I wish I were brave enough to send these letters to you. As much as I love you, as much as I always will, when I sit under the stars on the other side of the globe, I know that you and I can't fit into each other's worlds. But there will ever only be you, for all my life.
I ran my trembling fingers over his words, then across a letter I'd written him that rested in the crease, folded like a paper boat. I flipped back through the pages, letter after letter, his words breaking me, his sorrow, his longing. His heart had been through what mine had.
"It's always been you, Elliot. Every night when I lay my head on the pillow, every morning when I rise, it's only you. Tell me I'm not too late. Tell me there's still a chance for us, and I will spend every breath I have earning your forgiveness. Tell me that you still love me, and I will give myself to you completely."
I was overcome, unable to speak as I closed the journal and clutched it to my aching heart. And because words could not find me, I stepped closer until our bodies met, laid my hand on the hard line of his jaw, tilted my chin, and kissed him with everything I possessed.
His lips against mine transferred truth, singing softly as they parted and closed against mine in a song of deliverance and salvation.
He wrapped his arms around me, breathing me in deeper with every second as the kiss went on and on forever just as it ended too soon. He searched my face, only a few inches from his, his breath warming my skin.
"Is it true? Is it real?" he asked in a whisper. "After everything I've done, could you still love me?"
"I have loved only you," I whispered back, and his face lit with joy, bent with grace as he kissed me again. And with a few simple words, he was mine and I was his, as it had always been, even when it was unspoken.
He dipped his chin, breaking the kiss as he pressed his forehead to mine.
I was home.
27
Wait
Waves lap my feet
Eyes on the horizon
Love in my heart
As I wait
For you.
* * *
- M. White
* * *
Wade
I closed my eyes, certain I'd open them to find her gone, but there she was with love and forgiveness in her eyes. And my new mission was to earn that forgiveness with everything I did.
I kissed her again, pulling her into me, drinking her in with every breath, every touch. When she broke away, she smiled up at me.
"What do we do now?" she asked with swollen lips.
Within a split second, I had my answer. I smiled back and took her hand. "Come with me."
"I'll follow you anywhere. Where you go, I go."
I couldn't resist another kiss, slipping my hand into her hair before I pressed my lips to hers, transferring all the gratitude and triumph I felt. And then, I hastily packed away my notebook and closed up the box, tucking it under my arm as I took her hand again.
Anticipation crackled between us, popping with wonder. Her hand was in mine, and she was smiling. She was happy, but not as happy as I was — she'd given me everything I wanted, everything I'd been hiding from, the things I thought I'd never had. But all I'd had to do was ask.
"Where are we going?" she asked as we hurried down the sidewalk.
"To my house, is that all right?"
"Perfect," she answered.
We didn't speak along the way, both of us too busy with our thoughts, with our awe and reverence, and before long, I was towing her up the steps of the house and through the door, up the stairs and into my room, closing the door behind me.
She stood in the middle of my bedroom catching her breath, looking around with wide eyes that scanned the walls and furniture.
"It's just like I remembered it," she said half to herself as she unwound her scarf absently, walking to my desk to hang it and her coat on the back of my chair. The cork board still held our photos, my boutonniere from senior prom pinned next to our picture, a poem she'd written me there alongside it. She trailed her fingers across the words. "It feels like a lifetime ago."
I took off my coat too, tossing it on my bed, stepping behind her to hold her around the waist. My chin rested on top of her head, and she covered my arms with hers.
"Feels like yesterday," I said. "Time is a funny thing, isn't it?"
"It is," she answered quietly before turning around in my arms. "I've missed you. Every second of every day."
I brushed her cheek with the backs of my fingers. "I thought I could forget you. I even convinced myself I had, for a time. But it was impossible. You left a mark on my soul I couldn't erase."
The feeling of her body against mine, the weight of her hands on my chest reminded me she was real. And then I kissed her, compiling the sensations blissfully.
"I want to know everything," I said, pressing my lips to her temple. "Everything I missed, everything that's happened."
She chuckled. "So much. Seven years' worth."
"I've got all the time in the world to listen."
She sighed, the sound full of perfect happiness. "Where should I start?"
"From the minute I left."
"That," she said sadly, "was not a very tale-worthy time."
"But I want to know all the same."
She took my hand and led me to my bed, climbing in to lie against the wall, and I lay next to her. Her body curled and molded to mine, our legs wrapping around each other, her arm over my chest and mine under her shoulders, her dark hair fanned out and my hand unable to leave it alone. I slipped silky strands of it between my fingers, lost in the moment with her.
We lay like that for a little while before she spoke.
"You read my letters, so you know a bit."
I nodded and kissed her forehead.
"For almost two years, I floated through life, not knowing if I'd ever recover. I just kept writing letters, an exercise likened to stamping your feet in the cold to keep the blood flowing. It was the only way I could survive, to get the words out and away from me. Except the words were wind. They meant nothing to anyone but me. Or, I thought. I wasn't sure if you'd even gotten them or if you did, if you'd read them."
"I did. I read every one, just not when I should have."
She was quiet for a moment. "I think I'd rather hear what happened to you through all that time. I've missed it all."
"I … Elliot, I don't know how to tell you what it was like."
"Words, strung together, one at a time."
I took a deep breath, her arm riding the rise and fall of my chest. "When I left, I left my soul here, with you." I paused, not sure how to put it but trying to, regardless. "I was empty at first, focused only on basic training. Every day was scheduled, every minute from the time I woke to the second the lights went out, and it seemed the next thing I knew, I was shipped off to Iraq."
Her hand shifted, resting in the hollow of my chest, just above my heart.