“I don’t know.”
“I did. I used to think about it all the time. As soon as I turned eighteen, I’d move out and be one of those strong, independent women who never cries.”
“You’re already one of those people who never cries.” I mean, even when she won the spelling bee in middle school and Amy Flowers got jealous and poured her milk over her head, Emerald didn’t cry. If it weren’t for those red blotches that broke out on her neck, I wouldn’t have even known she was upset.
“I do cry. I probably cry once a week.”
“Seriously?”
“Well, not in front of anyone, but yes. Why are you so shocked? Everyone cries, Adam.”
“Not me.” She looks up and grins the way she did when I said I got into a fight with Marcus. “I’m not trying to be a badass. I just don’t. My mom told me that even when I was a baby I didn’t. She said I was always happy.”
She lowers her head again, and I feel her soft laugh against my chest. “That sounds about right.”
“So what’d you get from your mom?”
“I don’t know yet. I won’t see her until tomorrow. She’s with her boyfriend.”
“Seriously?” My mom would go insane if she couldn’t see me on my birthday.
“It’s fine. The people I wanted most were here.”
“Well, except for Brett, right?” Apparently he had some flight test he couldn’t get out of. “Sucks that he couldn’t come.”
“Yeah…I don’t know. I know it’s not really long distance, but sometimes I’m not sure it’s worth it.”
If I were with someone who was beautiful and brilliant and amazing, an hour drive would be nothing. “If someone really matters to you, it’s worth it.”
She shifts away from me and leans back against the couch.
“I probably need to go,” I say. “I told my mom I’d be home by two, and I’m already an hour late. I can’t even call her, because I lost my freakin phone again.” I hop up. “Have you seen Julian?”
I open the sliding glass door in the living room, zipping up my coat against the cold, and finally find him outside on Emerald’s trampoline.
“You gonna jump or just lie on that thing?” I ask, climbing up and hopping a couple times. He starts laughing in a way that tells me he’s drunk. “Hey, I thought I told you—” He looks up at me with giant worried mouse eyes. “Forget it.”
Emerald steps outside, wrapped in a thick gray blanket. She climbs up to sit next to us, and I mouth the word drunk. She laughs.
“Julian.” I nudge him. “Time to go.”
He starts to hum, but other than that he ignores me.
“I can walk you home,” Emerald says.
“Walk us home?”
“It’s a nice night.”
“It’s snowing.”
“I don’t want my birthday to be over yet.” A few strands of her hair have come undone and are falling into her eyes. I want to touch them, push them back into place.
“Okay.” I hop to the ground and give her my hand. “Walk us home.”
I jostle Julian’s shoe. “Julian,” I say. He blinks up at me. “Let’s go.”
For once he doesn’t flinch away when I come too close, doesn’t seem to mind that Emerald and I loop our arms with his to keep him upright. Soon the three of us are sliding down the snowy sidewalk together.
“You should just carry him,” Emerald suggests when he stumbles for the third time.
“No,” he mumbles. “Wanna walk.”
“You heard him,” I say.
He trips again, makes me lose my balance, and my feet slide wide apart—like Bambi on ice. I manage to pull them back together while Emerald laughs, a sound that echoes likes a bell. Linked and tripping over moonlit ice, I feel a rush of happiness so strong my legs fill up with energy and I just want to run.
“Do you see?” Julian whispers.
“See what?” I ask.
“My breath.” He exhales heavily. A small cloud fills the air. “Do you see it?”
“I see it.”
“I’m real.”
“Yes,” I agree. “You’re real.”
We tiptoe into my dark house, and at this point we’re practically dragging Julian to my bed. He topples over onto his back and starts humming again while I tug off his cracked sneakers. Emerald looks down at him with amused affection. She and Julian both have snow-flushed cheeks and wet hair.
“Wait,” Julian says, his eyes just foggy slits as I throw a blanket on top of him. “You didn’t ask.”
“Ask what?” I say.
“How many. You didn’t ask how many.”
“Okay, how many?”
He smiles and closes his eyes. “Ten…thousand…stars.”
I WAKE WITH a start, still dressed in Adam’s clothes. My head aches and feels a little bit cloudy, but I try to shake it away. Russell. If he came home last night…
And if he knows I didn’t…
I find my sneakers on the floor, tug them on as fast as I can, and rush into the hall.