After All

“I just don’t know how to get her to talk to me.”

“Well if you can talk to her between now and then, then you have to convince her not to go.”

“That won’t be easy.”

“It won’t. And that’s even if she talks to you. She’s really hurt, Emmett. You got to see it from her side.”

“I do see it from her side. That’s why…that’s why I don’t want to push her too much either. I want to explain what happened, I mean I have before, but I really need her to see it. See that I love her, that I would never do anything to hurt her. That everything has been nothing but real. But I don’t want to push her. If she honestly doesn’t want me, if she can’t trust me…I’ll back off.”

“I don’t think that’s wise,” Will says after a few beats.

“Why?”

“I don’t normally give advice because, well, what do I know? But I have learned a few things over the years. And that’s that women like the grand gesture.”

I raise my brow. “What?”

“The grand gesture. You can’t just show up at their door and tell them how you feel. You have to do it with a boombox over your head, blasting Peter Gabriel.”

I make a fist. “Fucking Lloyd Dobler, that movie ruined it for the rest of us.”

And then Will launches into a long story about a girl he took to see Say Anything when he was in high school and how in love she was with John Cusack but I’m not really listening.

I’ve never done a grand gesture for anyone. Never really had to, to be honest. Never even been in the situation where I wanted a girl back.

But for Alyssa, I’ll do anything.

I’ve never felt as whole-hearted as I do when I’m with her, never felt so…full. Of life, of love, of passion. It’s not a matter of being complete and incomplete. It’s about being the better version of yourself.

She made me better.

And now I’ll have to prove it.





Chapter 21





Alyssa





It’s been seven days since Emmett and I broke up.

He’s come to my apartment four times.

He’s texted me 38 times.

Called me seven times.

Written me five emails.

And in the last three days, I’ve heard absolutely nothing.

Which is something I should be happy about. The fact that he’s stopped bugging me. That he’s letting me be, giving me space.

The problem is, the space between us is about to get larger.

As large as Canada and the Atlantic Ocean.

I’m standing at the Vancouver airport just outside security. Jackie, Will, Ted, Tiffany and Carla have gathered around to say goodbye and I am trying my hardest not to start crying. I don’t know why, I’ve been crying all week long, why not start now?

But I want to show them that I’m brave and that I’m doing the right thing.

Lordy, though. I have no idea if I’m doing the smart thing.

The whole London move was completely impulsive, as was quitting Mad Men. I know I had been talking about leaving for a while now, even telling Jackie about it, but I thought it would happen after the contract was over with Emmett and I had gotten my money. That was the original plan from the start.

But now the contract is void. Or at least I’m assuming it is. I know via Will that Emmett and Autumn are no longer working together and I also know I’m not being held to the agreement anymore. I know I could get the money if I wanted, that Emmett would gladly hand it over, but I don’t want that. Not even a bit.

It was never about the money. Of course, I’m now heading to one of the most expensive places in the world with just my meager vacation pay and a bonus cheque that Will and Ted gave me for my years of service because they obviously felt sorry for me. Not that I’m complaining, though. It will be just enough for me to get by for a month, no more, but it’s something.

I’ll struggle. That’s a given. But that’s also part of the experience. I’m not going to London so that I can carve out the same safe and boring life I had in Vancouver. I’m doing it so I can truly live for once.

If anything, Emmett has been a big inspiration. The life he had over there, that’s what I want. I want to be busting my chops while trying to make it. I want to get a waitressing gig and run around to auditions and go to plays and drink beer and just be in a place where no one knows me, where I can be anonymous and be myself. Start over. No expectations. Just everything that’s real.

That’s why I’m doing this. And as last minute as it was, as crazy as it seems, it’s what’s right. I do feel bad about leaving Will and Ted so abruptly but Tiffany has been a great help in more ways than one. She’s not only moving into my role as office manager, something I know she’s had her eye on for a while, but she’s also moving into my role as roommate.

Yup. I felt like shit leaving Carla high and dry, even though she insisted she’d find a roommate pretty fast, though not one as awesome as me, of course. And then Tiffany said she’d be interested. She’s been dying to move out of her parent’s house for a while now and with the office manager job, she can finally afford it. I think what she really wants is to be able to bring Ken over without her parents breathing down her neck, but hey, whatever works for her.

So, while it sucks to be leaving Vancouver and my friends behind, I also know that I’m leaving them all in a good place. Tiffany will help Will, Ted and Carla. Jackie is definitely going to miss me but with the baby coming up, she’s got a lot to focus on.

That of course leaves Emmett.

He’s the one person not here.

He’s the one person I thought might show up at the last minute.

You know, a grand gesture?

That’s why I’m trying to stall things at security.

Even Will keeps looking over his shoulder like he expects him to come.

“Looking for someone?” I ask him hopefully.

But he just gives me a wane smile and doesn’t say a word.

“You better catch your flight, sweetheart,” Ted says, nodding at security. “I hope you packed all your knives in your checked luggage.”

Fuck. I’m going to miss these people.

“Are you going to cry?” Tiffany asks, inspecting me closely.

I dare to meet her eyes. Thank god she seems amused by all of this. I can’t even look at Jackie because she’s been sniffling and sobbing for the entire ride to the airport.

“Okay,” I say, taking in a shaky breath. “This is it.”

Jackie starts bawling. “This is all happening so fast,” she sobs.

“Oh, you overly emotional hormonal mess.” I pull her into a quick hug. “Hey, I’ll be back to visit. Hell, I might be back in a month.”

“If you come back early, you can always sleep on the couch,” Carla says, wrapping her arms around the both of us.

“But don’t think you can get your room back,” Tiffany says, throwing herself at us until we’re just a ball of hugs. “Or your job back.”

When I think I’ve had my share of the touchy-feely stuff, I break apart from them while they still hold onto each other. Sheesh. You’d think I was boarding a spaceship to a galaxy far away.