Twenty-three
The man owned a pushcart like the ones people used in the parking lot to ferry food and children to their cars, but he had no children and most of what he stuffed into the cart in plastic bags was not food. “Go for a walk,” the man would say nearly every day, loading everything off the sidewalk into the cart. I longed to walk, to get away up into the hills, but we rarely went far. Usually we would stroll up the street to a flat yard with pieces of plastic and metal in it strewn across the soil, and I would squat to do Do Your Business and then we would return to the place by the wall where he would spread his blankets. Next to the wall was a metal fence, and when the man would leave me he would tie me there. Most of the time he went across the street to one of several buildings—one smelled of food, and one smelled of nothing I could detect except people and boxes. When he emerged from this second place he would be carrying a glass bottle and when he cracked it open the pungent tang reminded me of Sylvia.
Mostly we just sat. The man would talk to me almost constantly, repeating my name every so often but mostly just droning words I did not recognize.
“I am not stupid. I know what you did to me. I know who you are. But these are my thoughts!” he would say repeatedly. “They are not in charge. I am in charge. Cease transmission.”
When people approached, the man would quiet himself. “Just need money for my dog,” he would say softly. “Need to buy food for her.” People would stop to pet me and talk to me but none of them untied me. Many times they would drop things into a small can and the man would say “Thank you.”
Several of the people said the word “Axel,” and after a time I knew that was the man’s name. Axel.
Why Axel slept on the sidewalk and not in his house, I did not know. He seemed very lonely—he needed a friend the way Gavin had Taylor. But no one who stopped to talk acted like that sort of friend, even if they were nice.
At first I only wanted to get away from Axel, to get back to Go Home. But then I came to understand that Axel needed comfort, just as Mack and my other friends at Go to Work needed me. At night, Axel wrestled with people I could not see, shouting at them, squirming in his bed, his fear strong on his sweat. When I put my head on his chest I could feel his heart pound. But then, when his hand found my fur, his fevered agitation would quiet, and his breathing would slow.
I liked Axel. He talked to me all day and told me I was a good dog. After living with Sylvia, it was nice to receive so much attention. I felt very important when I was with Axel.
I wanted so much to do Go Home, but I knew I was doing what Lucas would want, just as taking care of Big Kitten was what he would have wanted. More than anything, more even than Go Home, Lucas wanted me to be a good dog. And I was never more of a good dog than when I provided comfort for a scared person or kitten who needed it. It was my job.
Nights were getting colder, so something else I could do was keep Axel warm by pressing up against him. I also alerted him when a car pulled up in the street and two men slid out of the front seat. I had met their kind before: they had heavy, odd-smelling objects on their hips—police. I associated them with the truck with the outdoor crates that came to take me away from Lucas. I cringed at their approach, and Axel woke up.
“Hey, Axel,” one of them said, kneeling down. “When did you get a dog?” He held out his hand toward me but I did not approach, not trusting this man.
“Found her. Abandoned,” Axel replied curtly.
“Huh. Well, you sure she’s okay? Doesn’t seem very friendly.”
“Bella. Say hi to Officer Mendez.”
“It’s okay, Bella,” said the man with the outstretched hand. I sniffed his fingers, wagging a little, wary that he might grab for my collar. “My name is Tom.”
“How can we assist you today, officer?” Axel asked.
“Don’t be like that, Axel. You know my name is Tom.”
“Tom.”
It seemed the nice police’s name was Tom. Tom’s friend stood back, writing something down.
“So Axel, winter’s right around the corner. Have you thought about what I said, going back to Denver? We’re still willing to drive you. I think it’s a really good idea.”
“What about my dog?” Axel asked.
“She could go. Of course.” Tom nodded agreeably.
“And then what?”
Tom shrugged. “Well, look. You could go back to the VA—”
“I’m not doing that,” Axel interrupted calmly. “Last time I was there they tried to take my blood.”
“It’s a hospital, Axel.”
“Hospital. Hospitality. Yet there are people in there who have never been tried, never convicted, who can’t get out. They’re hooked up to medical amplifiers that interface with the Internet via TCP/IP protocols. Why do you suppose they do that? An electrophysiological monitor provides two-way transmission to the Web, and that doesn’t seem suspicious to you? The World Wide Web?”
Tom was quiet for a moment. “We just don’t have any way to help you here. No one can live outside in the winter, not here, it’s just too cold. And Gunnison doesn’t have the facilities, and you won’t let any of the charities assist you.”
“They all want the same thing from me,” Axel said flatly.
“Everyone cares about you, Axel. You served our country. You helped us, and now we want to help you.”
Axel pointed at the sky. “Do you know that at any given moment you have three satellites triangulating you? But their algorithms won’t work on me because I live at random. I am off the pattern. I am not on the grid. I won’t eat their genetically modified food.”
“Okay…” Tom started to say.
“When you go to a coffee shop they want your name, did you ever stop to think why? Why do they need your name? For a cup of coffee? And they put it into their computer? That’s just one of a thousand ways you are being tracked.” Axel was speaking rapidly and I could feel him getting anxious and I nosed his hand to let him know I was right there.
“Are you using again, Axel?” Tom asked softly.
Axel looked away. Now he felt furious. I nosed him again. I just wished he would be happy.
“Well.” The nice police stood. I wagged, understanding from his motion that he would not try to take me with him. “Keep in mind what I said, Axel. I can’t make you get help, but I wish you would see how much people care. If you try to live outside all winter, you and your dog will die. Please, please think about it.” He reached in his pocket and put something in the can. “Take it easy, Axel.”
*