‘Oh, for Christ’s sake,’ said Tom, following her in, looking down at her with something close to dislike as she lay on the bed. ‘Don’t you realise this is a real chance of my actually achieving what I’ve dreamed of for the whole of my life?’
‘And if you get adopted,’ she said. ‘Will we have to move up there? Leave this lovely house? Will I have to have the baby in a strange hospital, with no friends around me? Which of course I will, but don’t you think you should have at least asked me how I felt about it?’
‘Curiously, I assumed you’d feel about it the way I do,’ said Tom. ‘As my wife, sharing my ambitions, my feelings, everything I want for both of us, all of us, as a family. Clearly I was wrong. Love – and marriage, indeed – don’t seem to mean the same things to you as they do to me. I think I’ll go out for a while. I’m not enjoying your company very much at the moment.’
‘Tom – Tom, I didn’t – I mean I do, Tom, please don’t go, please.’
‘I don’t see any reason to stay, quite frankly,’ and he was gone, the door slammed behind him.
Alice stopped crying at once, stunned at what she had done. Failing him totally, breaking her promises, whingeing and whining like the pathetic women she so despised. When – no, don’t think about Laura, don’t, Alice, it won’t help: but of course she did, imagining Laura’s great eyes shining, voice tremulous with excitement, asking what she could do, now, at once, saying how wonderful it was.
Tom came in after a couple of hours, clearly drunk, and looked at her with something close to dislike.
‘I’m sorry, Tom,’ Alice said immediately. ‘So very sorry. Of course I’ll do everything I can. It was just a bit of a shock.’
‘Clearly,’ he said. ‘I’m rather sad it should have come as a shock; it seems I should be more careful in future. I certainly don’t want to force you to do anything against your will.’
‘It’s not against my will, it really isn’t. I want to help you, I want you to succeed. I do, Tom, I do. You’ve got to believe me. Please, Tom, please.’
‘Well, I’ll do my best,’ he said. ‘And in answer to your rather self-absorbed questions, we wouldn’t have to move to Middleston. If I was actually elected, I would be working at the House. We’d merely have to go there at weekends, if that was acceptable to you.’
‘Tom –’
‘But since that is highly unlikely, there would be no question of it. So you wouldn’t have to have your baby away from everyone you know, as you put it.’
‘I wouldn’t mind, Tom. It would be worth it, of course it would. How can I make you believe me?’
‘Well, there is one thing,’ he said, ‘since you ask – you can have the baby at Acton Hospital. Forget all that nonsense about having it at St Thomas’. It’s not our local hospital, and you having it there reeks of privilege. You know how unhappy I am about it.’
‘Of course I will. I’m sorry,’ said Alice, bidding a silent and sad farewell to being somewhere she knew every inch of and where she had delivered babies herself and would have been under the aegis of Jillie’s uncle. ‘I didn’t know you felt so unhappy about it.’
‘I think you did,’ he said, ‘but we will leave it at that. Now, I have some reading to do. You look tired. Why don’t you go to bed, have an early night?’
‘Yes, yes, I will. Good idea,’ said Alice.
But she was still awake when he came to bed, hours later. She pretended to be asleep. Some part of her, along with the shame at her behaviour, was in shock. It was the first time she had ever seen Tom’s ruthless side, and indeed, his potential for cruelty. She found it disturbing, and worse, rather frightening.
In the event, Tom didn’t even get selected; he sat through an interview by the committee during which they treated him so derisively he almost walked out. The national agent broke the news, followed by a call from Donald Herbert shortly afterwards.
‘Just put it down to experience, which is crucial in this game. You didn’t do too badly in your interview.’
‘Really? It felt as though they couldn’t wait to get me out of the room.’
‘No place for paranoia in this game,’ said Donald. ‘Anyway, I thought I’d take you and Alice out to dinner, by way of consolation.’
Tom often doubted if Donald had a heart. He felt slightly ashamed and rang Alice to tell her.
‘I didn’t get selected. But we’re going out to dinner. Donald’s taking us, consolation prize. It’ll be somewhere pretty grand, so wear something really nice.’
‘Don’t be silly, Tom. I haven’t got anything really nice. Just a couple of smocks, remember? One of which you said reminded you of what your mother wore when she was doing the housework.’
‘I would never say anything like that.’
‘Well, you did. Anyway, it doesn’t matter.’
‘Well, go out and buy something. We can’t afford it, but the occasion merits a bit of an overdraft.’
‘All right, and thank you. But Tom, wouldn’t it be better if you went alone?’
‘No, Alice, it wouldn’t be better. This is a joint enterprise, and Donald wants to treat us both.’
There was a hint of the ruthless Tom she had seen for the first time so recently. The last thing she felt like doing was going out into hot crowded shops and pushing her vast self into a series of hideous garments that wouldn’t fit her, but she knew she had no option.
‘All right, Tom, I’ll do that,’ she said. ‘And please thank Donald for including me.’
This was a mistake. ‘Alice,’ said Tom, ‘do I have to say it again? This is something we’re doing together. Of course you should be there tonight.’
‘Tom? Tom Knelston? Is that you?’
He knew that voice. Cut-glass posh, slightly husky. But it wasn’t quite itself. Not as self-assured, or as strong.
‘Diana, what is it? You sound upset.’
‘You recognised my voice. I’m flattered.’
‘Of course I did. Is something the matter?’
‘You could say so. Tom, Friend Tom – you haven’t forgotten, have you, you promised to be my friend?’
‘Of course I haven’t forgotten.’ But he hadn’t thought it meant anything, just an idle flirtatious request.
‘Good. I really need to talk to you. Can you meet me this evening?’
‘Well –’
He had promised Alice to be home very much on time. He owed her a lot – they’d had a successful dinner with Donald Herbert – and she wanted his help decorating the nursery.
‘Tom, please. It’s really important.’
‘Well – all right. But I can’t be long. Where were you thinking of?’
‘I’m staying at Wendelien’s house, but she’s away. Could you come there?’
‘Well – well, yes, all right.’ It was probably safer than some public place. ‘Where is it?’
‘They’ve moved to a little mews off Baker Street. Padster Mews, number nine. Just whenever you can get away.’
‘Six? Six thirty?’
‘Marvellous. Thank you, Tom. I’ll have a gin and tonic at the ready.’
‘You’d better not,’ he said. ‘I’m going to have to invent a very lengthy client meeting for Alice. At which there would be no place for gin and tonic.’
He didn’t reach Padster Mews until almost seven. The buses were few and slow; and then it was hard to find. It was very pretty of course, and number nine had clearly been built across two sets of stables.