A Missing Heart

“I am half responsible for you being in this world, Ever, and for that reason alone, I will always be your dad. The legal stuff will come in time, okay?”


“Okay,” she says with a sluggish shrug. “I’m hungry.” She changes the subject, reminding me she’s a teenager as she stands up from the table and goes into the kitchen to fix herself a bowl of cereal.

“Daddy!” Gavin screams. “Daddy, Daddy, Daddy!” I run into the other room, finding Gavin nearly in tears. He looks confused, as I’m sure he did at four in the morning too, though it was probably still dark at least. Now, it’s pretty clear he’s in a room he’s never been in before.

“I’m here, buddy.” I take him out of the crib and quickly change his diaper. Grabbing the diaper bag, I bring it out to the kitchen so I can put together some food for him.

“Does he like eggs?” Cammy asks.

“Probably more than dried cereal,” I laugh.

“Eggs!” Gavin shouts.

“I can make the best eggs ever,” Cammy tells him, sweetly.

Gavin shrieks with excitement and squirms out of my arms to get down. He runs over to Cammy and wraps his little arms around her leg as she cracks the eggs into a bowl. “I help!”

“Of course you can!” Cammy lifts him up and places him on the counter next to her and hands him a whisk. “Go ahead.” Eggs spray everywhere but Cammy doesn’t seem to care. She’s in hysterics laughing, and Ever is grinning from ear to ear, watching this play out. “Bad idea!”

I’m not sure I’ve been in a room with four people laughing this hard. Or at least, it’s been a real long time. I miss the feeling of just being happy and free of worry.



“It’s finally Friday,” Cammy says, walking up with a smile on her face. “God, this week went by so slowly until you got here the other day.”

“I hear ya,” I tell her, pulling my clothes out of my bag. “You have an iron?”

She points to the closet and slips out of bed. “You’re wearing me out,” she groans with a lazy smile.

“I can stop if it’s too much for you to handle,” I say, padding across the room towards her. I loop my arms around her and pull her into me. She tilts her head back and I lean forward, pressing my lips to hers, feeling even more perfect than the last time I kissed her.

“Today is the best day,” she mutters against my mouth.

“You said that yesterday,” I remind her.

“Tomorrow will be even better,” she says.

Loosening the grip I’m never quite ready to release, I retrieve the ironing board and iron from the closet. She brushes past me at the same time, ripping through the hangers in a loud debate on what to wear the day she becomes a mother again.

An hour and twenty minutes later, we’re all dressed appropriately, or whatever seems appropriate for being granted a second chance at parenthood. “I’ll drive,” Cammy says as we’re walking outside. “No truck with this dress.”

“I know better than to argue with that,” I tell her. “I’ll just grab Gavin’s car seat from the truck.” I place Gavin down in the grass with her and he immediately lifts his arms to her, determined to be picked up. He clearly has good taste in women.

After settling everyone in Cammy’s SUV, we take off for the courthouse, which is about a half hour from here I guess. The music is turned up, the girls are singing, Gavin is kicking his feet into my seat, and I’m resting easy knowing life is on its way to amazingness.

Or at least that was the plan before the truck coming towards us decided to skid out of control. Shit.

“Cam!” I scream. “Watch out!”

I turn around in time to see the fearful look on Ever’s face and the unknowing smile on Gavin’s, but the sound of metal eating metal sends me spinning quickly into a dark hole, one that doesn’t give me the chance to look back at the oncoming truck.

With the darkness eating me up, the sounds around me take over all of my senses. Screams and cries fill the air, and I want to snap out of my haze to take care of my family but I can’t move. I feel heavy and pinned to the seat.

The noise fades around me and then escalates in volume. The repetition of growing and shrinking volume continues, causing incredible nausea. As the minutes pass, the volume stops growing, the cries stop blaring, and the screams become mute. The world around me halts its movements, and suddenly, everything is still. Everything is paused. How can my life be almost completely perfect one minute and then turn into a state of destruction seconds later?

My mind and thoughts feel like they’re coming to a crawl, and part of me wonders if my mind can’t comprehend the reality of what is happening, while the other part is considering the thought of my mind completely shutting down for good.





CHAPTER TWENTY-THREE

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