I force a half-smile, gripping the counter with all my strength as I try not to look in her eyes. I can’t handle the fear I see in them every time he has his hands on her.
“Speaking of business,” I say, “I’ll be back in a couple of hours. I’ve got a few things I need to do.” I straighten up and walk past Sloan and Asa toward the front door. When I do, she looks up at me with appreciation in her eyes.
Asa bends down and kisses her neck, then lifts a hand to her breast. She squeezes her eyes shut and grimaces, then turns away from me.
I keep walking and head for the front door, feeling completely helpless. I have to remind myself that I’m here for one reason and one reason only—and she isn’t it.
I text Dalton before I pull out of the driveway and tell him I’m going to the station to do a few write-ups. Instead, I just start driving, not having a clue as to where I’m going. I turn on the radio and try to rid the murderous thoughts I’m having of Asa, but all my other thoughts are of Sloan...and every thought I have of Sloan leads back to murderous thoughts of Asa.
I realize I have a duty. My duty is to complete the job I’m being paid to do...which is to bust the largest campus drug ring in collegiate history. The drug problem at the local university has multiplied tenfold in the past three years alone. Rumor has it that Asa is the sole reason for that. Asa and all the people in his circle, which is why Dalton and I are here—to identify the key players. Dalton and I are only a small part of this sting, but it’s the small parts that make up a huge whole, and every one of our roles is vital.
Asa is ruining countless lives and Sloan’s is just one of them. I can either focus on what I’m here to do and help take down everyone involved in his entire operation, which will in turn save lives...or I can save one girl from her abusive boyfriend.
Having to separate what I’m here to do and what I want to do makes this situation feel like General Patton’s theory, how sometimes it’s necessary to sacrifice the lives of the few for the good of the many.
It feels like I’m sacrificing Sloan’s life for the sake of all the others that Asa is ruining. And the thought of that kills me.
I find myself second-guessing whether or not I’m cut out for this profession for at least the third time in the last week.
After an hour of driving around, I decide to head back to Asa’s. Dalton stays there most of the time, but he told Asa I live on campus during a conversation they had a couple of months ago. Therefore, I had to actually get an apartment on campus in case Asa ever decides to run a check on me. I’m at Asa’s more often than not, though, because that’s where I’ll ultimately get most of the info. Well...from being around his “crew” and...possibly Sloan.
I know Dalton is right. I know I need to utilize Sloan for the advantage of the investigation, but that would mean she would have to remain in the situation she’s in. I’d much rather sneak her some cash and force her to run as far away from Asa as she can get.
When I close in on Asa’s street, I notice Sloan sitting at a park bench two blocks from their house. She’s seated alone with books laid out in front of her on a picnic table. I slow down the car and pull over to the side of the road. I scope out the area, ensuring she’s alone.
I sit in my car and watch her awhile, contemplating what I should do. If I were smarter, I would keep driving and refocus my attention where it needs to be. If I were smarter, I wouldn’t be shutting my car door, preparing myself to cross the street.
If I were smarter...
I’ve never seen Asa study a day in his life. I study every day, regardless of how crazy things get around me. Like right now, having to leave the house and walk to the park just for peace and quiet.
How in the hell does he have a 3.5 average GPA? I wouldn’t put it past him if he were paying off his professors.
“Hey.”
I grip my keys, complete with pepper spray, and slowly turn around. Carter is walking up behind me with his hands tucked inside the pockets of his jeans. His dark hair is unkempt and hangs down his forehead, swooping into his eyes.
He pauses a few feet from me, waiting for me to give him permission to approach. He isn’t smiling at me this time. At least he minds well.
“Hey,” I say flatly. I drop my keys back on the table. “Did Asa send you to summon me?”
He walks to the picnic table and swings his leg over the bench and straddles it. He’s facing me with his hands still in his pockets. I stare down at my textbooks and refuse to look at him. The mild crush I developed on him in class turned into what could have been a very serious shit storm after having lunch with him. I need to keep my distance, and looking at him makes me not want to keep my distance.
“I was just driving by. Saw you sitting here, thought I’d check on you.”
“I’m fine,” I say, returning my attention to the homework in front of me. I feel like maybe I should thank him for the heads up today. If he hadn’t called, there’s no telling how that situation would have turned out. But then again, he could have just been warning me to save his own ass.
