After All

Will and Ted are naturally more reserved.

“Have a good one,” Ted says, shaking my hand and giving me a slap on the shoulder. “Give those Brits hell.”

“Goodbye Alyssa,” Will says, giving me a quick hug. “Break a leg, will you?”

Ugh. Jackie’s got a good hugger in this one.

I squeeze him back. “Thanks Will. I’ll do my best.”

I break apart and look at the faces of all my friends, wondering how the hell I’m leaving them behind.

But it’s happening. And no amount of doubt or sadness will change that.

“Bye,” I say, wiggling my fingers as I walk into the line. “Cheerio.”

“Top of the morning to you,” Tiffany responds.

I just shake my head, roll my eyes, and go through security.

There’s nothing like the airport to distract you from all your woes. While my heart is continually sinking, something else inside me is rising. Hope. Excitement. And yet having to battle security lines and getting to your gate and not losing your passport, really pushes all of that to the side.

It isn’t until I get on the plane that reality hits me.

And by the way, reality sucks.

Because I booked last minute through a super budget website, I didn’t have a choice of seat.

So, of course, my seat on this British Airways jumbo jet is in the very back of coach, in the middle of the middle.

I’m going to be sandwiched in a row of stinky strangers for ten hours. How will I even sleep? I can’t seem to stop battling either person on both sides of me for control of the armrest, leaving me completely squished in the middle. This is hell and we haven’t even taken off yet.

This is when I have time to think, of course.

And while I’m sad thinking about Jackie and Tiffany and the gang and I’m excited about what adventures London might bring, my heart is absolutely bereft about Emmett.

The truth is…I miss him deeply. And the fact that I’m flying far away without even saying goodbye, well, it hurts. It hurts like hell. I should have at least picked up the phone, read the emails. I should have at least listened to what he had to say.

I know that what he did was wrong and he knows it too. But Carla was right–it all comes down to trust. And while the images of him and Autumn are still seared in my mind, I’m starting to realize that it’s something I can overcome and move past. It’s something worth getting over if it means having Emmett back in my life.

But now that won’t happen. I was too stubborn and too impulsive to even give us a chance. The only thing that was ever really real.

Oh, please don’t start crying here. Not with these people. They don’t deserve your tears.

“Miss Martin?” the flight attendant says to me in her prim British accent, bringing my attention over to the aisle. She gives me a bright smile.

“Yes?” I ask. Oh shit. Am I in someone else’s seat? How embarrassing.

“You’ve been upgraded to first class,” she says.

Ding, ding, ding, ding! It’s like winning the fucking lottery. Every person around us is looking at me like you lucky bitch and, hell, I can’t blame them.

Still… “There must be some mistake,” I tell her. “I booked my ticket on FlyLow.” Which is a lousy name when you think about it.

“No mistake,” she says. “Please come with me.”

Now, wait a minute. Is “upgraded to first class” really just code for “you’re being kicked off the flight”? Is it because I’m wearing yoga pants? If this was United they would just drag me out by the hair but since this is British Airways, maybe they do things a little more discretely. Trickery and all that.

I’m nervous now. Hesitant. Until the guy next to me breathes a bunch of heinous salami breath in my face and says, “If you don’t take the first-class seat, love, I will.”

Oh, hell no you won’t. As quickly as I can, I grab my purse and get to my feet and then I wait while everyone else has to get to their feet and exit the row. Then I grab my carry-on from the overhead bin–which nearly slams into my head and takes me out–and awkwardly follow the flight attendant up the aisle.

Everyone is looking at me like I really am getting kicked off.

Oh shit. What did I do? Is it the pants? Yoga pants aren’t leggings.

But when we get to the door I came in through, she keeps walking.

Through premium economy and past the stairs that lead up to the upper deck.

All the way to first class, at the nose of the plane.

Nearly every seat is taken but thankfully no one is paying any attention to me.

The girl in size-too-small Lululemon pants who obviously doesn’t belong up here.

The attendant points to an empty pod in the middle and takes my bag from me. “Here you go.”

“Are you serious?” I whisper to her.

She just gives me a quick smile and walks off.

I slowly ease myself down in the seat. There’s a pod right on the other side of me but with the partition up it feels like I have my own damn bedroom.

I put my purse beneath the table, flip over the menu, press some buttons, adjust my seat.

Oh my god. This is fucking heaven.

I start fiddling with my seat, making it go into a bed and then back up again.

This is the best.

“Having fun over there, sunshine?”

I freeze. Blink.

I didn’t just hear that…did I?

I look around. We’ve just pushed back from the gate and the attendants are about to go into their safety demonstration. No one is looking at me.

But that voice, his voice…it didn’t just come from nowhere, did it?

With my heart galloping in my throat, I unbuckle my belt and very slowly stand up until I’m peering over the partition at the seat on the other side.

Emmett is staring up at me.

“Ahhh!” I cry out and immediately flop down into my seat.

Now everyone is looking at me.

Slowly the partition comes down.

I think I might just die.

Emmett is sitting right beside me, a wry grin on his face.

Oh god, his beautiful face.

His face that feels like home.

“Hey,” he says softly, then peers over at my lap. “You better buckle up.”

I can’t take my eyes off of him. I don’t want to. I’m afraid if I do, he’ll disappear. I don’t want to let him go. Not now, not ever.

How is this real?

Somehow, I manage to buckle myself back up without looking but the words just don’t form.

“I hope you like the upgrade,” he says to me, watching me warily. “I had to pull a few strings to make it happen but luckily the flight attendant was game.”

My mouth flaps open. Closed.

“How are you…how are you here?”

His mouth quirks up. “I heard you were leaving. I thought I would leave with you.”

“But…but…”

Oh my god. I can’t believe this for even a second.

And the crazy thing is, I imagined if I saw Emmett again that I would just see him and Autumn kissing in my mind. That I would feel pain and anger and shame.

But I don’t feel any of that anymore.

None of that matters anymore.

Because it was never ever true.

The only true thing is him, right here, with me.

Holy crow.