Wade stood in front of us, hands deep in the pockets of his wool coat, collar flipped and brow low. He looked angry, angry and hurt and silent as stone.
"W-Wade," I stammered, my cheeks flushing as we approached him.
He nodded, jaw flexing as his cool eyes landed on Jack.
"We, ah, we were just shopping for tomorrow night," I offered, feeling strangely ashamed, as if I'd been caught, as if I owed him an explanation.
"Same thing," he said, two gruff words. "Had to pick up a few things."
He watched me with the weight of a thousand years, and no one spoke for a long moment.
Jack smiled amiably and extended a hand. "How's it going? I'm Jack."
Wade took his hand, gripping it hard as he pumped once and let it go. "Wade," was all he offered.
Another awkward moment passed. "So, I'm guessing you're Sophie's brother?" Jack asked.
He nodded, a single bob of his chin. My heart thumped its warning; the softness I'd seen in him yesterday had vanished, taking my hope with it, leaving behind a cold shell of a man, hardened to steel.
"I'm sorry to hear about your dad," Jack continued as if everything were normal. Maybe to everyone but Wade and me, it seemed that way. "Hopefully the stuff we got today will bring him some happiness."
"Thanks," Wade said, the word flat, colorless. "I'd better be going." He turned his gaze to me, the chill slipping all the way into my marrow. "See you tomorrow, Elliot."
"See you," I echoed feebly as Jack touched the small of my back.
"Nice to meet you," Jack said, but Wade's eyes were fixed on Jack's arm.
He said nothing, just gave another curt nod before blowing past us.
Jack watched him over his shoulder, guiding me forward with his hand on my back, a protective gesture that gave me no strength. "Well, isn't he cheery."
"His father's dying," I said quietly.
His eyes were still on Wade's back. "That's not really an excuse to be rude."
I didn't have the heart to say that it was because of me. The moments we shared, those glimpses of him that I caught when he let me in, let me through, it was all erased in an instant. We'd barely spoken, had barely seen each other, and now he acted as if he held claim to me, as if I'd ruined him all over again. As if I still held the power over him that he held over me.
And the worst part of it all: after an entire day with a handsome, charming man who wanted me, with a single sighting of Wade, I realized I would never get over him. Not as long as I lived.
Wade
I couldn't stop walking.
My tasks were forgotten, my list forgotten, wiped out at the sight of Elliot with him.
Jack.
The word was a curse as I walked aimlessly around the Upper West, replaying the meeting over and over again as if I could will another outcome into existence. As if I could erase the image of her smiling at him. As if I could eradicate the sound of her laughter. As if I could break the hand that touched her back.
Coming home to find Ben had shifted something in me, given me hope, given me strength. Given me purchase against the shifting ground I found myself on. All night, I'd thought about the possibility of her. All day, I'd considered what I would say. I'd let myself hope, hope that was dashed by the sight of her by his side.
She'd moved on, and the realization left me reeling.
I was stupid to think she'd never gotten over me like I hadn't gotten over her. It hadn't even crossed my mind that she could have a boyfriend, that she could have been dating someone. That someone could be interested in her, and she in him. Because the way she looked at him, the way he was smiling at her — it all spoke of happiness, togetherness.
It never even occurred to my one-track mind because I'd never moved on, never imagined I could or would. Never even tried. And now that it had occurred to me, I couldn't shake the maddening thought of her with another man.
Maybe he was better for her. He was here, after all, available. I was unavailable, and I would be leaving again. Always leaving. If she cared about him, I'd let her be. There would be no telling her how I felt, not if she was happy. I wouldn't get in the way of her happiness.
But that didn't mean I was happy about it.
I turned the corner and found myself on my street, my feet carrying me home on their own, and I stormed into the house, not sure what else to do. It was quiet — I found Sophie on the couch next to Dad, both napping. Sadie was nowhere to be seen, and I heard voices in the kitchen … Lou and Ben, I realized as I approached.
Lou was laughing, and she laid a hand on Ben's arm where it rested on the island counter. He leaned toward her, smiling, and relief slipped over me at her redirected attention.
She caught sight of me as I walked into the room and pulled her hand back, cheeks flushing. "Wade," she said, and Ben looked over his shoulder, frowning when he saw me.
"You okay?"
I ran a hand through my hair. "Yeah."
He gave me a look that said he knew I was full of shit.
Lou slipped off her stool. "I should get going. Dinner's in the fridge with heating instructions. I'll, ah, see you tomorrow?"
I gave her a nod and pulled open the refrigerator door, reaching for a beer.
"Let me walk you out," Ben said as he followed her out, hand on her back.
I twisted the cap off and took a long drink, leaning on the counter with damp hands for support.
They chatted in the entryway for a minute before I heard the door open and close, and seconds later, Ben was getting a beer of his own. He didn't say anything until he was seated across from me.
"What happened? Is … is this about Lou? I didn't think … I mean, if you're into her, I'll back off, no questions."
I huffed and rolled my eyes. "My cousin? No. This isn't about my cousin."
He looked relieved, pointing the neck of his beer at me. "Cousin by marriage. That was a reasonable question."
I took another heavy drink, nearly draining it before setting it on the counter. "I'm not interested in Lou. She's all yours."
He smiled. "Thank you. I haven't wanted to bring it up with everything going on, but …" He rubbed the back of his neck, his cheeks flushing. "I'm into her. Really into her."
I blinked, surprised.
I could tell when he started rambling just how bad it was. "I asked her early on about you — I thought you guys might have had a thing by the way she acted around you. But she said it was just a crush, that she didn't really get it before me." He paused. "Do you believe in love at first sight?"
I nodded, feeling my lips flatten at the memory of Elliot, at the memory of hope. "I do."
Ben shook his head in wonder. "It felt like that. Like I'd been zapped by electricity. Like there was no one in the room but me and her. I didn't think it was real, but now I'm almost certain I was wrong."
"I'm happy for you and Lou."
He sighed. "Thanks. It feels good. I only wish I didn't have to leave so soon." There was pain and worry behind his eyes that I knew all too well.
"I have a feeling you'll make it."
His smile was earnest. "I hope so." He leaned on the surface of the bar, his smile falling as he spoke. "So if you're not upset about Lou …"