But I know he wasn’t. I could hear the concern in his voice before I hung up the phone. He was scared for me. He was scared for me, just like I was scared for him.
“Are you?” he asks skeptically. “Are you really fine?”
I glance up at him. He can’t just leave things alone, can he?
I drop my pencil on the table and turn to face him. He’s always pushing for more truth. Always wanting to know what the hell I’m thinking. If this is what he wants, we might as well get it over with. I take a deep breath and prepare to answer all the questions he’s ever asked, and even ones he hasn’t gotten around to asking yet.
“Yes, I’m fine. I’m not great. I’m not terrible. I’m just fine. I’m fine because I have a roof over my head and a boyfriend who loves me, despite the fact that he makes bad choices. Do I wish he were a better person? Yes. If I had the means, would I leave him? Yes. Absolutely. Do I wish there wasn’t so much constantly going on at my house that I could actually find a quiet place to do homework, or heaven forbid, get some sleep? Hell yes. Do I wish I could graduate sooner and get out of this mess? Yes. Am I embarrassed by the way Asa treats me? Yes. Do I wish you weren’t a part of this? Yes. Do I wish you could be the guy I thought you were the first time I met you in class? Yes. Do I wish you could save me?”
I let out a short, defeated sigh and look down at my hands. “So much, Carter,” I whisper. “I wish you could save me from all this shit so, so much. But you can’t. I’m not in this life for myself. If I were, I would have left a long time ago.”
How could he save me from this life? He’s a part of this life. If I ran from Asa and into Carter’s arms, it would be the exact same lifestyle...just a different pair of arms. And Carter has no idea that the only reason I’m still in this situation isn’t even about me or what I used to feel for Asa.
I shake my head at this entire unfortunate situation we’re in and try to blink back tears. “I left him once,” I say to Carter. “In the beginning, when I found out how he was making his money. I didn’t have anywhere to go, but I left him because I knew I deserved better.” I pause, searching for the right words. When I look up at Carter the first thing I notice is the genuine concern in his eyes. It’s a strange feeling to trust someone you barely know more than the person you share your own bed with.
“I had two younger brothers growing up. They were born when I was only two. Twins. My mother was an addict, so they were both born with complications. Drew died when he was ten. The other—Stephen—needs a lot of care. Care I can’t provide on my own if I want to build a good life for us. When he turned sixteen, he was finally approved for a group facility where he’d be able to live and have twenty-four-hour care. And I could go to college and make a better life for us. Things were great until a few weeks after I decided to break up with Asa. Stephen’s funding was pulled by the state and I had no place for us to live—no place to care for him. My only other option was paying the fee out of pocket, which is thousands of dollars a month. I couldn’t afford it, but the last thing I wanted was for him to be forced to move back in with my mother. It’s not safe for him there. When I realized the situation I had put us both in, I didn’t know where else to turn. And when Asa showed up, begging to take me back with promises of paying for Stephen’s care, I couldn’t say no. I moved back in with him. Now I’m forced to pretend that he’s enough for me. I pretend to turn a blind eye to the awful things he does. And in turn, he sends a check every month to pay for Stephen’s expenses. And that’s why I’m still there, Carter. Because I have no other choice.”
Too Late
Colleen Hoover's books
- Finding Cinderella (Hopeless #2.5)
- Hopeless (Hopeless #1)
- Losing Hope (Hopeless #2)
- Point of Retreat (Slammed #2)
- This Girl (Slammed #3)
- Slammed (Slammed #1)
- Finding Cinderella (Hopeless #2.5)
- Hopeless (Hopeless #1)
- Losing Hope (Hopeless #2)
- Maybe Someday
- Point of Retreat (Slammed #2)
- Slammed (Slammed #1)
- This Girl (Slammed #3)
- Maybe Someday
- Ugly Love
- Losing Hope: A Novel
- Maybe Someday
- Ugly Love
- Point of Retreat (Slammed #2)
- Slammed (Slammed #1)
- This Girl (Slammed #3)
- Confess: A Novel
- Never Never
- Confess
- November 9: A Novel
- Never Never: Part Three (Never Never #3)
- It Ends With Us
- Without Merit
- All Your Perfects