“You did an amazing job. You’re an excellent mother.”
Jen’s smile turned rueful. “Thanks, but my only child will talk to everyone but me. I’m guessing that means I don’t qualify for mother of the year.”
“You’re being too hard on yourself.”
Jen hesitated a second, drew in a breath and said softly, “Maybe you’re being too easy on yourself.”
Pam jerked her head as if she’d been slapped. She started to stand, then forced herself to stay in place. She was already fighting with Steven. Did she really want to be on the outs with Jen, too?
“I’m not a bad person,” she insisted. “I care about my children.”
“So much that you won’t accept what Steven wants. Funny how your son won’t talk to you either, Mom.”
Pam felt herself flush. She reached for Lulu and then stood. “I don’t know what to think.”
Jen rose and set Jack on his feet. “I love you, Mom. I hope you’re not mad.”
“I’m not. I’m...” She bit her lower lip. “I have no idea what I am.” A nervous mother who was alienating her children? That was so not how she saw herself. She sucked in a breath and told herself she wouldn’t cry. Not until she was home by herself. “What do you want from me?”
“For you to love me and my family, and for you to let us love you back. Oh, and get off Steven and Zoe. They need your support, your wisdom and in time, your babysitting. Let it go, Mom. Steven’s a grown man. Don’t make him choose.”
Which was what Miguel had said to her. To not make him choose. Only she understood Miguel choosing his daughter, but Steven...
Steven would choose the woman he loved, because that was what you did when you wanted to be with someone. A child was different. You always had to side with your child, but a parent was... Not disposable, she thought. A parent could be left behind.
Steven would leave her. He would choose Zoe and leave her. While he went on with his life, she would be forever out of his inner circle. She would be excluded from all that was precious to him.
The pain of that image cut through her until she thought she couldn’t breathe. It was one thing to not be speaking but if that became permanent, then what? John would be so very ashamed of her.
The truth of that slammed into her, leaving her weak. Funny how she thought of John so much and yet had never considered what he would say about Steven and Zoe. She could hear his familiar voice even now.
It’s not our decision to make, Pam. Fuss all you want, but at the end of the day, Steven’s going to do what he’s going to do. Trust him to make the right decision, then get out of the way.
The words were so clear, she glanced around to see if he was in the room with them.
“Mom? Are you okay?”
Pam nodded, then picked up Lulu. “I’m fine. I was just thinking about your father.”
“I miss Dad, too.”
“I know you do.” She drew in a breath and smiled. “For what it’s worth, you’re not disqualified from mother of the year.”
“Okay.” Jen looked confused. “What does that have to do with what we were talking about?”
“On the surface, nothing.” Pam hugged her daughter, then kissed the top of Jack’s head. “I love you both and I’ll see you soon.”
“Are you okay?”
“Yes. Don’t worry.”
With that, Pam left. When she got to her car, she hesitated for a second, then realized where she had to go and what she had to do.
Chapter Twenty-Four
Pam drove to the quiet neighborhood and parked in front of Zoe’s house. She picked up Lulu and went to the front door. Once there, she tried to think about what to say. When nothing came, she knew she either had to wing it or walk away, and leaving was no longer an option.
She knocked and waited, thinking about the email Zoe had sent, hoping Zoe really did wish her the best. Zoe answered a few seconds later. Her eyes widened with surprise.
“Pam. What are you doing here?”
Pam looked at her, searching for signs of the pregnancy. Her cheeks were a little fuller, but that was pretty much it. Zoe’s loose shirt didn’t hint at her growing tummy.
“I thought we should talk,” Pam admitted. “Now that I’m here, I don’t know what to say. Except maybe that I want to be the person you thought I was. Before. I want to be friends.”
Zoe didn’t look convinced. “Is this because of me or because of Steven?”
So she knew they weren’t speaking? Of course—Steven would have told her what was going on.
Pam never thought she would be one of those mothers who resented her children forming intimate connections. For a second she remembered when she’d been the one Steven had run to so she could brush away his tears and fix whatever was wrong. Those days were long gone. He was a man now, with a man’s heart. One he’d obviously given to Zoe.
“Can I say both?” she asked quietly.
Zoe smiled. “I appreciate your honesty. Come on in.”
They went out onto her patio. Pam spotted Mason sunning himself by a raised garden bed. She set her little dog down and Lulu trotted over to inspect the feline. Mason opened an eye, then closed it. Lulu glanced back at Pam, then inched closer to Mason and collapsed next to him.
“And here I was expecting drama,” Zoe admitted. “So much for dogs and cats not getting along.”
“Lulu’s pretty well socialized. It takes a lot to rattle her.”
They sat on chairs in the shade.
“How are you feeling?” Pam asked. “Any morning sickness?”
“Not really. I had a few days of reacting to different smells, but that’s gone. So far things are easy.” She held up crossed fingers. “I’m hoping it stays that way.”
“You’re through the worst of it. After about twelve weeks the hormones calm down. I always assumed they were too busy growing the baby to bother with me.”
“I like that idea.”
A Million Little Things (Mischief Bay, #3)
Susan Mallery's books
- A Christmas Bride
- Just One Kiss
- Chasing Perfect (Fool's Gold #1)
- Almost Perfect (Fool's Gold #2)
- Sister of the Bride (Fool's Gold #2.5)
- Finding Perfect (Fool's Gold #3)
- Only Mine (Fool's Gold #4)
- Only Yours (Fool's Gold #5)
- Only His (Fool's Gold #6)
- Only Us (Fool's Gold #6.1)
- Almost Summer (Fool's Gold #6.2)