“Then why are you making me do this?”
Mika runs a brush through my hair. “Because Sam asked for this. It isn’t often we get requests from people who’ve passed away, you know? I think it’s important to honor it, if we can.”
I never thought of it this way. Maybe because I don’t like to think of Sam as dead. The word alone sends chills through me. I don’t know how Mika speaks about it so easily. I think back to Sam’s picture on her living room cupboard. “Is that a cultural thing? Always honoring the dead like that, I mean.”
“You could say that,” she says. “It’s also a family thing. A cousin thing. I mean, if you could do one last thing for him, why wouldn’t you?”
“I suppose…”
“But I get it,” she says, setting the brush down. “It’s a strange request. Especially for you. But it’s also a small one. I don’t think he’s asking for too much.”
I think about this. “I guess you’re right.”
Mika looks at me in the mirror, moving my hair behind my ears. “And after last night, I think you need to do this for yourself.” I drop my gaze, unable to meet her eyes. “You can’t hold on to Sam forever, Julie,” she whispers. “You have to let him move on, too. This isn’t good for you. And I don’t know if it’s good for him, either.”
Once Mika finishes up my hair, I check my phone. It’s a quarter to seven. If I don’t leave the house right now, I might miss Tristan’s screening entirely. Mika helps me get dressed, and we hurry downstairs.
“You sure you don’t want me to walk you there?” Mika asks as we put our shoes on at the door. Her house is the opposite direction from the university where the festival is being held. I know she wants to make sure I go, but she shouldn’t worry. I’m not going to back out this time. I’m going to keep my promise to Sam. After all, this needs to be my decision.
“I’ll be fine,” I say. “You don’t have to wait.”
I let Mika go home first so that she doesn’t follow me there. After I make sure the candles are blown out, I hurry out of the house. As I’m locking the door, I spot Dan, our next-door neighbor, crossing the lawn toward me, waving something in his hand.
“Some mail got delivered by mistake,” he says. He hands me a stack of envelopes. “Stopped by the other day, but no one answered.”
“Oh—thank you.”
As soon as he goes, I head back inside to leave the stack on the kitchen table for my mom, but then I remember something. I know I should check later, but curiosity gets the best of me. I go through the mail, my heart pounding.
There it is. At the very bottom of the pile. The name REED COLLEGE is printed in red on a white envelope. After all these months of waiting, it’s finally in my hands. Their decision letter. I know I’m running late, but it’s right in front of me and I have to know their answer. My hands are shaking as I tear the letter open, and read what’s inside.
Dear Ms. Julie Clarke, We thank you for your interest in enrolling at Reed College. The Admissions Committee has carefully considered your application and we regret to inform you that we will not be able to offer you admission to the entering class of— My chest sinks before I finish the sentence.
It’s a rejection.
I read the letter again to see if there’s some mistake. But there isn’t. They rejected me. Just like that? After all these months of waiting, that’s it? I have to grab the edge of the counter to keep myself from falling. No wonder it arrived so late. I should have already known. People at school who got in found out weeks ago. How could I be so stupid? All this time, I’ve been making plans for something that was never even an option. Those essays were all a waste of time. And that stupid writing sample I’ve been working on. Why do I do this to myself? Put so much into things only to have them fall apart. I don’t know what to do. I need to talk to someone. I know I’m not supposed to do this, because our next call isn’t scheduled for a few days. But I take out my phone and call Sam anyway. It takes a long time for him to pick up. But eventually he does.
I don’t have to say anything for him to know something’s wrong. He hears it in my breathing. “Julie—what’s the matter?”
“I was rejected!”
“What do you mean? Rejected from what?”
“From Reed College! I just got the letter.”
“Are you sure?”
“Of course I am! It’s in my hand.”
Sam goes quiet for a moment. “Jules, I’m so sorry … I don’t know what to say.”
My heart races as I pace the room. “What am I supposed to do? I really thought I’d get in, Sam. I wasn’t expecting a rejection. I really thought—”
“Breathe,” Sam says. “It’s alright. This isn’t the end of the world. It’s just one rejection from one school. Forget about Reed. It’s their loss.”
“But I really thought I would get in…”