agent Man, you have to stay here in case one of us gets into trouble. My first ship was easy, relatively speaking, but there’s no guarantee the others will be. And there are a lot of others. I took the lead ship, but we’re spoilt for choice for where we go next.”
“Count off,” Jeff said, as he changed his gun’s setting. Everyone else followed suit. “We’ll be going from left to right, avoiding the lead ship. You count one, you choose the leftmost ship. Two, the one directly to the first one’s right. And so on. Shoot to kill if that’s your only option to survive. Otherwise, as Kitty said, shoot to save.”
“Once you’ve cleaned your ship, return to Chuckie, and seriously, think of him because it’ll land you right back here, versus on the controls the flyboys are using to keep us all safe. The flyboys will be able to tell you what ships are cleared. Pick the next one, moving right from the last where one of us went, lather, rinse, and repeat. If you’re at the end, start from the leftmost side of the next line.”
“Can we get the cleaned ships to move?” Gower asked. “If only to make it easier.”
“Possibly. I suggested that the lead ship head for Mars, but only if things went bad, mostly because I didn’t want their breaking ranks to cause the rest of the fleet to attack. So, um, as with most things, play that one by ear.”
Gower grinned at me. “Or, as we call it, routine.”
CHAPTER 97