“Why?” He directed the SUV down the gravel road and out onto the service road leading away from the cidery. “Would you like to drive for a while, see some of the area before we head back to the cabin?”
“Yes, please.” She watched the rolling farms alternate with bare woods. There was a stark beauty to it all, and she imagined it would all be a verdant, lush sort of green in summer.
“So why is missing me the wrong thing to say?” Brandon’s prompt held a sort of cautious tone to it.
She shrugged. “I had time to try all seven ciders. I had questions I wrote into my day planner so I wouldn’t forget to ask you when it seemed like a good time. But you’ve devoted days to being with me every moment. Even when you’re not right next to me, I’ve woken up and known if I called for you, you’d be within earshot. It’s silly for me to say I missed you after just two hours. Clingy. You never liked clingy.”
Which was something he’d told her back in high school when girls would hang on to him. He didn’t like the way girls followed him around or tried to talk him into asking them out on dates. She’d paid attention because she hadn’t ever wanted to be the kind of girl he avoided. She hadn’t thought she could bear it if he started to brush her away the way he did those other girls.
“I wouldn’t.” His statement startled her.
Had she said some of that out loud? Maybe. She talked to herself sometimes.
“Which is why it’s good to have dogs around so you can at least pretend you’re talking to someone.” He chuckled. “Lyn does it all the time and so does Elisa. I figure your cat will do for you, too.”
“But Tesseract isn’t here.” She crossed her arms across her chest. This was weird.
“She’s back at the cabin and we’ll be headed back shortly.” Brandon didn’t seem worried. “I just wanted to give you a change of scenery before we head back.”
“I appreciate it.” She was losing her buzz, though, and with it the courage she’d been trying to build while waiting for him. “I did have questions for you, though.”
“Go ahead.” He sat there, relaxed, his gaze focused on the road ahead of them. His hands rested easy on the steering wheel.
She took a deep breath and opened her day planner. The first question was in blue. “Do you really think I might have to disappear?”
His lips pressed together, and he nodded. “It’s very possible. If we can’t resolve this with whoever has been coming after you, they won’t stop until they succeed in killing you. If they think you’re dead, you’ll be safer.”
She’d been thinking about it ever since he’d suggested it. “People make this choice all the time when they go into witness protection, right?”
“Some of them might not consider it a choice.” His tone had turned wry.
Well, that was fair. In a life-or-death scenario, the normal thought process probably would consider it the only option.
Her next question was in green ink. She’d surrounded it with lots of question marks because the thought had triggered a whole bunch of baby questions.
“Did you mean it when you said you’d stay with me?” She hunched her shoulders. She wanted to know if he meant it, but if he hadn’t, it’d be like a smack to the face. Then again, he could get mad at her for doubting him.
“Yes.” He didn’t add to the simple response. Instead, he reached over with one hand and held it out to her, palm facing upward.
She stared for a long moment, then placed her own hand in his.
“Why?” she whispered.
“Because.” He glanced over at her before returning his attention to the road. “Why are you afraid I don’t mean it?”
She drew in a slow breath and let it out. This was her last question. She’d written it in big, red block letters. It’d seemed like a stupid question to ask when he’d suddenly returned from the military. And then in the years while he was establishing the kennels, she hadn’t wanted to ask because she’d been so happy to be a part of his life again. He’d let her in, accepted her, let her become a part of the day-to-day routine of the place he’d created and the life he’d built for himself.
Asking the question had been a dangerous thing.
“Don’t you believe me, Sophie?” His hand gently squeezed hers. “Can you tell me why you’re afraid I won’t stay with you?”
There was an urgency in his voice now. He was getting worried.
She withdrew her hand from his. It was time to ask. And then, when she heard him give her the answer, the two of them were going to have to figure out where they would go from there.
“Why did you leave me the first time?”
Chapter Nineteen
Not “why did you leave” this time. She’d specifically asked why he’d left her.
He didn’t know how to answer her.
Shit.
He knew the answer. He’d even thought about telling her. But this was his Sophie, and she’d never needed him to talk about it before this. It’d been enough to see her smile, to know she’d welcomed him back.
His life had started again the minute he’d seen she was glad to see him again.