A Thousand Letters

Charlie watched us, trying to find his footing. "Let me take your coat."

"No, that's all right. I won't be staying long." I looked into his eyes, apologizing with all my heart, hoping he'd understand. "Mary didn't tell you, did she?"

"Tell me what? Will somebody please tell me what in God's name is going on?" he asked with wide eyes and fear riding his voice.

I looked at my sister. "It's your last chance."

Her face wrenched up, red and angry as tears flooded her eyes, catching in a line at her lashes. "Don't. This is none of your business, Elliot. Just shut up. Shut the fuck up right now."

I took a deep breath and released it, hoping he knew how sorry I was. "She's having an affair with Jack."

Charlie stood dumbfounded next to me, brow bent as if he didn't understand what I'd said. "That … that can't …"

I said nothing.

"She's lying," Mary cried, reaching for Charlie, fisting his shirt in her hands. "Please, believe me."

He searched her face before looking back to me, then back at her.

"Why would Elliot lie?" he asked.

"Because she hates me." Mary was frantic and feverish, her eyes searching his for purchase. "She's jealous because I have everything she wants. She just wants to hurt me, hurt us. She's probably in love with you and wants me out of the way. You know she's obsessed with mothering the kids. Our kids."

But her words couldn't touch me — I kept my eyes on him and my heart on task as my father and sister appeared next to the staircase, staring silently. "They were here in the kitchen this afternoon. I heard everything. Jack only pretended to be interested in me as leverage, to convince her to leave you. They said they've loved each other for years … and when I walked in, they were kissing."

"No," he whispered.

Emotion welled in my chest at the impossibility of it all. The right thing felt wrong, so wrong, the betrayal and disbelief on his face breaking me.

"You liar," she growled through her teeth. "You fucking liar," she shrieked and flew at me. We tumbled to the ground as she slapped and scratched at me for a split second before Charlie pulled her away.

He grabbed her by the arms and bent to level his eyes with hers, holding her still. Her eyes were still locked on me.

"Mary," he commanded, and she finally looked at him, her anger melting away, turning to pitiful sorrow. "Is it true?"

Her mouth opened to speak, but nothing came out, her eyes bouncing between his, her brows pinched.

He shook her once. "Mary! Tell me. Tell me the truth." A fat tear slipped down her cheek.

"It wasn't supposed to be like this," she whispered.

His chest heaved, jaw locked, nostrils flaring as he took it in. "With Jack?" he asked after a moment.

"We never meant to hurt you," she said feebly, her words shaking, and he let her go, backing away from her slowly. She lunged for him, grabbing his shirtfront. "Don't, please don't go. Please, let me explain," she begged, desperation thick in her voice.

He ripped her hands away, holding her back by her wrists. "Nothing you can say will change what you've done." He let her go and turned his back on her, his hands shaking as he helped me up. "Are you all right?" he asked gently.

"Who cares about her? This is her fault," she screamed as I nodded. Charlie whipped his head around to glare at her.

"No, this is your fault. You did this to me. To our children." His voice broke. "You did this, and it can't be undone." He turned for the stairs. "Get out, Mary. Take your things and leave. And don't come back."

"Charlie!" she cried, scrambling up the stairs after him. "Please. Please don't say that. Don't do this. If you'd just talk to me—"

"You can talk to my lawyer." He stormed up the rest of the stairs and slammed the bedroom door.

Mary stood halfway up the stairs, her eyes on the space where he'd stood only a few seconds before. And in that moment, she seemed small, stripped of her pride, of her marriage, her dignity. I reminded myself that she'd made this choice. That it wasn't my fault.

It didn't stop me from feeling responsible all the same.

She finally turned, her rage contorting her face. "You couldn't keep your fucking mouth shut, and now look at what you've done. I've done everything for you, you ingrate, and this is how you repay me?"

"You treat me as if I've done nothing for you. Like I haven't endured you for all these years. You ask me to lie when you've never given me anything, not even something so simple as your love. But if you cared about anyone other than yourself, you wouldn't have asked that of me. You wouldn't have cheated in the first place."

"Get out, Elliot!" she screamed. "Get out."

Charlie appeared at the top of the stairs again, his face flat and angry and cold. "Leave her alone, Mary. You've bullied her long enough."

"Fuck you, Charlie! Don't tell me what to do in my house."

He rushed down and grabbed her by the arm, wrenching it at an awkward angle as he kept going, taking her down the stairs with him, then past us.

"Ow, you're hurting me. Where are we going?" she yelled, trying to wriggle away from him.

"To the office until Elliot is gone for the night. I don't know that she's safe here with you."

"What the hell is that supposed to mean?" She broke free and stood there, staring at him.

He towered over her. "It means if you hit her again, I'll call the police, and I don't think you want to get arrested, not if you want custody of your children. So get down the stairs and into my office or so help me God, I'll pick you up and carry you."

He grabbed her arm again, and she went more compliantly, shooting daggers over her shoulder at me. When the door closed, I realized I was shaking all over.

My father fumed. "What the hell is the matter with you?" he spat. "None of this was your business, and now you've meddled and all of us will suffer for it! What are we supposed to do now?"

"I don't know, Dad," I offered, exhausted. "Go home?"

His face was red as he blustered, "We can't go home! We have no home!"

My brow dropped in confusion. "What do you mean?"

"I mean we were evicted, you idiot. We have no money, no means. Why else would we be here? Do you really think I wanted to come back here? And now you've ruined everything."

I watched them in utter disbelief and absolute understanding. "Of course. It all makes perfect sense." I tried to walk past them to my room to pack a few things, but he grabbed me by the arm.

"Where do you think you're going? You need to fix this, Elliot Marie."

I pulled my arm away, meeting his angry gaze with one of my own. "Fix it yourself. It's you who made the mess in the first place."

"You're just like your mother," he spat like it was an insult.

"Thank you. Because in this world, one thing I will always be grateful for is that I am not like you." My eyes cut to Beth, who held Rodrigo, scowling at me. "Your hate has only strengthened my desire to be kind. Your anger has only made me more compassionate. I'm only sorry that I wasted it on you for all these years."

And with that, I walked away from my family once and for all.





24





The Length of Love



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