She pressed her finger to his mouth. “I trust you with my coffee,” she said. “I was just trying to say that you not being comfortable with a secret relationship makes total sense, especially after what you dealt with from your family. I’m sorry I didn’t see that.”
“Well,” he said. “Yeah. That’s part of it. But also—you’re important to me, Lauren. I understand your concerns about keeping things professional, but I don’t know how long I can hide that.”
“I know,” she said. “And I’m sorry I said all that stuff about your job. I was way out of line. I just think you’re so talented, and—”
He shook his head, not wanting to hear her go too far down that road of beating herself up about something he’d needed to hear. “You weren’t wrong,” he said. “I felt comfortable at Cold World. I didn’t want anything to change. But ultimately, that’s not what’s best for me. It’s time to move on.”
“Oh!” she said, biting her lip. “Then maybe this is an awkward time to tell you . . . Dolores actually cornered me yesterday. Apparently there’s some grant she thinks could help save Cold World? She wanted our help in putting the application together.”
“Lauren,” he said, bracing his hands on either side of her head against the door. “I really don’t give a fuck about Cold World right now.”
“Sorry,” she said. “I got off track.”
He could tell she was affected by his proximity, the way her chest rose and fell, the way the pulse at the hollow in her throat fluttered. “May I?”
She nodded, even though he didn’t know that she knew what she was agreeing to, and he dipped his head to kiss the line of her jaw. “So let’s get back on track. You were saying?”
“Just that I want to be with you,” she said, sighing as his hand settled at her waist, his mouth next to her ear. “And I don’t want to hide it anymore.”
“Thank god,” he said, giving her earlobe a tug with his teeth. “Because I don’t think I can keep my hands to myself in public.”
As if prompted, she placed her hand over his at her waist, holding it more firmly there. She pulled back a bit, as much as she could with the door there, and looked him in the eye. “I love you,” she said. “I really do love you, Asa Williamson. I don’t quite know when I started, but I know I haven’t stopped.”
“Well, I know right when I started,” he said. “It was somewhere around that first Christmas party, when you said you wanted to cancel Secret Santa.”
He’d bent his head to kiss her and felt her smile against his mouth. “It was not.”
“Don’t argue with me about my own experience.”
“But you didn’t act like you even liked me until . . . I don’t know, but it was definitely after that.”
“What can I say, I’m a clown.”
She full-out laughed then, and the sound was so pure and wonderful, Asa had to lean his forehead against hers, just grateful to be holding her again at all. Through the door, he could hear the haunting tones of a slow, sad song, and it took him a second to place it.
“Lauren?”
“Mmm.”
“Did you just . . . find a playlist where all the songs had ‘party’ in the title?”
Her eyelids flew open, and she looked up at him. “That’s exactly what I did. Why?”
He pushed away from the door, reaching down to take her hand. “Let’s just say ‘When the Party’s Over’ by Billie Eilish is a good song to play only when, you know, the party’s over. We better get back out there before it takes a turn.”
“Do we have to?”
He pulled her closer until he could press a kiss to her hair. “I love you, Lauren. Which is why I want you to have the best New Year’s Eve party possible. And then I love you so much I want every single person out of here five seconds after midnight. Deal?”
She smiled up at him. “Deal.”
He opened the door, letting her through first even though she didn’t drop his hand. “See?” he said. “I told you we’d work well together.”
Epilogue
Almost One Year Later
“If there’s a single scratch on it, I swear to god—” John was saying as he retrieved his guitar from the back seat, Elliot standing nearby with their hands in the air, already proclaiming their innocence.
“What good is a case if it can’t protect your guitar on a simple car ride?” Elliot pointed out. “You’re telling me you used to go on tour with this thing? Better invest in some bubble wrap before that concert cruise.”
“What concert cruise?” Lauren said, joining the conversation. Even though she’d moved in with Asa and his housemates six months ago—her lease had been up, and fitting right in their little group had been surprisingly easy—she and Asa had driven to the Cold World holiday party separate from the rest of them. She turned to Asa now, giving his hand a squeeze. “Did you know anything about this?”
“What?” he said. “Oh. No.”
He’d been acting weird all night. She imagined it must feel a little awkward, returning to this place where he’d worked for so long. For close to a year now, he’d worked at a local LGBTQ services center, and he’d started building an online shop where he sold his art. He’d even been commissioned to paint a few murals for local businesses—including the one for the Snow Globe, which he hadn’t let her see yet. He was supposed to show her tonight. Was it possible he was nervous about that?
“You gonna reprise your karaoke performance from last year?” Kiki asked, waggling her eyebrows.
Lauren groaned, but she was smiling. “Please don’t even remind me.”
“Maybe you could sing ‘Let’s—’?” Kiki started, then made an exaggerated oof sound when Asa elbowed her in the side. She pantomimed zipping her mouth and throwing away the key.
“Sorry,” she said. “I’ve been listening to Bleachers a lot.”
Asa held out his hand, and Kiki acted like she was removing more keys from her pockets, around her neck, tucked inside her socks, then reluctantly handing them over. Some of their inside jokes Lauren still didn’t fully get, but she was happy to see Asa grinning by the end of it.
They entered the party, which was still in the chill early stages before the music had started and the real festivities got going. John immediately split off to set up his equipment with the band, and Kiki and Elliot made a beeline for the drinks counter, leaving Asa and Lauren standing in the middle of the lobby. Lauren had kept her job part time at Cold World, after all, while she went back to school, so she was able to introduce Asa to a few new people he wouldn’t know. But he seemed distracted, shaking their hands and saying a perfunctory hello but without the usual easy conversation he was so much better at than her.
“Are you cold?” he asked at one point. “Want me to get your cardigan from your office?”
“I’m good,” she said. The weather outside was balmy, as was common for a Florida winter, but she’d worn a long-sleeved shirt on purpose, knowing how cold they kept Cold World.
“I think I’m cold,” he said. “I’m going to go grab it, if that’s okay.”
“Sure,” she said. Was it possible he was sick? She tried to remember if he’d felt any warmer than usual, but he always felt warm to her. After a minute, he came out of the office area wearing her cream-colored cardigan, oversized on her but fitting him almost perfectly. His hair—now back to his natural brown, a little longer than it had been before—was tousled like he’d been running his hands through it, and her heart skipped a beat.
When he rejoined her, she pulled him in to kiss his cheek, and he blinked down at her. “What was that for?”
“Do I need a reason?” she said. “You’re cute.”
He barely seemed to register the compliment, though, because he had his hand on the small of her back, guiding her through the people. “Let’s check out the Snow Globe now,” he said. “I don’t want to wait.”