“If that Pantano guy had just done his job, none of this would have happened,” I said. “You can be mad at me. But aren’t you mad at the cops, too? Even a little?”
She stared at the point where the ceiling met the wall. “I spend my time focusing on things we can control. Like press access to you.” She rolled over and propped up on her elbow. “Tomorrow, Dr. Ricker will come over, and we will sit around the kitchen table and you will explain to us, in detail, what you said to Paula Papademetriou, and more importantly, why.” Her eyes went clinical then, all reserve and scary control. No “Oh yeah!” Kool-Aid Guy; this was Mom as badass, a combination of Morgan le Fay and Gwen Stacy, her special brand of cool cerebral coping. “Then Dr. Ricker will suggest next actions. Those may include complaints against the reporter and the TV station; they will most certainly include some kind of consequences for you.”
“You’re saying I’m grounded,” I said, pulling the comforter over my head.
It would be good, I thought, to stay in bed like that. Just a day or two to let the smoke clear, let Liv be confused, Kellan be incensed, Ricker be elegantly outraged at my disobedience. The only necessary ally is the person who gives me information, and that is Paula.
Still, the interview hadn’t yet aired. In other words, the shit hadn’t hit the fan.
But Mom wasn’t through. “You still have not given me one logical reason for why you went to see Yvonne Jessup, and why you agreed to be interviewed by Paula Papademetriou,” she said.
I pulled the comforter down and folded my hands elaborately, buying time to think. I made steeples with my fingers and focused on the pink shadows inside. “I went to see Yvonne Jessup out of curiosity. For closure. Paula Papademetriou must have been driving by, or got some tip. She ambushed me. I gave her short answers; nothing I haven’t said before. You would have been proud, actually.”
“You will lie low this weekend. I’ve invited Erik to come tomorrow and stay for a while.” Then she snuggled up against me, which was nice. “We could use the time together.”
I focused on my fingers. Normally I’d be wondering if “we” meant “three,” as in Mom, Erik, and me. But I wasn’t. I was thinking about forgivenesses to be begged. Explanations to be made.
Revenge to be sought.
TWELVE
365 Days After the Woods
I haven’t left my bed since.
It’s been less than twenty-four hours since the Shiverton Abduction episode aired, and already Ricker has made complaints to the Federal Communications Commission and the Society of Professional Journalists and the White House (though it’s fully believable, I made the last one up). Erik’s friend’s legal opinion is that we can’t sue, because Paula was under the reasonable impression that my mother had consented, and besides, the interview would likely be considered in the public interest, since it was about police misconduct. Liv was easily airbrushed out of the story, which is the advantage of running away from the scene of a crime. Paula kept her promise not to reveal the facts she’s turned up about Liv.
That was the only promise she kept.
The interview was a human interest story to the extent that Paula is a human and she was interested in creatively editing and contextualizing everything I said. Every worthwhile story contains tension between victims and perpetrators: I was the victim, and the parole board and the Shiverton Police Department were the perpetrators. Donald was mainly an off-the-hook closet deviant running around foaming at the mouth. Paula’s job was to frame the conflict properly, and she selected the frame.
The finished piece included these highlights. I break them down into three categories: What I Actually Said, What You Heard Me Say on TV, and What Paula Said on TV.
What I Actually Said: Mrs. Jessup said Donny had his demons, but he wasn’t capable of killing someone. She said she would go to her grave saying that.
What You Heard Me Say on TV: Mrs. Jessup said Donny had his demons. She said she would go to her grave saying that.
What Paula Said on TV: So Yvonne Jessup knew that her son was a clear danger to society.
What I Actually Said: His mother said he didn’t waste money on things like a gym membership. His main hobby was hunting birds and squirrels, and other animals with his BB gun.
What You Heard Me Say on TV: His mother said his main hobby was hunting animals with his BB gun.
What Paula Said on TV: In other words, he took pleasure in maiming and killing small, defenseless prey animals.
What I Actually Said: There were lots of framed photos on the mantel of him, only up through about age eleven. He looked like a happy little kid.
What You Heard Me Say on TV: There were framed photos on the mantel of him only up through age eleven.
What Paula Said on TV: So the photos vanished after age eleven, the last age at which Yvonne wished to remember him, before he receded into the dark recesses of his mind.