But I didn't have to leave Elliot. I could take her with me in a small way. I would have her always, if she would marry me.
The plan had been to wait to marry until she'd graduated, when I came back from my first tour overseas, to Iraq, if I had to guess. I'd wondered, as my hands stilled over my bag, if I would make it back.
It wasn't the first time I'd considered it, but it was the first time I felt it. I imagined it, imagined them sending my body home, imagined Elliot standing over my grave, wondering what would have been, what could have been.
Something in me snapped.
If something happened to me, she would be the last to know. She would receive nothing, would have no means to take care of her. If something happened to me (I pictured it, saw the image of my broken body, the blood, the sand blowing over me), if it happened before I came back, I would never have had her at all, never called her my wife. Never placed the ring on her finger and told her I'd love her until my last breath. And that was the one thing, the only thing I wanted before I died.
I knew where Dad kept Gran's ring, and I swiped it in the dark, hurried to her house, climbed in her window, and I changed the rules. For us. For me.
And she said yes. She eased my mind, eased my fears. She said yes, and that made me the happiest man in the entire world.
The next day as I waited for her to come over so we could tell my family, the foyer seemed smaller than it usually was as I paced from end to end. My thoughts flew around my head — she was on her way. We were getting married. Married. She'd given me everything I wished for when she uttered that single word: Yes.
A knock sounded on the door, and I rushed to open it, knowing it was her, smiling the smile of a man whose dreams have come true. But the look on her face nearly brought me to my knees.
"What happened?" I asked, reaching for her.
Her chin quivered, face bending as she curled into my chest, crying. I held her against me with my hand cupping the back of her head, her silky dark hair between my fingers. We stood like that for a long moment, my heart sinking lower and lower until I was anchored to the spot.
When she pulled away, she swiped at her tears, avoiding my eyes. "I … I'm sorry."
"For what?" I asked, terrified, my voice quiet and still.
She shook her head. "I told my dad."
"What did he do?" I growled.
She blew out a breath and looked away, staving off more tears. "He said we're too young. That we don't know what we're doing. That he wants to protect me, so …" She met my eyes. "He told me I have to choose."
First was shock, zapping up my spine like I'd been electrocuted. Then anger, hot and slow in my chest, but not at her. For her.
"How could he do that? Why would he do that?" I asked, spitting the words, pulling her back into me, hanging on to her as if I could absorb the pain, or at the very least share it with her.
"Because he's my dad. He wants what's best for me."
I would have laughed if I hadn't been so angry. "No, Elliot. He doesn't."
"Of course he does."
I let it go, not wanting to argue with her, not now. "What did he threaten you with?"
"Everything," she said quietly. "He'll kick me out, disinherit me."
"As if he has something left to give you other than debt."
"That's not the point." She pulled away, eyes full of hurt. "They're my family. I'm just seventeen … where will I go? What will I do?"
"You'll be with me. I'll take care of you." I willed her to understand. "I'll always take care of you."
Her dark eyes searched mine. "What if we went back to the old plan? What if … what if we just have a long engagement? I'll finish high school, and then I'll be free."
Betrayal was all I felt, slipping over me like a storm. "I can't believe you're actually considering this. After last night, after everything …"
She touched my arm, her skin burning mine. "I love you, Wade. I want to marry you, but why can't we wait just for a year like we'd planned?"
I swallowed my fears, not able to speak the truth, not able to admit why I couldn't wait. I didn't want to scare her, didn't want her to know I was afraid too. "This isn't about them. This is about you and me. They don't care about you. They don't want your happiness, don't you see that?" I took her hands and looked into her eyes. "Don't let them dictate your life. Don't give them that power."
"Please," she said, her voice shaking. "Please don't make me choose, Wade."
My will hardened, digging in its heels. "I don't want to leave, go to war, live," (Die) "without you. I can't. While I exist in this universe, I want you tied to me in a way that's unbreakable. Undeniable. And I know what you want — you told me last night. I know you want me, want this, just as much as I do. So just make the choice. It's easy."
"You keep saying that, but it's not." Her voice quivered, her eyes flashing with the hurt and betrayal I felt. "Nothing is easy. Nothing is simple. I'm seventeen, and you're asking me to commit to walking away from my family for my whole life without considering what it will mean for me."
"I'm asking for you to commit to me. I'm not asking for you to give anything other than yourself to me."
"There are consequences, consequences that will last my entire life. I'm just asking for time, that's all," she begged.
"I don't have time to give you." I fumed frantically, watching her, willing her to change her mind.
She shook her head, pulling her hands back, taking my heart with her. "I can't believe you're doing this. I expected it from them, but not from you. What I'm asking isn't unreasonable. I'm not saying no, Wade. I'm saying yes. I'm telling you I want you, but you're telling me that it's now or never. It's not fair. None of this is fair," she said, voice raising, trembling. In the moment, I couldn't see how right she was.
"You want to honor them over us." I watched her slip away, and there was nothing I could do to stop it. The finality of the situation dawned on me, our future, our dreams fading in the light. "They've done nothing for you but tear you down, and you're not willing to walk away from them. You're not willing to come with me. You're choosing them."
"And you'd rather lose me forever than give me more time?"
I took a breath and squared my shoulders. "I'm asking you to take a leap. To trust me."
"I do trust you, but you're asking too much. Too much," she whispered, eyes shining, heart broken.
"You would choose them over me when all they've done is hurt you. When all I've ever done is love you. And if you really loved me, you'd come with me." I watched her, resigned, defeated. "I don't know what else to say."
Her tears fell in sparkling trails down her cheeks, and I watched, my soul folding in on itself as she reached for her left hand, ring finger, and she twisted, twisting the knife in my heart along with it. The ring slipped off her long finger and she pressed it into my palm.
"Then I guess we say goodbye."
And I was so broken, so hurt, that all I could do was turn around and walk inside, closing the door to my heart behind me.