Dutch seemed resolved to the same conclusion I had come to, which was that Gavin and Taylor were never coming back. I was fond of both men, but for me, their absences just made me ache for Lucas all the more—until I was able to do Go Home, the people in my life would keep changing, moving in and out as people do. For Dutch, though, his sadness left him without energy. When all the kittens were gone and it was just Chloe, traipsing past the dog within leash distance, Dutch’s eyes flickered but he didn’t even bother to get to his feet. He just wanted to lie still, day after day, under the table in the searing heat and then, as the air cooled, he would sprawl in a patch of sunlight a short distance away.
Other than the cats and the weather there were no changes. Sylvia never let us out of the gate, never threw a ball, but she fed us and talked to us and let us sleep wherever we wanted in the house at night. For whatever reason, Dutch did not want Sylvia to be his person, though he would wag when she had us do Sit for treats.
I was surprised when Dutch suddenly lurched to his feet, showing more energy than he had in many, many days. I watched him curiously as he went to the gate and sat; he had not done that in a long time.
I yawned and stood up, shaking myself off. His sudden change from drowsy dog to being so completely alert puzzled me.
Dutch whined. I went over to sniff him curiously, but he didn’t react to me; he was focused on the gate.
I sat and scratched my ear. That morning there had been steam rising from the pool, but otherwise, I could think of nothing different. Chloe spent most of her time sleeping under her chair in the living room and was there now.
Dutch started wagging his tail. I heard a car stop, a door open, and then came a voice at the same time I smelled the person. “Dutch! Bella!”
Gavin. Gavin had come back.
Gavin pushed open the gate and Dutch tackled him, whimpering, jumping up and licking him. “Whoa! Good boy! Down! I missed you, too!”
In that moment I understood that Gavin was Dutch’s person, just as Lucas was mine.
“Hey, Bella!”
I went to Gavin, wagging, and he stroked my fur, kissing me on the nose. “Oh, I missed you so, so much.” He straightened. “Hi, Mom.”
I was less surprised to hear Gavin mention Mom than I had been the first time. Sylvia had come out. She was smoking and had one of her sharp-smelling drinks in her hand. “Where’s your boyfriend?”
“Husband. Taylor’s my husband, Mom.”
“Sure.”
“Are you … what’s wrong?” Gavin went to kiss her and then stepped back. “Wow, Mom, it’s not even noon.”
“Don’t start. You have no idea what’s been going on. Mike stole my checkbook again and now I’m in trouble for NSF, like that’s reasonable.”
“Mike’s back?”
“God no, I told him I would get a restraining order again. I don’t know how he got his hands on the checks. He might have taken them from my car because when I lost my keys I decided not to lock it anymore.”
“Okay.”
Dutch was sitting patiently at Gavin’s feet, ready for a car ride or a walk or a nap. I sniffed the air, smelling Taylor faintly, but I knew he wasn’t close by.
“You guys ready to go home?” Gavin asked us.
I whipped my head up and stared at Gavin. Go Home?
“First thing tomorrow,” Gavin said.
Sylvia went to sit down in a chair and it nearly toppled over. Gavin grabbed her arm.
“I’m okay!” she snapped.
“Yes, I know, sorry. Just trying to help,” Gavin said apologetically. There was a little sadness in his voice.
Sylvia sipped her drink. “You have to leave tomorrow?”
“Well, there’s just so much to do. We thought we had everything organized before we left—you know Taylor, he plans everything—but there’s a lot of stuff we need to tend to. How were the dogs?”
“It was nice to have them around. Scared Mike off,” Sylvia replied.
“Maybe you should get a dog,” Gavin observed.
Dutch and I glanced at each other at the word “dog.”
“I actually would prefer Bella. She doesn’t bark. Dutch keeps harassing Chloe.”
There was a long silence. “Mom? I’m not sure … you mean you would want to keep Bella?”
“Of the two, yes.”
“Oh. Huh. That never occurred to me,” Gavin replied.
*
That night Dutch and I slept with Gavin down the hallway from Sylvia’s room. Dutch kept nosing Gavin’s hand, wanting more strokes, while I curled up at his feet and drowsily listened to him talk to us with his phone pressed to his face.
“I hate it, too, but we do owe her,” he said. “And I would feel safer, knowing she had Bella here to protect her.”
I glanced up at my name. Gavin listened for a moment. “No,” he chuckled, “this isn’t a ploy, though it might give you something to look forward to when we do visit.” I put my head down. “I think they’ll both be okay, I really do. Bella is Bella—always content no matter where she is.”
I closed my eyes, ignoring the repetition of my name. Go Home. That’s all I could think of. I was tired of being here and just wanted to finally do Go Home. It was a pain, a hunger, and I took Gavin’s return as a sign I would soon be on my way to Lucas.
*
The next morning Gavin put things in his car and Dutch followed on his heels, sitting expectantly at the front door whenever he went outside. “Don’t worry, Dutch, you’re going home with me,” Gavin said soothingly, petting Dutch on the head.
Sylvia came out of her room, blowing a cloud of smoke into the air. “Snowing up in the mountains yet?”
“Not yet. Roads will be clear the whole way. Mom, I can’t thank you enough for taking care of the dogs while we were gone. I really, really appreciate it.”
Sylvia looked at him for a long moment. “I’m not a great mother.”
“Oh, Mom…”
“I mean, I knew I wouldn’t be, and I never intended to have kids, I just kept getting pregnant. But I’m trying to, to do better. To be better at it. I regret … things.”
Gavin went over and gave Sylvia a hug. While he embraced her she lifted her cigarette to her mouth over his shoulder.
“I should have gone to your wedding, Gavin. I know I had to show up for the subpoena and blah blah but that was really just an excuse to get out of it. That was a mistake. We’re family, you and me and Taylor and sometimes your sister.”
“I know it was hard for you, Mom. It’s okay.”
“I didn’t understand about the gay thing but I’ve been watching television and realize what I was taught growing up isn’t right. You are my son and I’m proud of you.”
They hugged each other some more. She sucked on the cigarette and it flared and dumped more smoke into the air.
“So.” Gavin took in a deep breath. “What you said about Bella. I talked to Taylor, and he agrees it’s a good idea.”
“What is?”
“Bella.”
“Bella?”
I heard my name and wondered what it meant.
“She can stay here.”
“Stay here,” Sylvia repeated.
“Right. We hate to separate them, and we’ll miss her, but like I told you, Dutch and Bella just sort of showed up at the same moment—they were never together before that. They’re not a dog family.”
“What are you saying?” she asked blankly.
“Sorry?”
“You want Bella to stay here?”
I heard “Bella” and “stay” so I sat.
“Right. That’s what you want, right?”
“No. Of course not.” Sylvia blew smoke.
“Mom, you asked me yesterday if you could keep Bella.”
“I said no such thing. I said she was a good dog. Plays with Chloe. I have been stuck here for half a year because of these dogs. I’d like to travel, maybe go to Bloomfield.”