Tom was brilliant at the prize-giving. Sitting behind him on the platform, Alice thought she had never been prouder of him. The opening to his speech almost made her cry.
Having thanked the mayor and the headmaster for inviting him, he said, ‘You should all – and I mean all of you, not just the prize-winners today – be extremely proud of yourselves. This is a wonderful school, but I won’t say you’re lucky to be here. Because you’re not.’ The headmaster gave him a startled, none-too-friendly look. ‘You’re not here because your fathers pay a large sum of money every term so that you can attend. Although the education you’re receiving is every bit as good, if not better, as you would be receiving at a private school. No, you’re here entirely through your own efforts, through hard work and determination, every single one of you, and coming here is a prize in itself. So well done. Your families should be proud of you, and you should be proud of yourselves.
‘I went to a grammar school myself, in a small town in Hampshire. I lived in a very small village where my father was the postman. From there, I went on to work for a solicitor, as a clerk, and now I am a qualified London solicitor. And I am proud, very proud. Particularly of the system that got me there. Undreamed-of opportunities are available through the grammar schools for every child in the land. Make the most of yours. Which I’m sure you are doing.
‘And now to the business of the evening . . .’
The local paper called his speech inspirational, and carried a photograph of Tom, captioned, Labour figure tells grammar-school boys to be proud of themselves.
It was almost better than being at Jillie’s wedding supper, Alice thought, reading it.
Ludo sat looking at Ned, appalled. Things were even worse than he’d thought. Ned had recently gone against Ludo’s advice for treatment under the auspices of professional psychiatrists from a large London hospital, the purpose of which was to ‘administer and evaluate treatment for homosexuality’, said Ned.
‘There were things we had to do which I can’t tell even you, they were so appalling. Well you’ve been through it, you know. Christ, it was dreadful. But I did it. I felt I had to, for Jillie, because I so sincerely love her. I’ve done absolutely the wrong thing in asking her to marry me, and for letting things reach this stage.’
‘When was this?’
‘Couple of months ago.’
‘Any help?’
‘No. Absolutely none.’
‘Ned –’ Ludo hesitated. ‘Ned, you shouldn’t have let it get to this point. I know that’s not what you want to hear, but –’
‘You’re right, but I have to face things now, call a halt. Jesus. Two hundred guests, eight bridesmaids, huge party in the garden afterwards, the great and the good all there, including my mother. Who’s been fantastic. She guessed, of course, but coming from the circles she lives in, she understands and accepts and is absolutely supportive, but she’s angry with me for letting it get to this stage. But every time I decided to talk to Jillie, I would think of the awful consequences for me and my courage would fail.’
‘You poor blighter,’ said Ludo.
‘But now I have to. However ghastly it is for her as well as me, it’s better than marrying her under false pretences, to save my face. I’ll tell her the truth and urge her to tell it too. I’m not having her humiliated more than she has to be.’
‘I’m not sure the truth is what she’ll want to tell,’ said Ludo, ‘but we’ll see.’
‘There was a case in the papers last week,’ said Ned. ‘Some poor chap got caught soliciting. Wasn’t really, he just approached someone who was sitting on a park bench, struck up a conversation with him. But the police were onto this man, watching him, they’d had a tip-off and – well, that did it. They were both arrested, charged with gross indecency. Gross indecency, Ludo, for making a friend. They weren’t even holding hands, for God’s sake. The police just loathe us, they’ll do anything to catch us, send decoys into public lavatories – it’s dreadful. So wrong. So desperately wrong.’
His whisky glass was empty. Ludo poured him another.
‘Thanks. Anyway, I just needed to see you. Tell you what I was going to do, and I’d – I’d like to be able to talk to you afterwards, if you’re around.’
‘Yes, of course. I’m in the flat all week. Look, I can see now how lucky I am I suppose. I’m what’s now known as “bisexual”. I daresay you’ve heard of James Lees-Milne, the art historian –’
‘Yes, yes, of course.’
‘He’s bisexual; fell in love with Tom Mitford at Eton, and then years later with his sister Diana. Anyway, when I went to bed with a girl, I was all right. Although I much preferred the boys, certainly when I was young. But the dangers – well, the first time we talked, when I told you –’
‘That was brave,’ said Ned. ‘I’ll never forget that, Ludo, how much it helped me.’
‘We were pretty drunk, as I recall,’ said Ludo.
‘Well, it made me feel a lot less crazy,’ said Ned. ‘And I hoped you felt you could trust me.’
‘I did. And I do still. But you must get it over, Ned. Go and see Jillie tomorrow, no later, for her sake.’
‘Ned’s coming round this evening,’ said Jillie to her mother over lunch. ‘Says he wants to talk to me, can’t think what about. Now look, I know it’s a bit late in the day but I’m thinking of changing my hair.’
‘What, for your wedding?’ said Geraldine, her voice rising in horror. ‘Darling, it’s much too late, the poor hairdresser will have a fit.’
‘Well, it’s better than walking down the aisle in front of all those people, knowing I could be looking better,’ said Jillie.
‘I think you look lovely as it is. And so did all the girls on Saturday. You know, when they wanted to see the dress and you did your hair with the tiara.’
‘I know, but they hadn’t seen the new way. Alice would have understood,’ she added. ‘So sad she couldn’t come. She really is the most devotedly supportive wife. I’m afraid I shan’t be nearly as good – I’ve got terribly behind with my studies as it is.’
‘Well, you know my views on that,’ said Geraldine. ‘I don’t really approve of that sort of devotion. Women, even wives, have a right to their own lives.’
‘I know and I think Alice feels like that deep down. But she’s buried it, she’s so haunted by Laura’s ghost.’
‘Yes, it must be very difficult, living up to a paragon.’
‘I bet she wasn’t really a paragon. I bet she had loads of faults. But in Alice’s mind she was, so she just can’t help trying to be one too. Anyway, back to my hair . . .’
‘Jillie, please don’t. These last-minute things are so hard on everyone.’
Ned arrived at six on the dot. He was very pale, and Jillie realised for the first time that he had lost a lot of weight. I should have noticed, she thought. It’s because I’ve been so wrapped up in myself.
‘Hello,’ she said, giving him a kiss. ‘Come in. This is a bit of a treat. How are you?’