But it was more than that, and he knew it. It was more than simple courtesy on his part. Even though he had made this curious pact with Emmeline Fitzgerald, even though she had readily agreed to continue on a path to a life without love, still he knew he felt more. So much, in fact, that he could not take Felicity into his arms.
His moment of weakness, or near weakness, had been nothing more than sentiment. He realized, as he stood looking at Felicity that it had been some weeks since he had thought of her betrayal at all, and even when he had, he had not suffered the searing pain of its initial blow. And, as much as it pained him to quietly admit, he knew the reason. His affections, his attraction, no longer lay with Felicity, but with Emmeline Fitzgerald.
And that knowledge had hit him like a thunderbolt. That realization upended him, and he knew, without a doubt, that he might well be on his way to experiencing betrayal once again, especially if Emmeline chose, in the end, to accept her cousin’s proposal of marriage.
Not for the first time, Hunter stood in silence and wondered why it was that life and matters of the heart were so very difficult to navigate. Why could the thing not be simple?
“I do not wish to upset you, particularly today,” Hunter said a little sarcastically. “But I do not see how it can be avoided. I cannot possibly tell what it is you expect from me at this moment, Felicity. I cannot see a reason for you to have stopped me today and held me back from my carriage when there are so many other people here who would wish to pass their condolences to you.”
“I care nothing for their condolences,” Felicity said, her voice growing a little shrill.
“That is ungracious,” Hunter said and felt somewhat disgusted. “These last weeks, I have not been a firm supporter of the Duke of Galcross, that is true. And with good reason, as you well know. But today, at least, I am here to pay my final respects to him, as is the due of almost every being in this world. But you, you who had chosen to marry him, cannot even accept kind condolences for his passing. Truly, I think this meeting is at a close, Felicity.” He turned to walk away from her, stayed only by her small, white hand on his arm.
“You have every right to be angry, of course you do. I can only hope that one day you will come to see how your disappearance to Scotland made me feel.”
“I did not disappear, and I think it unlikely that I shall ever understand such selfishness and vanity that would lead a woman into so great a tantrum that she would marry somebody else for spite and spite alone.”
“I did not marry out of spite; I married out of sadness.”
“You had no reason to be sad, Felicity. I was coming back. I was always going to come back. The only reason for your own disquiet was that my dear father did not die soon enough for your liking.”
“Hunter, what a dreadful thing to say.”
“It is dreadful, truly dreadful. But it is true, is it not?”
“I cannot believe that everything that was so wonderful and loving between us has come to this. Hunter, all I ask is that you think back on the days before all of this happened. Think back to the times when you and I were happy, safe in the knowledge that we would one day be man and wife.”
“Until you chose to change it.”
“I made a mistake, Hunter. I cannot deny that, nor would I seek to. I made a foolish, dreadful mistake, and for that, I apologize. But please do not let that ruin the rest of our lives. We have been given an opportunity to put things right again.”
“An opportunity? You see your husband’s death as an opportunity?” Hunter shook his head bitterly. “But perhaps that is in keeping with the marriage you chose to make. After all, was that not merely an opportunity to an ambitious young woman like you?”
“That you would insult me, Hunter, hurts me more than I can say.”
“Forgive me; I should not have spoken so. But Felicity, you must understand that the words I speak come straight from my heart.”
“Hearts can heal, Hunter. Hearts can heal, and they can forgive, especially a heart like yours,” she said, her voice gently pleading. “I beg you, please at least consider it.”
“Consider what, precisely?”
“Consider waiting for me, Hunter. Consider the love we once had and consent to wait these twelve months until my period of mourning is over, and I am free to marry again.”
“You really mean it; you really expect that I will marry you twelve months from now,” Hunter said in disbelief.
“I shall not give up on you, Hunter. I made a mistake, but all is not lost. I did not, for a moment, ever stop loving you. If anything, my stupidity has shown me that I love you even more than I had ever imagined. In truth, I think I cannot live without you. We are meant to be together, Hunter, we always were. Do not answer me yet, for the thing must be thought through. But promise me you will think back to the love we once shared and the dreams we once held onto, and think only of those. Do not think of what happened in between. Just think of what was and what might be again and then come to me; come to me and tell me that you love me still, that you and I will be together as we always should have been.”
“I shall leave you now, Felicity,” Hunter said with a bow.
“But please do not go without at least telling me that you will think on it,” she said, her voice thick with emotion.
“I shall think on it,” Hunter said and turned to solemnly make his way back to the carriage.
In the event, he had given Algernon every syllable of the exchange which had taken place between him and Felicity that day. Algernon had sat in stunned silence throughout the entire thing, and Hunter lightly amused himself, albeit inappropriately, that it was the longest he had known his cousin to go without speaking.
“Good Lord,” Algernon said finally after downing his sherry in one tremendous gulp. “Good Lord,” he repeated and rose to pour himself another.
“Yes, most unexpected.”
“As stunned as I am, at her words, at any rate, I am not at all surprised by the sentiment. I must tell you, Cousin that the moment I heard of the sad demise of the Duke of Galcross, I knew what was coming. I knew that she would look to you once again.”
“But she does not need my protection, even when the Duchy goes to the nearest male heir. She will still be the Dowager, she will still be provided for. She does not need me.”
“So, you have it in your head that she wants you but does not need you. But I would tell it differently, Cousin. That woman needs you because she could not possibly be alone. She could not be a widow so young and forego so much in life. Please do not be led to believe that she really does love you as she claims to, for I would not believe it.”
“I know you do not like her, Algernon, and I do not blame you for that.”
“Please tell me you are not considering it.” Algernon looked dumbfounded.
“And what do you think I should do?”
“I think you should marry Emmeline Fitzgerald. I think you should continue with your original plan, albeit I think you should make a few alterations to the original sketches, as it were.”