“Not bad so long as I have the time to patch these up. I have to start over every time the ship lurches!”
“We’re stopping,” I tell her. “I think we killed it.”
“What is it?”
“I’ve no idea.”
I leave her to it, return back above deck, and assess the ship and crew.
It’s bad. The ship is a mess. Debris is scattered along the deck. Blood and severed limbs cover almost every inch of space. The railing is almost nonexistent where the cannons tore through. Part of the deck is missing from the cannon that went through it from the recoil. I know some of the crew are below, but we look like so few above deck.
“Dimella,” I say. “Roll call now.”
“Aye-aye.”
“Iskirra!” I shout, but I spot her a moment later. She’s already making rounds. I watch her put someone’s shoulder back into its socket, likely torn out while the beastie tried to haul her overboard. Many of those waiting to see her aren’t bleeding. Just holding their limbs still. Broken bones and more sprains.
The ship finally slows as we get the sails up. Kearan turns us, angling the ship back the way we came. We retrace our path slowly, and I know exactly what he’s looking for.
The beastie has risen to the water’s surface now that it’s dead, and we all get a good look at it.
The body is bigger than the ship. It’s fleshy, bell shaped, and almost transparent with the tentacles streaming out of the underside. It glows faintly in the moonlight with some sort of natural bioluminescence. Inside the body, I can see the outline of something humanoid. I don’t know who it is yet.
Lerick’s body is still on the deck. It could be Rorun, but it looks too small to be him. He’s likely lost at sea or clasped within one of the tentacles underwater. Dead either way. That water is cold enough to freeze a person to death long before they could drown.
“Captain,” Dimella says. “We’re missing three. The two lads who were pulled over and Unesta, who must have fallen during the fight.”
Unesta. That’s who’s inside the beastie.
Three more fallen. That’s four in total on this trip. We’re down to twenty-five now.
I say, “We stay put until we can make the repairs Radita needs. All the crew is to turn to her for direction, save those who are injured. Order rest for them.”
“Aye-aye.”
Then I go to my quarters to see to Roslyn.
She’s huddled under the bed. Right where I told her to go.
“It’s okay,” I say. “It’s dead. Are you hurt?”
She cradles her left arm as she wiggles out from under my bed. “Just bruised, Captain. Nothing bad.”
“You’re quick with that knife.”
“Because someone’s been making me practice every day.” She rubs at her sore arm. “Captain?”
“Yes?”
“Is it wrong that I don’t feel scared?”
“What do you mean?”
“I mean, I ought to be terrified that a giant monster tried to eat me. That it almost pulled me off the ship. But I’m not.”
“What do you feel?”
“Alive. Sorinda, my heart is racing, and my hands are shaking, and I can’t remember the last time I felt this good.” She adds quickly, “I’m sorry I snuck aboard your ship and didn’t tell Papa. I feel bad, but I can’t regret the decision when I finally feel useful and like I’m right where I’m supposed to be.”
She’s a proper thrill seeker. Just like Alosa. Just like me when I’m about to kill.
I say, “It’s good to be scared from time to time, even if you aren’t right now. Terror is what keeps us alive. It stops us from being reckless.”
“But you’re not scared of anything. I want to be like you.”
“I was scared when I saw that tentacle hauling you away. I was terrified.”
She thinks about that for a moment. “I suppose I get scared for other people, too.”
“That’s what makes you a good crew member. Excellent job today. I’m proud of you for listening to me when I told you to go into my quarters.”
“Thanks, Captain, but …”
“What?”
“I can’t help but notice that the creature didn’t attack me until I followed your orders, so sometimes isn’t it a good thing that I disobey?”
I have to turn my laughter into an exasperated sigh. “Adults have to make tough decisions. Sometimes they’re wrong decisions, but we still have far more life experience than you, so you should listen.”
“All right.” She looks sadly down at the ground.
“Go make yourself useful. There’s lots of cleaning to be done.”
“Aye-aye.”
She leaves, and I write up a hasty report to Alosa before attaching it to the leg of a yano bird. As I move to exit the room, I find Kearan standing on the other side of my door.
“Kearan—” I start, prepared to tell him how I am in no mood for his antics today, but one look at his face has me slamming my mouth closed.
His eyes are red and swollen. He holds his body too still.
He looks … distraught. No, more than that. He looks broken.
What happened to the focus and ruthlessness he showed in battle just moments before?
“Captain, I need a moment alone, and I wondered if perhaps …”
I step aside to let him into the room, then exit and close the door, thoroughly thrown off-balance by his change in demeanor.
Did I miss something? Or did he just find out who we lost during the battle? I know he said he liked Rorun and Lerick, which is plenty enough for grief. But he looked thoroughly wrecked.
I should have asked what was wrong. Now I have to stew about it as I get to work. As I deal with what I’m feeling. He looks how I feel. Until recently, I could believe that somehow Cyara got off the ship and was alive and well somewhere. It was an unlikely scenario but possible. Now the reality is before me.
Four dead on my watch. Four I failed to protect.
And Roslyn was all too close to joining them.
I was the wrong person for this job. This proves it. Alosa will surely call us back now, surely reprimand me for this. But I’m not allowed to lose myself to panic and distress. I have to keep it together for the crew. I need to stay busy.
I send the bird off and get to work on the ship, cleaning tentacles from the deck. Dimella works beside me silently, using a broom to scrape blood and guts overboard. We’ve buckets of salt water to use to aid with cleaning. Meanwhile, Radita has finished making repairs below, and she now instructs the crew on fixing the upper.
But then I see her teeth chattering. She’s still in her sodden boots.
“Radita, you and those who repaired below are to warm up before you do anything else. Get fires going. I’ll not lose anyone to frostbite.”
“Aye—aye—” She descends through the trapdoor with her bailers.
Stars, I wasn’t thinking. How can I expect her to do anything after being exposed to that icy water? Why didn’t she say anything?
I massage my temples.
Four dead.
Almost everyone else injured or hurting.
How did I let this happen?
There had to be something I could have done better.
“Do we know what it is?” Enwen asks, interrupting my thoughts. He’s sorting through pieces of broken ship for anything that can be salvaged.