His hand goes to the back of my neck, just below my hairline. “You called yourself my girlfriend.”
Ohmigod. I did. “That just slipped out. I didn’t mean to assume, er, that we were . . . that you are my . . .” I try to breathe for his sake. “We haven’t used that word, or even talked about it. I’ve just been rolling along, being all grateful that I haven’t had some crazy meltdown and that you haven’t figured out that you could probably have more fun with someone whose past isn’t a battlefield of trauma. So, that word just slipped out. That’s all.”
“I want you to be my girlfriend. I don’t want nameless, undefined, figuring-it-out stuff. We’re past that. And you just proved it.”
I ease in and whisper on his lips. “So, you’re my boyfriend, then.”
“Yes.”
“Another first for me.” I can almost taste him.
“How’s it feel?” Esben’s mouth barely touches mine, and, for just a second, his tongue runs over my lips.
“So, so good.” I take him by the collar and pull him over me as I drop against the bed.
Esben props himself onto his elbows and holds his chest above me so that he’s at the perfect height to sink his tongue into my mouth and kiss me with an intensity that nearly knocks the wind out of me. And I can’t get enough. His fingers knot into my hair while our kissing continues, and I drink in the flavor of him—and of us. Intuitively, my leg goes over his, and I realize that I’m tightening our fit together, that I’m comfortable enough to do that. There’s a full-body urge that sweeps through me, a heat and a longing that are new. For a moment, I am lost in our closeness and how the weight of his chest and waist pressed into mine is not nearly enough.
Except that it is. As much as I want so much more, he’s right. I am not ready. Not at all.
Maybe I’ve tensed or otherwise signaled him—I don’t know—but Esben rolls onto his side, his mouth never leaving mine, reassuring me. He paces our kissing, sometimes gentle and teasing and sometimes escalating the heat between us before bringing us back down again in a kind of blissful torture. Just because I haven’t made out like this before doesn’t mean that I don’t know how good he is. He’s got me in a safe place, one I believe, without a doubt, is enough for him. He’s enjoying this as much as I am.
It occurs to me that this boy has not faltered once in the time that I’ve known him. Not on any level. I reach my hand up, touch his chest, feel the muscles in his shoulder, and then run my palm down his arm, over the bracelets he always has on, and then I set his hand on my hip. The truth is that I’m feeling a little drugged, a little out of my own head right now. I keep moving his hand until it’s under the hem of my shirt.
Esben rubs his nose against mine. “Allison?”
I can’t help but arch my back a little. “You said . . . you said there was a spectrum.”
“There is, yes.”
“Show me,” I tell him.
“I didn’t mean you had to investigate that spectrum two seconds after I mentioned it.”
“I know you didn’t.” I slide his hand over my stomach, then up to just under my rib cage. “But the spectrum . . . it means we could do something and then not do other things . . .”
“It does.”
“And you can . . . stop?”
He smiles. “Of course. Allison, of course. Any guy who’s not a complete asshole would stop. We’re not machines that get activated and then can’t be shut down. I just want you to be comfortable, okay?”
“How can you be this . . .” I look into his eyes. “How can you be this everything?”
“Let’s be clear here. I’m not saying that this is all a total breeze for me, because you’re pretty damn hot, and I would love to be tearing your clothes off, and I’ll probably have to take, like, forty cold showers later today.” His grin is both mischievous and utterly sweet. “But you know what feels better than anything physical?” Esben looks at me for a long time. “How it feels to be falling for someone the way that I’m falling for you.”
Esben could not possibly slay me more than this. He’s making me want and hope for things I’ve never allowed myself to even dream about. “I was already so comfortable with you . . .”
“Yeah? Good.”
“And now . . .” I want to feel his hand against my skin. “Now even more so.”
“Again, good. But that doesn’t mean we have to rush anything.” Yet he lets me nudge his hand to make sure he moves higher. Which he does. And the moment that my breast is under his touch, his mouth goes to the side of my neck—
Both of us jolt at the pounding on the door. The pounding that very quickly becomes incessant.
“Esben! Esben!” A male voice booms through the door.
“Baby Blue, you better be in there!” Kerry says loudly.
“We’ve got a situation!” Another male voice.
Esben sighs and drops his head against me. “Really? Now?” he whispers. “Maybe they’ll go away.”
The hollering outside the room increases.
I laugh and reluctantly remove his hand from under my shirt. “I don’t think so.”
He grumbles, but climbs over me, kissing me quickly. “You ready to meet the boys?” he asks before going to see what’s so urgent.
“I guess so.” I sit and smooth down my hair.
He swings open the door and barks at the people behind it. “This better be goddamn important.”
Kerry and two guys push past him. “Hey, Allison!” She sits on one side of me, and one of the boys plops down on the other.
He’s a big guy, tall and very muscular, with black hair peeking out from under his baseball hat and a harmonica hanging around his neck. He grins at me and puts out a hand. “So you’re the famous Allison, huh? Very nice to finally meet you. I’m Danny.”
I smile back and shake his hand. “Hi, Danny.”
He reaches out and delicately adjusts the top of my shirt, which was evidently hanging off my shoulder. “Sorry to interrupt.” He winks before sticking the harmonica in his mouth and blowing out a few sultry notes.
“Hey, I’m Jason!” the second guy says and waves from his spot by the door. I try not to gape. While not quite as tall as Danny, Jason is even brawnier than his friend, and just as good-looking. The white T-shirt he’s wearing contrasts strikingly with his dark skin, and his angular face makes me think he should be modeling and not studying liberal arts.
“Okay, what’s so important?” This is the first time that I’ve seen Esben look truly irritated, and I can’t help but be flattered.