“No,” I say over the clink of dishes and the burble of water from the faucet. “I much prefer obsessing over everything that could go horribly wrong. Besides, catching grammatical errors in PowerPoints is an underrated thrill.”
She chuckles. “My little adrenaline junkie. Seriously, though. Don’t be in such a rush to barrel into adulthood.”
“Why not? You get to do whatever you want. Eat whatever you want. You can even buy a pet,” I point out, blinking away the memory of Mom forgetting to feed my goldfish while I was at summer camp. RIP Herbert.
“Hate to break it to you, but adulthood is just a never-ending cycle of chores, obligations, googling how to fix stuff, and spending money on things you hate. Like sponges and dish detergent.” She gestures vaguely to the sink behind me.
Maybe for you. I don’t say that out loud, though.
“Hey, that stainless steel sponge has done wonders for us. It was a worthwhile investment.”
My statement garners a derisive headshake. “My point is, I spend half the time pretending to know what I’m doing, and the other half ignoring all my problems and hoping they’ll disappear. Spoiler alert: they do not. And don’t even get me started on your body. One minute you’re throwing down chips by the bag, and the next you’re stirring Metamucil into your water and using a heating pad on your back.” She pretends to crack her back for dramatic effect.
“Wow, Mom. Thanks for painting that bleak picture.”
“That’s adulting,” she says with a knowing you’ll see when you’re older shrug.
Filled with optimism for my uncertain future, I grab my backpack by the door. “I’ll take Metamucil and back pain any day over being a teenager with a bedtime. But first—”
“Prom,” Mom finishes.
TWO
Unfortunately, other students aren’t as invested in executing the perfect teenage rite of passage.
Fifteen minutes into the student council prom-planning meeting and our fair president is nowhere to be seen.
Kassie (secretary and my best friend), Ollie (chief of fundraising), and Nori (creative vision) appear unfazed by our leader’s tardiness. Kassie and Nori are too busy hanging on to Ollie’s every word. He always has the latest Maplewood High School tea, which is allegedly “piping hot” today.
“Two kids from drama club got caught hooking up in the weight room this morning,” he explains, bouncing his thick brows suggestively. “Heard it from Coach Tanner.”
Nori perches on the chair like an owl, proverbial popcorn at the ready, layered butter and all. “What kind of hooking up?”
Ollie makes a lewd gesture with his hands, which tells me more than I needed to know.
Kassie gasps, as if she and Ollie haven’t done much worse—like their bathroom rendezvous at my sixteenth birthday party. I haven’t used that bathroom since. “In the weight room? That’s ballsy.”
I snort. “Literally.”
They pass the next twelve minutes sharing other rumors about people boinking on school property (including Principal Proulx’s desk). Meanwhile, I clench my jaw, oversharpen my pencil, and stare at the clock.
I’m about to suggest we begin the meeting without Mr. President when the door whooshes open. Everyone hollers cheerfully, unbothered. Of course they do. Because everybody loves J. T. Renner.
“Track practice went late,” he announces unapologetically as he waltzes in, broad chest puffed out like God can’t touch him. His navy “smedium” T-shirt is working overtime today, fabric taut around his biceps in a thinly veiled effort to accentuate his muscles. Don’t get me wrong, I harbor no ill will toward muscles. As a scrawny nerd with nary an athletic bone in my body, I’m jealous of people who can open water bottle caps with ease and take the stairs without getting winded. I do, however, reserve the right to be petty when those muscles are attached to Renner, whose smug face makes me want to toss myself into a wormhole.
“It’s fine, Renner. It’s not like we have anywhere else to be.” I make my voice sugary sweet as he plunks into the seat beside me, stretching his abnormally long legs under the table. His left sneaker is less than an inch from my mustard patent ballet flat, and I don’t like it one bit.
He shoots me the stink eye—he does this whenever I use his last name. Everyone else calls him J. T. “Did I miss anything important?” he asks, extending a tanned arm to swipe one of the nut-free granola bars I generously supplied.
Because I’m a mature seventeen-year-old, I shift the granola bar pile two inches to the left. If you want it, work for it, sucker. He still manages to get his grubby paws on one without missing a beat.
“We’re only having the most critical meeting to date,” I say primly.
He tears the granola bar wrapper open like a chimpanzee as he conducts a stony inspection of my turtleneck T-shirt and matching plaid skirt. “Nice outfit, Char. Diarrhea green really is your color.”
“Thanks. I wore it to match your eyes,” I retort. For the record, my shirt is olive green.
Nori waves her hand like a wand, casting a pretend hex to dissolve the tension. “Guys, I have a FaceTime with my energy healer in forty minutes. Let’s get started.”
Ollie turns to a crisp, fresh page in his notebook. “Let’s go over the budget after our projected ticket sales,” he starts, barely suppressing a giggle when Kassie fondles his thigh under the table.
It was inevitable Kassie would fall for Ollie, a certified hottie (picture Michael B. Jordan but twenty years younger), on the first day of ninth grade. One look at his broad linebacker shoulders and her crush on Renner was but a distant memory.
A bit of important history: Kassie and Renner first met at a beach volleyball charity tournament a few days before high school started. A hot yet meaningless makeout against a tree ensued. But the moment Kassie met Ollie, she promptly forgot about Renner’s dopey Noah Centineo vibe, his seafoam-green eyes (that sadly don’t resemble diarrhea), and his tousled, wavy locks that look like shaved chocolate.
I’m aware this paints an enticing picture of Renner. But it’s just pure fact that he looks like the love child of all the great rom-com jocks. His superpower is bewitching people with his puppy-dog eyes and constant, gleaming smile. It’s straight-up sorcery, if you ask me.
There’s just something off about people who smile too much. From the get-go, I had a sneaking suspicion he was too good to be true. And he proved me right.
Let me take you back four years to the first week of freshman year. For a total of four and a half days, I may have developed a microscopic crush on Renner (as I said, sorcery). He sat in front of me first period. Every day, he’d turn around, flash me his perfect teeth, and ask to borrow one of my many pencils. I went through an entire package of mechanical pencils in one week, but it was my favorite moment each day.
One morning, instead of asking for a pencil, he slipped me a note that read, Homecoming? Circle Yes or No.
Containing my excitement was a task. Inside I was doing mental cartwheels and air-punches. But on the outside, I just lowered my chin in a controlled nod and circled Yes.
I regretted being so trigger happy when I told Kassie after class, neck spiking with heat at her blatantly unreadable expression.
“I can totally go back and tell him no,” I offered meekly, leaning against the banister for support. “I know I should have asked you first. I just thought you’d be cool with it now that you’re with Ollie. But I get it since you hooked up with him and—”