“Please,” she scoffs. “He's a rich guy who must have plenty of lawyers on retainer to handle that kind of shit. The fact that he's called you three times a day since we got home from Vegas tells me something. It should probably tell you something too.”
It did tell me something. It told me to stay away from him at all costs. To not get him involved in the shitshow that is my life. I can lie to Gabby however I want, but the truth of the matter is – I do feel something for Brayden. Something deep. Something real. And that terrifies me. Honestly, with the shit going on in my life right now, I don't want to drag him into this.
Or maybe it's that I don't want him to see this. I'm embarrassed by my situation. By my father. And because I do feel such a connection with Brayden, and feel as strongly for him as I do, I don't want to see the judgment in his eyes. I don’t want to see his reaction to how my father and brother treat me.
Or, more accurately, how I let them treat me.
I’m their doormat. They walk all over me and most of the time, I barely put up a fight. I call it being loyal to my family, but Brayden might have another word for it entirely. I want him to remember me as that strong, fierce, independent woman he got to know in Vegas. I want him to always see me that way.
I don't ever want him to think of me as weak, as a pushover. Or as someone who can't stand up for herself. I don't ever want him to see me as anything but the woman he knew in Vegas.
“Sometimes, you need to take a chance, hon,” she says. “You have to be willing to go out on a limb for something great.”
“Yeah, but we only spent a few days together. I don't know if it's something great or not.”
“I can tell you that from where I stand, it is,” she says. “When you were with him out there, you were just different, Holly.”
I cock my head to the side. “Different how?”
“It’s hard to explain,” she says. “You just seemed freer. A lot lighter. Like you were enjoying yourself, and life, a lot more. It's like he unlocked something in you that made you – happy.”
I run my hands over my face and then through my hair. She's not wrong. Being with Brayden in Vegas made me feel alive. And for the first time in my entire life, I felt truly happy. I felt a lightness in my spirit, in my soul, when I was with him.
That all disappeared the moment the plane touched down in Denver though. It vanished as if it had never existed. And in its place, is the all-too-familiar heaviness in my heart. The darkness that wraps itself around me like a shroud and holds me tight. There's a pressure that pushes down on me – that is sometimes so heavy, it makes it hard to breathe.
I never realized there was another way to exist, until Brayden showed me. As badly as I want to reach out and grab hold of that feeling, I'm terrified of it. I feel like I'm flying too close to the sun, but eventually, I’ll plummet back to Earth and crash in the most painful way possible.
The alarm on Gabby's phone goes off and my stomach lurches in response. She looks at me and I return her gaze shakily, pure fear running through my veins. Gabby gives me a questioning look, so I nod slowly, not sure if I really want to go through with this – but, knowing that I have no other choice.
She picks the little white stick off the bathroom counter and looks at it, her eyes growing wide, her cheeks flushing.
“I guess you have something else to talk to Brayden about,” she says. “You're pregnant.”
“Oh shit,” I mutter softly. “Oh shit, oh shit, oh shit.”
As if my day couldn't have gotten any worse.
“Weren't you guys safe?” she asks.
I nod. “Yeah…we used a condom.”
“Looks like it failed.”
“Thank you, Captain Obvious.”
“What are you going to do?” Gabby asks.
I shake my head. “I don't know.”
“If you need one, I can make a couple of calls and find a doctor –”
I shake my head, cutting off that train of thought. “I can't do that,” I say. “I don't begrudge or judge any other woman who makes that decision, but it's not for me.”
“So, you're keeping it.”
I nod. “Yeah,” I say. “I figure I make a good enough living to support a child. I can do this.”
“On your own?”
I nod again. “Yeah,” I say. “On my own.”
“You need to talk to Brayden.”
“He's not going to want to be tied down with a kid,” I say.
“Shouldn't that be for him to decide?”
“He enjoys being a bachelor.”
Gabby hands me the stick and I look at the tiny pink positive sign in the window, feeling my heart and stomach sink in unison. I shake my head slowly as tears begin to fall down my cheeks.
“He needs to know,” Gabby says. “He has the right to decide if he wants to be involved.”
In my heart, I know that she's right. I know I have to tell him. He has every right to decide what kind of lifestyle he wants to lead. I don't want him to feel obligated to do anything or to stay married to me. I would never want Brayden to feel trapped or exploited in any way.
If he doesn't want to be a part of our child's life, that's fine. I know that we could make it without him. It happens everyday in this country. Although it would be easier if he was involved. He could certainly provide for our child better than I can on my own.
However, I would never force him to do something he didn’t want to do.
“If nothing else,” Gabby says, “he needs to pony up for child support.”
I laugh. That's my Gabby – always the voice of reason. She is right, though. The money I'd get through child support would make life a lot easier. But, that means having to talk to Brayden and tell him that I'm pregnant. It's a thought that terrifies me like nothing else has in this world before.
“Are you going to tell your dad?” she asks.
“Are you crazy?” I reply. “He'd kill me. No, no one else can know right now. Absolutely no one. Not even Brayden. Not until I figure out a plan.”
“Okay,” she says. “I'm here for you, Holly. Always.”
I give her a weak smile – the best I can muster, given the circumstances. “Thank you, Gabs.” I say. “I love you.”
“Love you too.”
She sits on the edge of the tub and takes my hand, squeezing it reassuringly. Tears pour down my face as an icy grip of fear clutches my heart. I bury my face in my hands and let the tears fall freely. My body is racked with sobs and I can't shake the dark, ominous feeling of doom that's enveloped me.
“What am I going to do, Gabs?” I wail. “What in the hell am I going to do?”
Chapter Twenty-Two
Brayden
I sit in my office and stare out from the window at the skyline of downtown Austin. Holly is still not answering my calls, and she's all I can think about these days. When I close my eyes, all I see is the way her red hair falls over her shoulders. The cool, white tones of her skin. All I can think about is the smell of her. The feel of her body pressed to mine.
She's easily the most beautiful, exciting, and intoxicating woman I have ever been with. Being with her had felt so natural. So right. And we had such a good time together. It's frustrating the shit out of me that I can't get in touch with her. For her to leave me alone in the dark like this, to ghost me when we're technically legally married, is such a shitty thing to do.
Immediately after returning home from Vegas, one of the first things I did was to take the ring off my finger. I don't need to carry around a reminder of my drunken mistake. Not when it occupies my mind enough as it is. And I sure as hell don't want to answer any questions that might come up if anyone happens to see me sporting a wedding band.
A knock at my door pulls me out of my head and back into the here and now. I turn to see my secretary, Veronica, poking her head in through the crack in the door. I wave her in, and she looks slightly nervous, clearing her throat before speaking.