“Miss Lauren?”
Eddie had been trying to get her attention for the last thirty seconds, Lauren realized, and she’d been busy staring off into space. “Sorry,” she said, giving him and Ms. Ramirez an apologetic smile. “What was that?”
Ms. Ramirez had completed her parenting classes and been very dedicated to her visitation schedule after that hiccup with the first visit. She saw him twice a week and even though Lauren knew she didn’t have to attend every visit, she genuinely enjoyed spending time with them. That was why Lauren had suggested Eddie and his mom meet her at Cold World to have the day they’d originally planned back when she and Asa had ended up taking Eddie ice skating.
Even thinking about Asa put that pit back in Lauren’s stomach. She’d tried to stop thinking about him, tried to stop always searching for him, seeking him out in every room she was in, but it was impossible. Even now, she was hyperaware that he was back on the rink, skating in lazy circles with his hands behind his back, occasionally stopping to reach a hand down to a kid on the ice. She lived in fear that Eddie would ask to go back out there. How would she beg off?
“I wanted to show my mom the Snow Globe now,” he said, and she should be relieved, that he didn’t seem to have any interest in ice skating. So why did she feel a flutter of disappointment instead?
Lauren looked at her watch. Jolene was supposed to be there in ten minutes to pick Eddie back up, but she was loath to deny this experience if it was what he wanted. “Sure,” she said, gathering up the plastic wrappers from the prepackaged muffins she’d bought them at the coffee stand. “We can do that. Ms. Ramirez?”
Eddie ran ahead toward the Snow Globe, and Lauren expected Ms. Ramirez to be right behind him, but she hung back a bit to talk with Lauren instead.
“I really appreciate all you’ve done for him,” Ms. Ramirez said.
“Oh,” Lauren said. They were passing closer to the ice rink now, and Asa was skating in their direction, his head turned to one side. If he looked over, just once, he’d see—but something caught his attention, and he shifted direction, until he was skating away. Lauren swallowed. “He’s fun to hang out with. He’s a great kid. How’s the job search going?”
Right now, the main sticking points to Ms. Ramirez’s reunification with Eddie were her job situation, and her pending home study, both of which depended on each other to make the other one work out. But Lauren felt gratified that her instincts about Ms. Ramirez had been right—she really cared about her son. And she was doing everything in her power to make a safe home for him to return to, now that she was separated from her abusive ex.
Weirdly, seeing the whole situation from this angle had made Lauren set parts of her own story to rest. Parts she hadn’t even known still bothered her—lingering questions about why her mother didn’t fight for her harder, why the system hadn’t done more to help them. She still felt sad, when she thought about her childhood, but seeing how much flawed, messy humanity was at the heart of all these issues took the edge off the anger she hadn’t even realized she’d been carrying around.
Ms. Ramirez was in the middle of telling her about one promising interview she’d had at an auto supply store when Lauren saw Dolores flagging her down.
“I’m so sorry,” she said. “That’s my boss. I’ll be right here, but—”
Ms. Ramirez waved her on, hurrying a little to catch up with Eddie, who was already inside the Snow Globe. Cold World was experiencing its usual post-Christmas lull, so there weren’t many people there that day despite school being out. Lauren tried to remind herself that was totally normal and expected, but she still couldn’t shake a slight despondency as she thought about the possibility of the entire place shutting down. She kept waiting for some formal statement from Dolores at an all-staff meeting, but it had only been three days since the disastrous presentations.
Three long, excruciating days. Three days where she kept picking up her phone, wanting to text Asa, before remembering that she couldn’t. Three days where she’d cried herself to sleep at night and woken up with her eyes almost swollen shut. Three days where she’d splurged on Starbucks she absolutely didn’t need just to avoid any chance of running into him in the break room. Three days where she wandered into the break room aimlessly, half hoping he’d be there.
“I know you took the afternoon off,” Dolores said now as she approached, “but I had to tell you the news.”
Lauren steeled herself for it. The deal had gone through. The investment group was buying Cold World. There was a promotion in it for her—or there wasn’t. She didn’t really care.
“I took the plans you and Asa came up with to the city,” Dolores said. “They have grants for the arts and educational programs in particular, and they said we’d be a shoo-in for one if we can fill out the paperwork before the January fifteenth deadline. I know you have classes starting up, but I was hoping you and Asa might be available to help?”
Of all the things Dolores might say, Lauren hadn’t expected that. She felt a surge of hope before remembering that there was no her and Asa anymore. “Um,” she said, not wanting to turn Dolores down but not knowing what else she could say. “That seems like good news at least? That we might get a grant?”
“I did a lot of thinking after you all left my office that day,” Dolores said. “There are a lot of adjustments that could be made—including about Daniel. He’s my son and I love him, but you’re right, he was a drag on the payroll.”
Okay, of all the things she could’ve said, that was actually the most shocking. “Really?”
“I want to talk to you more about that comment you made as you left,” Dolores said. “But I know this isn’t the time or place. Perhaps you would be willing to come to my office tomorrow morning, and we could go over the grant and other concerns or ideas you might have about the way Cold World has been run? Asa, too, of course.”
Lauren glanced over at the ice rink, as though she’d be able to see Asa from where they stood, but of course they were too far away now. Maybe this would be good. They could work together, right?
I can’t do this anymore. She’d always known, deep down, that one day he would say something like that. It was better that he’d done it sooner rather than later, surely, before her heart was too engaged.
At least that was what she told herself. But then why did it feel like every last corner of her heart had been cracked from that one sentence?
“Tomorrow’s New Year’s Eve,” Lauren pointed out. “I’m off—and then the next day is New Year’s Day, when Cold World is closed. Maybe Monday?”
Dolores beamed at her. “Perfect. Will you tell Asa?” She gave Lauren’s arm an affectionate squeeze. “I love that you’re together, by the way. I had an inkling after the incident in the Snow Globe, and then when you got trapped in here overnight. The way that boy lights up when he looks at you!”
“Wait.” Lauren reached out to stop Dolores from leaving before she could think about the gesture, about how probably inappropriate it was to manhandle your boss. “You knew? About the overnight thing, I mean?”