He chuckles and nods. “I think so,” he says. “Don't you?”
A soft, nervous laugh passes my lips. “I – I don't know what there is to talk about,” I say. “I mean, we had sex. We're adults and can do that, right??”
I'm trying to be casual and play it off as no big deal, but in reality, my stomach is churning. With me, there is no such thing as “just sex.” I've never had sex outside of a committed relationship before and honestly, the fact that I did just that with a man I barely know, is freaking me the hell out.
But – as the other, naughtier part of my mind whispers to me – it was pretty amazing. And I can't honestly say I didn't enjoy every second of it. He was so forceful and commanding. He did everything I wanted. Everything I'd imagined and fantasized about.
Liam is a gifted lover, there's no question about that. He seems to perfectly anticipate my wants and needs without me having to say a word. As Skyler so flippantly put it recently, Liam certainly knows how to make my toes curl.
Needless to say, I'm conflicted about the subject. Like really conflicted.
“Are you okay?” he asks.
“Yeah, of course,” I say. “Why wouldn't I be?”
He shrugs. “I just wanted to make sure.”
“Yeah, I'm fine.”
If a nervous, jittery wreck caught somewhere between self-loathing, self-recrimination and a hot-blooded harlot who wants a hell of a lot more of what I just had, can be considered fine. I'm proud of myself though. I'm managing to keep all my inner-turmoil under wraps.
Liam looks at me, an inscrutable expression on his face. “Listen, I –”
I shake my head. “You don't need to say anything,” I say. “I know you're in the middle of a divorce, you're not looking for anything serious, and that this is nothing more than a fling for you. Don't worry, I get it. I won't hold it against you.”
“Actually,” he says. “That's not right. That wasn't exactly what I was going to say.”
Something flares within my breast as he speaks. Something I don't recognize. Is it hope? Terror? What is it? Could he be interested in something a little more serious?
But then, is that what I really want? Christ, sex really muddies the waters and screws everything up.
“What were you going to say then?” I ask.
“Well, you are right,” he replies. “With the divorce and everything, I'm not looking for something totally serious right now.”
“And like I said, that's fine,” I reply. “I'm not expecting anything.”
It's really, totally not fine. But, it's not totally un-fine either. Like I said, I'm conflicted as hell about all of this.
“You intrigue me, Paige,” Liam says. “There's something about you that's different. Something that draws me to you. Something that – honestly, it's like catnip to me.”
“Catnip?” I ask and laugh. “Great. Thanks.”
He grins. “Only in that, I find you entirely compelling,” he says. “Do you know what I mean?”
I shake my head. I really don't. I mean, I am getting the impression this isn't just him giving me a nice brush off. This isn't a, “hey, I'll call you sometime” sort of speech. But, I really don't understand what he's trying to say.
He leans back in his seat and sighs again. “I guess I'm not explaining this very well.”
“Yeah, for a big corporate CEO,” I say, giving him a playful smirk, “your communication skills kind of suck.”
Liam laughs and gives me the finger, which given how unexpected it is, draws another burst of laughter from me. I have to say, not only are the conversations with Liam easy and free, I've also noticed that I laugh more when he’s around. I don't know what it means – or if it means anything at all – but it's something that's interesting to me.
“I suppose what I'm trying to say is that I'm not in the right place for a relationship right now, Paige,” he says. “Right now, I'd be miserable, and in turn, that would make you miserable, and you deserve better than that. I don't want to do that to you. Not until I have my head on straight.”
I nod and can't deny that I feel a pang of disappointment echo through my heart. Which, of course, is silly, simply because I could probably give him the same speech and mean every word of it. Which means, I can't really fault him for being where he's at since, at the moment, I'm in at least the same zip code.
“But,” he continues, “I don't want to close the door on anything with you either, Paige. I don't want to lead you on, but, like I said, I find you entirely compelling. Intoxicating. There's something – special – about you. Something that I can't deny. And honestly, it’s something I don't want to deny. I just don't want to make promises to you that I can't keep.”
That little spark of emotion smoldering in my breast suddenly ignites into something more. Hope, perhaps? Hope that maybe, there actually can be something more between Liam and me. No man has ever called me special before and just hearing those words come out of his mouth, when talking about me, makes my heart swell.
I'd be lying to myself – and maybe I have been this whole time – if I said I didn't feel some connection with him. If I didn't feel a compelling, almost overwhelming at times, attraction to Liam. He is somehow able to get me to step outside of my comfort zone in ways nobody has before. And although it's scary as hell, I'm finding that I like it. That something inside of me even craves it.
“I'd like that, Liam,” I say. “I'd like it if we left the door open.”
His smile is soft and warm. “Good,” he says gently. “I'm glad we're both on the same page about that.”
“Yeah,” I reply. “Me too.”
“So,” he says, leaning back in his seat again. “What did you want to talk to me about earlier?”
I look at him blankly for a moment, not entirely sure what he's talking about. With everything that just happened between us, I'm still feeling a little scatterbrained. But then, it starts coming back to me.
“Right,” I say. “Yeah. That.”
“That?”
I nod. “So, I was grabbing a bite at the Cuppa yesterday and happened to overhear Mayor Goodrich and one of the developers talking.”
“Happened to overhear?” he asks, arching an eyebrow at me.
“Yeah, fine,” I say. “I was eavesdropping.”
Liam laughs and shakes his head at me. “Go on.”
“Anyways,” I say. “Honestly, I don't know if it means anything or not.”
“Know if what means anything or not?”
I suddenly find myself flustered and tongue-tied. I could be blowing things all out of proportion and what I heard may not be what I think. I mean, it sounds ominous and all, but maybe I misunderstood something. Just because something sounds dark and foreboding doesn't mean it actually is. Maybe what they talked about was completely benign and I'm just overreacting.
It wouldn't be the first time that happened.
“Okay, so, I could be jumping to conclusions here,” I say. “I mean, I didn't actually hear anything specific, but –”
He chuckles and holds up his hands. “Okay, from here on out, I’ll assume that you've issued all of your disclaimers and I've signed off on them all,” he says. “Just spit it out.”
The knot in my stomach constricts almost painfully and I feel my pulse speeding up. So many questions and so few answers. What had I heard at the coffee shop? I mean, really? What did I hear? Nothing substantive, but at the same time, something that sounded menacing.
I hesitate to say anything only because I don't want to come off sounding like a fool. Like some paranoid, tin-foil hat wearing, conspiracy freak. As much as I hate to admit it, what Liam thinks of me matters. And as I sit there looking at him, with the knowledge of this realization in mind, I realize that this doesn’t make what I’m about to say any less true.
Letting out a long breath, I decide that he should hear what I have to say. He can decide what to do – or not do – with the information. If it turns out to be nothing, all the better. But, if it's something as sinister as it sounded to me, then he needs to have a heads-up about it.
“Well, like I said Mayor Goodrich and that developer were talking,” I say. “And I heard them discussing you.”